thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

Mr. 007

Back in October, I met a guy…we can call him Mr. 007. We really hit it off, or so I thought. We had a couple of dates, we even made out! It would’ve probably gone further had I allowed it. 

In the midst of our “hanging out” phase, I found him on instagram. Yeah, I know…it’s stalkerish, judge me if you want. I noticed he was hanging out with a particular chick quite often. I tried not to think much of it because I have a lot of guy friends so I can’t be too judgmental. One night he called me around 10:30pm saying I should come over. We all know that’s booty call time. I prefaced my answer by saying I really don’t want you to get offended and explained to him that I wasn’t going to come over because I actually kinda liked him and didn’t want to ruin things by bringing sex into the equation too soon. It was a little more wordy than that but you all get the point. He got super butt hurt and sorta became an asshole. I’m pretty sure he had been drinking. We said our good nights and what not. I never heard from him again. 

Until about last week. Yes, last week. THREE months later. He hits me up out of the blue saying it’s been a long time since we’ve spoken blah blah. I respond hours later because “I was busy.” We end up actually talking on the phone later on that night and made it seem that I was the one that didn’t contact him. UM NO. I told him he got all butt hurt when I didn’t come over late at night and never heard from him. His response actually surprised me, he said “I can see why that left a sour taste in your mouth, I apologize.” 

Wow. He apologized. Cool! I told him it was fine because we had only hung out a couple of times. 

Anyways, I end up checking him out on instagram again. Well, because I needed to see what happened during this three month hiatus. Turns out…him and that broad became a couple. I think they’re broken up though because he had a recent picture with #singlelife. WTF? 

Mr.007 disappeared for a couple of days and said he wasn’t ignoring me and he was just busy. We talked a bit the next day (on saturday) but I haven’t heard from him since. It was a few texts back and forth but he completely ignored my last text. And boom, he’s gone…again.  

WHY MUST YOU CONTACT ME IF YOU DON’T PLAN ON GOING THROUGH WITH IT?! Just fuck off Mr.007. If you text me again, I’m probably going to say…listen if you’re into me then take the fucking time to show it, if not…delete my damn number. 

 

Sorry for my rant. I’m irritated, hungry and all alone in the office today. 

 

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disappearing acts and my two-date curse

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I suppose it’s time for me to give an update on Mr. C&C. I’ve been postponing my update because I’m a little irritated by it. Whatever, it’s time to get it out. We ended up going out on a second “date.” We had coffee and we paid for our own drinks. Is that even considered a date? I guess. It went well though. No awkward silences, conversation flowed, and we laughed at each others jokes. However, I still felt he wasn’t into me.

The date ended in a hug. We texted a bit later on that night and he said he wanted to go out a third time. That was when I started getting a little excited. I thought maybe he actually was into me and I’d finally break my two date curse. We talked for another day or so but the ever-so-dreaded disappearing act happened (other online daters know exactly what I’m talking about). I had stopped messaging him as much as I had been and he stopped messaging me all together.

Why did he mention hanging out a third time if he had no intention of following through? Now I keep thinking about what I did wrong. What could I have done differently? We ran into one of my guy friends and I introduced Mr. C&C as my friend. It was an accident, it totally slipped but when I asked my friend if I should address it he said no. If it was an issue, I guess Mr. C&C wouldn’t have asked me out for a third time. Or maybe it was the fact that I stopped putting in the effort, but if he was legitimately interested, he would put in the effort. Right? I’m not a very flirty person….maybe I could have been more flirtatious.

I’m frustrated and feeling discouraged. I’m having one of those “I’m really tired of being single” moments. It doesn’t happen all the time but that feeling creeps up every so often. Go away icky feeling, you are no longer wanted.

26 Comments »

the results are in!

Remember I said I was going to keep track of the profiles I came across to figure out whether or not I was too picky? Well, I kept track of 100 profiles. It’s a mixture of men that contacted me and profiles I clicked on.

I guess if you look at the numbers, it may seem as though I am picky. But you know what? I don’t care anymore. I am AWESOME and I deserve to be with somebody that’s just as awesome as I am. There are many things that are important to me and I will not lower my standards for the sake of not being single.

Out of the 100 profiles I came across, I was interested in 27. I thought I’d make this legit and make some graphs.

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I tried to keep track of the reasons as to why I was uninterested.

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I don’t understand why some people just don’t put effort into their profiles. Simply saying “if you have any questions, just ask!” Ugh, so annoying. Another top reason is what I classified as “meh.” I know it doesn’t explain much but it means that there was nothing that stuck out to me and I was uninterested in them. Politically, I’m super liberal so being with somebody that’s conservative will not work for me. I’m deathly allergic to cats so being with somebody that has them is out of the question.

I’m not going to bore all of you and explain all of the reasons why I wasn’t interested in the men.

Does this mean I’m too picky? Maybe. Should I feel bad for it? Hell no.

15 Comments »

Mr. Calm and Collected – part 3

First date went well with Mr. CC, I think. I still like him! I think he’s just as attractive as his photos. I thought him being 5’8″ was going to bother me…but it didn’t! Surprise, surprise. This just goes to show that I should really be open minded.

He’s super nice. He’s polite. He’s funny. He continues to be calm and collected. Random: I realized that he remembered my birthday! I told him about a week ago and he remembered! Crazy. I didn’t remember his. Clearly, I’m an asshole. Jk. Or not?

There was a bit of an awkward moment when an overly obnoxious lovey-dovey couple sat next to our table. They barely ate their food and kept making out. I hope I never become like that. It’s gross. Get a room people! Luckily, it didn’t last long. They left relatively soon after sitting down.

The date ended with a hug. I would’ve totally kissed him though. Not a full on make out session (there were way too many people around) but for sure a peck or something.

Anyways, I still can’t tell if he’s into me. I’m assuming if I can’t tell…then he isn’t? Maybe he doesn’t even know. Maybe he’s still trying to get to know me and figure it out? Or maybe he isn’t and I’m making excuses.

What am I supposed to do now? Do I initiate conversation with him if he doesn’t? Or do I just wait? How long should I wait? I don’t know what the “rules” are anymore. Or even if there are any. Questions are still zooming through my head.

Help?

36 Comments »

Mr. Calm and Collected

There have been new developments with Mr. Calm and Collected. We still haven’t met. I attempted to bring up us meeting in person and I failed miserably. I’m generally a very open person and very comfortable speaking my mind; however, when it comes to guys (I like)…I get very awkward. I don’t know why that is but it’s been like this for as long as I can remember. Anyways, here’s how our conversation went down: 

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I may or may not have handled that the way that I should have. I got awkward, I didn’t know what to say. So I figured I wouldn’t bring it up anymore. Fast forward to a couple days later, this conversation went down: 

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We had a wonderful phone conversation later that night but no date was set for us to meet. 

We’ve continued to exchange numerous messages to each other and he just keeps getting better and better. It’s getting out of control. Turns out he played soccer for 15 years (I’m brasilian, this is a major deal for me!), he understands/appreciates my obsession with penguins (my obsession may be a little unhealthy but he gets it), he is a pretty big fan of amusement parks (EVEN DISNEYLAND!!!!), and the fucking icing on the cake: HE HAS A MOTORCYCLE. If it was possible for me to cream myself, I would’ve when I found this out. 

Now, I don’t know if this is necessarily weird or bad or I don’t know…but he hasn’t complimented me. Is that weird? I’m not fishing for compliments or anything but when I tell him how awesome he is or that I think he’s super cute, he doesn’t return the compliment. Like I said, I’m not fishing for compliments but that’s generally how you gauge whether or not somebody is interested in you romantically, right? I could be wrong because he does a considerable amount of time messaging me throughout the day. That means he’s interested, right? Ugh. 

Is there a certain amount of time I should wait until I bring up us meeting? Should I even bring it up? 

 

 

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dreaded questions

Obviously when you’re getting to know somebody…you ask many questions. Sometimes you don’t really know what to ask or say and you end up asking something ridiculous. Here’s a list of questions I absolutely despise:

1. What do you look for in a guy? Okay, so I understand the meaning behind this question but I really don’t know how to answer it. Sometimes I just want to say: “I don’t know, somebody decent enough to be in a relationship.” I don’t want to sit there and list all of the things I’m looking for in a guy. I also have a short little paragraph written in my profile about some things I’m looking for.

2. When was the last time you were in a relationship? Honestly, why does that even matter? I’m sure it’s because you want to see if I’m not over an ex or something. But it’s super awkward answering that question. Why? Because I’ve never really had a long term relationship. I’ve had very short relationships (and not many at that). Does that make me weird? I don’t know. I had a guy ask me that and then later referred back to me never being in a relationship as if I was some kind of freak.

3. What do you do for fun? I know I wrote about this in my last post. This one is awkward for me because I do all sorts of random things. I do whatever comes up.

4. Why are you single? Now, this is by far my LEAST favorite question. I hate it. This question is usually following some sort of compliment: “Wow, you’re so awesome. Why are you single?” Listen dude, if I knew WHY I was single, I wouldn’t be single! Are you expecting me to say some crazy ass reason? Like…”Oh I’m actually a psychopath and I enjoy killing small animals.” (This isn’t true just FYI). Why does there have to be a reason, anyways? I’m single and that’s that. Get off my case.

I’d love to hear what other questions you all don’t like being ask! I’m sure I’m missing quite a few.

7 Comments »

do I dare?

I’ve been speaking to this pretty awesome guy for about 3 weeks. I’m going to nickname him Mr. Calm and Collected. He’s very poised, calm, proper, and all around fantastic! He has a good job, he’s good looking, family oriented, and other great stuff!

We’ve exchanged a lot of messages and even though we haven’t met yet, I have a major crush on him. Every time I get a message from him I feel like a little school girl because I get all giddy (ridiculous, I know).  We’ve briefly talked about us hanging out in the future but no plans have been made. I did tell him initially that I like taking my time getting to know a person so is he respecting that? I’m sure he is. How long is too long?

I’m beginning to get very anxious! I want to meet him already.

Which brings me to the point of my post…do I ask him out if he doesn’t do it? How long should I wait? I mean, he’s got to be interested if he’s invested so much time in getting to know me, right???

On one side, I’m very traditional in the sense that I feel a guy should be the one to initiate the asking out (I know I may get some uproar about this) but on the flip side I’m a feminist and I believe there shouldn’t be an expectation of one person like that.

I’d love to hear what you all think!

18 Comments »

yet another award….

The award this week is: DOUCHE BAG OF THE WEEK. In my very first post, I wrote about that guy that wanted to jump into a relationship after a couple of dates and how I shouldn’t have been so damn surprised about him being controlling and possessive. 

I’m the one that broke up with him because he was a little nuts. So anyways, I got a message from him on OkCupid. Him messaging me isn’t even the worst part…HE DIDN’T EVEN REMEMBER ME!

Our conversation was as follows (my commentary included):

Him: “good evening, hi how are you? I liked your profile very much and know we would get along great. we share allot in common and enough differences to make it fun. let’s take the time and get to know one another.”

Me: (I’m thinking this dude HASSSSSS to be playing some sort of joke on me, obviously I have to respond to make sure). “wow. is this a joke? or do you really not remember me?” 

Him: “I just moved back here from NY … did we meet?”

Me: (He must’ve moved there after him and I had our fling as it was just about a year ago) “yeah…about a year ago.”

Him: “Lol really no way. What happened?”

Me: (WOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!) “wow…lol. clearly i made a wonderful impression. just didn’t work out.”

Him: “Why didn’t it work out?”

At this point I don’t want to respond because clearly he’s a dipshit and it’s a waste of my time. After not responding for nearly 30 minutes, he says: 

Him: “lol ok maybe you just didn’t find me attractive interesting or stimulating 🙂
In any case I wish you the best since your still on the dating site.”

WHAT THE HELL! Hey jerkoff, you’re controlling…and possessive…and non-gentleman like…and just plain weird. And just a reminder, YOU’RE still on the dating site too!

Ugh. How could he not remember?!?!?

11 Comments »

eager beaver

I’ve been exchanging messages with this young fellow I’ve nicknamed eager beaver since December 23rd. We’ve been texting for about 4-5 days now. He’s very attentive, he compliments me (which unfortunately doesn’t happen very often in general…so it’s really nice!), he has a good job, lives with roommates, all in all…he’s a pretty cool guy. We were supposed to go out on Sunday but I wasn’t feel well.

We decided we were going to go out today but now he isn’t feeling well.  I don’t really know what’s going to happen.

I’m afraid the physical attraction just isn’t going to be there so I really want to meet him already and get it over with. I’m afraid he likes me a lot more than I like him. He’s constantly telling me how excited he is to meet me and how awesome I am. Don’t get me wrong, I like hearing these things…but geez! He needs to calm down.

I’m nervous about meeting him. It needs to happen ASAP.

8 Comments »

real beauty?

Not too long ago, a good friend of mine (who follows this blog, so I know he’ll read this) made me really think because of a comment he made. He said “so, you and I wouldn’t be able to date because I’m not tall enough for you?” (see https://vivaciousdeb.com/2012/12/17/lowering-my-standards/) I know he wasn’t coming onto me, he was just making a point. We talked about it a bit and he continued to tell me “I always look passed the looks before anything else.” Granted, he’s also a very good looking guy and I’m pretty sure he can get any girl he wants. But that’s besides the point.

I mean, don’t get me wrong…I’m not 100% concerned about looks but as I mentioned before, height is a very important factor for me when choosing a guy. He asked me why. I actually hesitated to answer (because I guess I wasn’t even too sure why) and said “well, it’ll just look awkward and it makes me feel better.” As soon as I said that, I came to the immediate realization that it’s ALL in my head! I’m a big girl so I just feel that it’ll make me feel better if I was with somebody taller and bigger than me. 

am I that insecure? 

Apparently, I am! I dunno, I’m really starting to reevaluate my standards. Being the size that I am…I automatically get disqualified because let’s face it…nobody wants to date a fatty. Unless you’re a chubby chaser, but that’s a different story.

Anyways, I’ve lost weight. I’m starting to feel much better about myself physically, which is wonderfully! I know I’m an awesome person, I’ve always been told I have a great personality. But how will a guy know that if he doesn’t give me a chance? He’s missing out on being with somebody that could potentially make him really happy.

My point to all this rambling is: who am I to judge somebody by their height? Or weight? Or anything like that because I know I’m not the best looking person in the world (also not the worst looking). But I know for a fact that I am a genuinely good person with a good heart and could make somebody really happy, I just need a chance to show it.

How can I expect somebody to give me that chance, if I don’t give other guys that chance? I need to give somebody else that courtesy. I need to look passed these superficial qualities and focus on what’s important.

I’m going to really sit down and make a list of things I’m looking for and post it on here for everybody to see. I’m going to put a lot of effort into it so stay tuned, folks!

With all that being said….I’d also like to point out….that I don’t ONLY look for tall/big guys lol. There are other things that are very important to me, such us: being family oriented, love learning, somewhat healthy, honest, blah blah. I just wanted to throw that out there before anybody says there are more important things than being tall and what not. I’m very aware of that.

6 Comments »

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