thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

I just want to be hit on…..

is that too much to ask for??

Like, in person. I want a guy to approach me and hit on me! I want a guy to ask me out on a date. Ask for my number. I mean…something! I honestly can’t remember the last time that happened. It’s been years. Is being hit on still a thing? I have other friends that are approached by men when we’re out. So it’s gotta be a thing. Maybe it’s not a thing for me.

I was hoping that with my weight loss maybe I’d get a little attention. No, I didn’t lose weight to get the attention and I didn’t do it for somebody else. I was just hoping that it would be a positive thing that would come from being skinnier.

But it hasn’t. It’s disheartening. Disappointing. And such a lonely feeling.

 

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Pet names

What is it with guys that use pet names right off the bat? Sweetie, babe, hun, love, baby etc. Mr. Jokester was like that. Also, another guy on OkCupid was like that too. I mean, literally every sentence he was saying something. Is that weird? Or am I weird for being annoyed?? We haven’t even met!!

That guy (let’s call him Mr. Insults). We had only exchanged a few messages and he kept pushing us meeting. Wanted to go to the movies (which let’s talk about the fact that going to the movies on the first time meeting, is already kinda weird) or then wanted to get coffee. Just made me feel uncomfortable why he kept pushing it. Mind you, he had complimented me a few times throughout the messages. But I just didn’t feel good about it. I told him “I don’t like this pressure to meet up. Sorry, I’m not interested.”

His response? : “You have a wig”

UH. WHAT? hahahaha….is that code for something? am I supposed to be offended?

What an interesting character. Wonders of online dating, y’all!

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Milestones (part two)

It’s been a while since I’ve posted an update on my post-bariatric surgery life. It has been quite a journey for me. A wonderfully positive journey for me! I had my six month post-op appointment this past week. My doctor said I’m doing really well! My labs all came out good! Except for one, that we’ll be monitoring. But for the most part, everything is great!! Having this surgery is the best decision I’ve ever made.

My doctor said that people who have this surgery typically lose a total 50%-70% of their excess weight. I’m already at 64% at the six-month mark. Per my doc, that’s a great sign. I’ve lost a total of 65 lbs.

About a month or so ago, I went shopping for the first time. It was quite an experience. Started out terribly but ended wonderfully! At that point I had lost around 60ish lbs. Mind you, I had only really shopped in one store – Torrid (plus size).  I was not sure what size I was – I knew I likely was not plus size anymore. I just didn’t know where to start. I decided I would go to Forever 21. Terrible idea. Bright lights, huge store, loud music – I had no idea where to start. I was so overwhelmed. I almost had a panic attack. I lasted maybe five minutes and had to leave. Walked into H&M right next door. Another terrible idea. It was another reoccurrence of forever 21.

I talked to a couple of my girlfriends because I legit had no idea where to start. Through conversation, I decided I was going to go to express. A few days later, I go. I was greeted by a wonderful employee, asking if I needed help. I explained to her that I had recently lost a lot of weight and had no idea where to start but I desperately needed some new clothes. SHE WAS SO KIND! Not only did she walk throughout the store with me, picking outfits, but she also helped me figure out that I still picture myself as much larger than I really am. I needed a reality check.

It’s a funny story, she asked me what size I was maybe thinking I was. I said 12 – assuming I was the largest of the “regular sizes.” She looked at me, said I looked like a 10. I jokingly told her she’s crazy. She convinced me. Same thing with the shirts. I told her I thought I was a large, she told me, I’m a medium. Again I told her she’s crazy. But at the end, she convinced me. I tried them on…and THEY FIT. I quietly cried in the fitting room when everything fit. I’ve gone down about four sizes. Before the surgery, I was a 2XL (honestly, borderline 3XL). I mean, holy shit! That’s a whole lot of sizes.

I’m trying to get used to this new body I’m in. I feel so much more comfortable in my skin. My health has improved exponentially. I sleep better, I’m no longer in danger of becoming diabetic. I’m getting closer to getting off my blood pressure medicine. My weight loss has slowed down but that’s normal at this point in my recovery. All in all, everything is moving along swimmingly.

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Mr. Jokester

So, Mr. Jokester didn’t work out. I mean, can I catch a break? We didn’t even meet in person!!! He was a weirdo. Seemed like he has some emotional stuff to work through. Kept telling me that “all women are pyscho.” Talked about how he’s always be lied to, cheated on or taken advantage of. Seemed really insecure and gave conflicting messages. One second he’s saying he wishes people would make plans but then the other second he’s saying doesn’t like to make plans – a “go with the flow” kind of person.

What ever happened to courting? Why can’t I just get a guy to ask me out on a date?? like, a REAL DATE! Am I being too old fashioned??? Am I asking for too much?

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Happy mediums 

One of my friends decided to connect me with her friend. She and I went out one night and she snap chatted some pics/videos and he asked her about me. Now we’re texting, getting to know each other. Let’s call him Mr. Jokester. He’s nice but seems kind of oblivious. I don’t wanna get too into it just yet. I’m curious to see where it’ll go. I’m just happy one of my friends is finally trying to hook me up with somebody! First time EVER! So, anyways. He has yet to really compliment me. I don’t really know if he’s attracted to me. I realize these are my own insecurities. But I need reassurance. Is it too much to ask? I sent him a picture and he responded by sending a video of his BBQ. Lol. 

Then today, I get a message from a random dude on OkCupid. And practically every other message he’s saying something nice about my appearance! Tells me I have a nice smile, and eyes. How I look really sweet. And how I’m beautiful. I mean…that’s overkill. Right??? 

I realize I probably sound like a crazy person but….Why can’t there be somebody that’s a happy medium between the two guys?? 

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The X-Factor

Y’all remember Mr. I? If not, here’s a very depressing post about our break up: click here. Well, we never completely lost touch. Every now and again, he would message me on facebook and we’d engage in small talk. Never anything too crazy. There might have been one time (a couple years ago) where we talked about giving it another shot, but we didn’t do anything with it.

Fast forward to about a month ago, we were both back on OkCupid. He visited my profile – I messaged him joking around about him visiting me. A week later, I visited his profile. He messaged me. Then our conversation became a bit more serious. He told me he missed me. He asked if I’d consider giving us another chance. I said, I’d be willing to if we both made changes because we both contributed to the break up. He agreed and asked me out to dinner. At dinner, he made so many promises. About how I was his other half, and how he missed me so much. That he now knows that he should’ve put in more effort and he doesn’t want to mess it up this time. That he was “all in.” I ate it all up. I believed it all. I was cautiously optimistic but was all in too. About a week later, he asked me to be his girlfriend again. I loved it. He really was putting in more effort. I believed we were moving in the right direction.

But that all went to shit a couple weeks in. The effort slowly dissipated. I would go the entire day without hearing from him. Finally after a few days of barely hearing from him, I finally called him out. Then he became frustrated with me saying “I told you in the beginning that I was busy.” Nobody is that busy that they can’t send a quick message. Barely heard from him after that. I tried my best telling him that I support him and all that he does. He basically told me he wasn’t going to change for “anything or anybody.” Well, his true colors came to light. At least I saw it a month into the relationship and not a couple years in.

So that’s that. He came and went. I feel used. My ego is bruised. I know it’s for the best. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason, right? I should’ve known better.

The silver lining(s): I had been so desperate to date that I’d say I’d take anybody but I now see that I deserve to be treated with respect. Since it had been so long since I last dated, I felt really awkward about the whole thing. Now I’m ready. I’m ready to really try. I’m back on OkCupid and putting in effort. May the odds be ever in my favor.

To new beginnings. Cheers!

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damaged goods

I’m damaged. I can’t hang with online dating anymore. I’m fragile. I wish I wasn’t but it’s true.

I felt I really hit it off with a guy, we were sending these long and thoughtful messages to each other. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. I was excited about meeting him. We went on a coffee date and I haven’t heard from him since. It sucks. I felt that it was a pretty good date but not enough for him to want to continue talking to me?

I just don’t think I can do it anymore. I get really excited about meeting somebody and then they aren’t interested in me. What am I doing wrong? Readers, I know you’re going to tell me I’m not doing anything wrong. Blah blah. Clearly something is wrong and the most common denominator is me. All this does is make me sad.

I disabled my OkCupid account. Whomp.

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it’s officially official

Last week when I signed up for OkC, I deactivated my profile after a couple hours. A few days after, I processed some stuff with my therapist, I decided that moving forward with online dating would be a good thing.

I gave Bumble and Coffee meets Bagel a shot. I even synced them with my facebook. I gave in. I hated both of them. Although, I will say…Bumble has a whole lot of attractive men. Too attractive LOL. I’m not confident enough for Bumble. Coffee meets Bagel has this whole thing where have you earn “beans” and certain things cost “beans.” It’s all a sham to get you to pay them even though they say they’re a “free” site. Dumb.

Then, I reactivated OkC. Again. I’m officially back on and using it regularly since starting up again a couple days ago. Have a consistent convo with a couple different guys. I guess we’ll see how it goes. I’ll keep you updated!

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online dating? again?

It has been about a week or so that I started considering going back to online dating. I’m in a much better place emotionally and let’s face it…I’m considered more attractive now with the weight loss (it’s terrible, I know). Yes, people say that it’s not just the outside that counts…but we live in a society where the outside does in fact matter and if you aren’t remotely attractive then you don’t catch somebody’s interest.

So, today. I took the plunge. I’ve heard of bumble, I had never tried it. I downloaded it, but I don’t like that it requires me to link my facebook to my account. I decided against it. I tried coffee meets bagel and it’s the same thing! WTF! Why do they do that?? I mean, I have facebook but I don’t know how I feel about syncing my profiles together. Then, I went back to OkCupid. I always enjoyed being on OkC. My profile was never deleted, just disabled. I signed back in, changed a few photos, made minor adjustments to my profile – and I was ready to go. Then, BAM! OkC is basically like the new tinder. Where you swipe left or right to decide whether or not you like them. I hated tinder and now OkC is just as awful.

I absolutely will not try Eharmony or Match again. Not too sure what else to do at this point. Has anybody tried bumble or coffee meets bagel? I’m not a fan of the idea of syncing it to my facebook.

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Awkward questions (part 2) 

So, one of the biggest adjustments I’ve had to go through since having my surgery are the invasive questions. 

I’m at the point where there has been a drastic change physically. 50 lbs is a lot of weight. Naturally people will comment things like “wow! You look great! You’ve lost so much weight!!” I don’t have a problem with that. It feels GREAT getting compliments. I always say thank you and yes, I have lost weight. 9 out of 10 times the follow up question is: how did you do it?? 

Initially I always answered that I had weight loss surgery not realizing the barrage of questions that would follow. For example: how much weight have you lost? Where was your weight before starting? What’s your goal weight? Why did you decide to do it? Why didn’t you just eat right and exercise? 

Don’t get me wrong, I actually have no problem answering those questions when it comes to my own friends and family. Where I do have a problem is that these are random people I come into contact with at work. Nobody I have a real friendship with. Nobody that deserves to know all that information. 

My therapist and I have come up with an answer when they’ve asked how I’ve lost the weight: I’ve been watching what I eat. It’s enough to justify the weight loss. Enough to satisfy their curiosity without compromising my privacy.

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