thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

why match.com sucks

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m on two dating sites. Why? Because all of the excitement I get from one just isn’t enough. I hope you picked up on my sarcasm there.

I’m on OkCupid and Match.com. Honestly, I just wanted to see how a paid site is vs. a free one. I get more guys messaging me on okc than match.

On Match, I did the 6-month guarantee thingie. Basically, you pay for six months and if you don’t find anybody in those six months, you get another six months for free. There are rules though:

  1. Contact at least 5 new members per month (I usually contact much more than the required 5)
  2. Have photo “visibility” (there isn’t a numbers you should have up but as long as we have something up there)
  3. Profile visibility (this one seems obvious, if it isn’t visible…nobody can contact you. duh)

Last month I realized I wasn’t really getting ANY responses so at the beginning of the month, I reset the visitor number so I can see how many guys visit my profile and compare it to how many messages I was getting. So far, I’ve had 130 visits to my profile and out of those 130, I’ve gotten THREE different men contact me. Two of which I initially contacted. One was Mr. Linguist and the other just fell off the face of the planet. We exchanged numbers and a few texts but boom! He was gone.

The problem with Match is that only people who have paid subscriptions can have conversations. I noticed that some of the messages I was sending out weren’t even being read. Does that mean the “matches” coming up for me to check out aren’t even subscribed members? WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO ME MATCH?! My options should be people I can actually talk to.

Out of those 130 views, only three people were interested in me?! WTF?

Some of those view could have been the same guy looking again, I usually do that when I first start talking to somebody so I can reference certain things in his profile. BUT STILL! I’m not going to lie, this is a little discouraging.

I’m about to finish up my sixth month on Match. Let’s hope I have more luck in the future.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m starting a 7 day detox/weight loss plan today. Today is day 1: fruits. It’s going to be an interesting week!

43 Comments »

the many men in my life

the “many” may be a little bit of an exaggeration…but I said I was going to post an update about what’s going on in my dating life (or lack there of). 

Here they are: 

Mr. Linguist: I have a date with this guy on Monday. Not sure what we’re doing but I know we’re hanging out after class. I was initially into him because his profile listed he speaks 5 languages. I LOVE languages (my goal in life is to learn and master 5, I have 3 so 2 more to go). Anyways, I message him asking him if he really speaks all those languages and he replies with 

“No, I’m Not fluent in all of them. My Spanish is pretty strong. I can speak and write and know some clever terms. Chinese is very elementary. I can read Portuguese and get the overall idea of the conversation , but can’t speak very much. The Italian is poor and only consist of travelers words. Ideally I’d like to be able to converse in Portuguese and Chinese-at least that’s the goal.”

First of all, if you have that much of an explanation for languages you supposedly speak, YOU DO NOT SPEAK THEM. Therefore you should be listing them on your profile. Anyways, aside from that…he’s been a nice guy. Except…he has random bad spelling moments. He’ll use “they’re” correctly but wrote “bot,” yes…bot. Instead of bought. Ugh. He’s into getting to know me which is nice, constantly asking questions and what not. I think he’s cute. But he just disclosed some potential deal breaker information. He’s very religious. It’s usually a deal breaker because I think he may be one of those guys that wants to find somebody to go to church with every Sunday. I asked him if me not being religious is a problem but he hasn’t responded.  We’ll see. I can see our first day going pretty swimmingly. 

Mr. Lazy Ass: I rated him highly on okcupid then he messaged me yesterday saying I was cute. After a couple of messages he said he wanted to chat (outside of okc). So I gave him my number and then he says “text me” and gives me his number. So he wants me to make the initial effort. Fine, whatever. His about me section on his profile has no information about him [all it says is “hello]. I don’t even know why I rated him highly now that I look back at it. It was probably because he had some really cute information about his nieces, I thought it was adorable. Anyways, I’ve noticed he doesn’t like to talk about himself. I get it, somebody don’t talk about themselves. But fucking eh, it’s so frustrating! I asked him to tell me a little bit about himself and he responds with “just ask me whatever you want, i’m an open book!” Uhhh, excuse me sir….I asked you a specific question, how about you answer it?! Also, he called me babe quite a few times. That’s weird. I’m not your babe, my name is Debora. I had to straight up say “don’t you think it’s too soon to be calling me babe?” He said it so many times and it made me feel so freaking uncomfortable each and every time. I had to put an end to it. Today, he asks me for a picture and in return I ask him for his last name because of my mild OCD and every contact in my phone has a first and last name. I’m being serious. Every single person (except my parents and sister) has their first and last name! HE REFUSED! Said it was tmi and that maybe we should get to know each other better first and asked for my picture again. Wtf. After you refuse to give me your last name, you think I’m going to send you a picture? LOL. you’re trippin. I mean, I understand some people are more private than others but this may or may not be a red flag. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’d love to hear what y’all think about this. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him to tell me about himself. HE STILL HASN’T! He keeps wanting to call me so we can talk but it was late last night and I wanted to go to sleep and now he wants to talk again but I’m at work (obviously working really hard since I’m writing this while at the office). All I know is that he’s some fucking warehouse supervisor that works graveyard. I don’t even know if our schedules are going to be compatible. I work and go to school during the day while he sleeps and while I sleep, he works. So far he’s been more of an annoyance than anything. We’ll see what happens. Maybe he’s just awkward with texting. We’ll see how I feel when I talk to him on the phone. 

And lastly, there’s Mr. Sexual. His first message was “Hey, wanna come over my place?” at nearly 10pm the other night. I didn’t because I’m a classy lady (duh). We’ve been talking ever since. We were asking each other a bunch of questions last night and most of his questions had to do with sexual things. They were mostly harmless though so I didn’t mind playing along. He said he originally joined okcupid because it’s been a while since he’s had sex but that if something else [relationship] happens, he’s okay with that too. I don’t know how much I believe it lol. He’s not into sports which I haven’t decided is a deal breaker for me or not. He said that I’m a “typical so cal person” for being a Lakers fan. I don’t know what he’s basing this off of since he doesn’t follow sports lol and last time I checked there are two teams out here and there are plenty of people who hate the Lakers (clearly this is a touchy subject for me) ANDDDD…if you live in a city where there’s a basketball team in, you’re OBVIOUSLY going to hear a lot of people say they like that team, duh! Another wtf moment. Anyways… aside from him wanting to show me up in a sports conversation which he will not win…he’s nice, funny and smart. He’s nice to talk to. I need somebody to be a distraction. He’ll do. 

And if you didn’t see in one of my previous post, I decided to break it off with Mr. Indifferent. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to keep stringing him along while I attempted to convince myself to date this guy. 

That’s it for now, folks! 

11 Comments »

Mr. Indifferent

I’ve been chit chatting with this guy for just about two weeks. It has mostly been filled with really annoying small talk such as “hey, how’s your day going?” “oh, it’s good. and yours?” “it’s going ok.” Blah blah blahhhhh. 

I never realized how much I hate the word okay until I started talking to him. He’s always just okay. I use words such as wonderful, fantastic, glorious, etc. to describe how I’m doing. Now, I understand not everybody is as eccentric as I am but sometimes I just feel like screaming at him JUST LIVEN THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!! 

I can tell that he’s one of those guys that’s just kinda down on life and not for any particular reason. Just kinda blah. I battle my own depression. I do not have the time nor the energy to pull somebody out of their funk

From his pictures, I can already tell I’m not all that attracted to him. I don’t feel any sort of connection while chatting with him. I can go all day not hearing anything from him and I’m totally fine with it. He isn’t very talkative, he barely has a personality, and he keeps to himself. That doesn’t work for me. 

He’s been wanting to take me out but I’ve been super busy. I know I’m supposed to be giving this whole “yes man” thing a go…but I feel like I’m just trying to convince myself to give this guy a shot. I’m pretty sure that’s not what it’s supposed to be like but I could be wrong.

I know I have nothing to lose by going out with this guy but I already know I’m not going to be into him. I feel kinda bad cause I’ve been talking to him this long. Do I just go anyways? But that’s not fair to either of us, right? 

To go or not to go?!?! 

21 Comments »

personality tests

OkCupid has a incredible amount of personality tests. When I’m bored at work…I’ll usually sit and takes a couple just because I have nothing better to do. 

Anyways, I’ve come to the realization that these personality tests are freakishly accurate. 

Here’s a glimpse of some of my results: 

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Yes, I took the Harry Potter test…don’t judge me…judge all you want. 

They’re basically saying: 

  • I love to be in control 
  • I’m headstrong 
  • Opinionated and straight-forward 
  • Open-minded 
  • I have a good personality 
  • Dependable 

Yeah, that’s pretty spot on. I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

Thank you OkCupid for not only helping me out when I’m bored but also providing me with some insight into my personality. Does anybody feel the same way? I’m curious to know whether or not other OkCupid users feel these tests are relatively accurate.  

 

 

9 Comments »

disappearing acts and my two-date curse

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I suppose it’s time for me to give an update on Mr. C&C. I’ve been postponing my update because I’m a little irritated by it. Whatever, it’s time to get it out. We ended up going out on a second “date.” We had coffee and we paid for our own drinks. Is that even considered a date? I guess. It went well though. No awkward silences, conversation flowed, and we laughed at each others jokes. However, I still felt he wasn’t into me.

The date ended in a hug. We texted a bit later on that night and he said he wanted to go out a third time. That was when I started getting a little excited. I thought maybe he actually was into me and I’d finally break my two date curse. We talked for another day or so but the ever-so-dreaded disappearing act happened (other online daters know exactly what I’m talking about). I had stopped messaging him as much as I had been and he stopped messaging me all together.

Why did he mention hanging out a third time if he had no intention of following through? Now I keep thinking about what I did wrong. What could I have done differently? We ran into one of my guy friends and I introduced Mr. C&C as my friend. It was an accident, it totally slipped but when I asked my friend if I should address it he said no. If it was an issue, I guess Mr. C&C wouldn’t have asked me out for a third time. Or maybe it was the fact that I stopped putting in the effort, but if he was legitimately interested, he would put in the effort. Right? I’m not a very flirty person….maybe I could have been more flirtatious.

I’m frustrated and feeling discouraged. I’m having one of those “I’m really tired of being single” moments. It doesn’t happen all the time but that feeling creeps up every so often. Go away icky feeling, you are no longer wanted.

26 Comments »

the results are in!

Remember I said I was going to keep track of the profiles I came across to figure out whether or not I was too picky? Well, I kept track of 100 profiles. It’s a mixture of men that contacted me and profiles I clicked on.

I guess if you look at the numbers, it may seem as though I am picky. But you know what? I don’t care anymore. I am AWESOME and I deserve to be with somebody that’s just as awesome as I am. There are many things that are important to me and I will not lower my standards for the sake of not being single.

Out of the 100 profiles I came across, I was interested in 27. I thought I’d make this legit and make some graphs.

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I tried to keep track of the reasons as to why I was uninterested.

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I don’t understand why some people just don’t put effort into their profiles. Simply saying “if you have any questions, just ask!” Ugh, so annoying. Another top reason is what I classified as “meh.” I know it doesn’t explain much but it means that there was nothing that stuck out to me and I was uninterested in them. Politically, I’m super liberal so being with somebody that’s conservative will not work for me. I’m deathly allergic to cats so being with somebody that has them is out of the question.

I’m not going to bore all of you and explain all of the reasons why I wasn’t interested in the men.

Does this mean I’m too picky? Maybe. Should I feel bad for it? Hell no.

15 Comments »

Mr. Calm and Collected – part 3

First date went well with Mr. CC, I think. I still like him! I think he’s just as attractive as his photos. I thought him being 5’8″ was going to bother me…but it didn’t! Surprise, surprise. This just goes to show that I should really be open minded.

He’s super nice. He’s polite. He’s funny. He continues to be calm and collected. Random: I realized that he remembered my birthday! I told him about a week ago and he remembered! Crazy. I didn’t remember his. Clearly, I’m an asshole. Jk. Or not?

There was a bit of an awkward moment when an overly obnoxious lovey-dovey couple sat next to our table. They barely ate their food and kept making out. I hope I never become like that. It’s gross. Get a room people! Luckily, it didn’t last long. They left relatively soon after sitting down.

The date ended with a hug. I would’ve totally kissed him though. Not a full on make out session (there were way too many people around) but for sure a peck or something.

Anyways, I still can’t tell if he’s into me. I’m assuming if I can’t tell…then he isn’t? Maybe he doesn’t even know. Maybe he’s still trying to get to know me and figure it out? Or maybe he isn’t and I’m making excuses.

What am I supposed to do now? Do I initiate conversation with him if he doesn’t? Or do I just wait? How long should I wait? I don’t know what the “rules” are anymore. Or even if there are any. Questions are still zooming through my head.

Help?

36 Comments »

Mr. Calm and Collected

There have been new developments with Mr. Calm and Collected. We still haven’t met. I attempted to bring up us meeting in person and I failed miserably. I’m generally a very open person and very comfortable speaking my mind; however, when it comes to guys (I like)…I get very awkward. I don’t know why that is but it’s been like this for as long as I can remember. Anyways, here’s how our conversation went down: 

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I may or may not have handled that the way that I should have. I got awkward, I didn’t know what to say. So I figured I wouldn’t bring it up anymore. Fast forward to a couple days later, this conversation went down: 

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We had a wonderful phone conversation later that night but no date was set for us to meet. 

We’ve continued to exchange numerous messages to each other and he just keeps getting better and better. It’s getting out of control. Turns out he played soccer for 15 years (I’m brasilian, this is a major deal for me!), he understands/appreciates my obsession with penguins (my obsession may be a little unhealthy but he gets it), he is a pretty big fan of amusement parks (EVEN DISNEYLAND!!!!), and the fucking icing on the cake: HE HAS A MOTORCYCLE. If it was possible for me to cream myself, I would’ve when I found this out. 

Now, I don’t know if this is necessarily weird or bad or I don’t know…but he hasn’t complimented me. Is that weird? I’m not fishing for compliments or anything but when I tell him how awesome he is or that I think he’s super cute, he doesn’t return the compliment. Like I said, I’m not fishing for compliments but that’s generally how you gauge whether or not somebody is interested in you romantically, right? I could be wrong because he does a considerable amount of time messaging me throughout the day. That means he’s interested, right? Ugh. 

Is there a certain amount of time I should wait until I bring up us meeting? Should I even bring it up? 

 

 

15 Comments »

and the award goes to…..

When I first started this blog, I was a little worried that I wouldn’t have enough to write about. But awesome things keep happening!

I’ve decided I’m going to give “awards” to guys I come across. I don’t know what all of the awards are going to be, but my first one will be LIAR OF THE WEEK! 

Now, I know body description is a hard one to answer. I have a hard time answer that because I don’t even know what my body is considered. Yeah, I’m overweight but I’m not obese. I’m listed as curvy but I constantly doubt myself and feel I should maybe put full figured just so guys don’t think I’m misrepresenting myself.

I’ve mentioned before I’m on a weight loss journey so on my profile I state that I’d like to find somebody that’ll be there next to me, while we support each other.

Anyways, this guy messages me and within that message he says “…playing softball which I do pretty regularly to socialize and get some exercise in.” Mind you, his profile says his body type is a little extra. This dude has a ginormous belly. I’m pretty sure my arms wouldn’t be able to wrap around it. I’m not judging, I’m a big girl. It’s not easy losing weight, but don’t lie about it. 

SO…without further ado, I’d like to present this weeks “liar of the week” award to:

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Trying to be careful with how much I show. But do you all see what I’m talking about?

Dude, you aren’t fooling anybody. That is NOT “a little extra.”

4 Comments »

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