thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

first date jitters and let downs

Well hello everyone! It has been a very long time since I’ve updated my blog. I keep putting it off but here I am finally. So..a few months ago I decided I was ready to try the whole online dating scene again. Apprehensive but willing to give it a shot. In March, I began talking to this one guy. We really hit it off and I really enjoyed talking to him. He was a first timer and I was the first girl to message him. We talked for way too long. We exchanged messages for about 6 weeks. He worked graveyard and I was still at school at the time so our schedules were conflicting. Finally we made the effort to meet each other (by this time…it was already the end of April). About a couple hours before our date, I had a full blown panic attack. I started freaking out and I called my best friend (bless her heart). She asked why I was freaking out and I told her that I really liked him and I was scared that he wasn’t going to like me once he met me. That not only was I not ready for rejection but I wasn’t strong enough for it. Anyways, she talked me down from my lil freak out session. I ended up telling him I wanted to do something more low key instead. He was totally understanding…we went to dessert instead of dinner. 

Y’all remember that I’m into tall guys?? Well, I decided to give this guy a shot being that he was 5’9″. At least that’s what he said he was. Anyways, we met up and the dude was MY height! I’m barely 5’5″. PLUS….he was at LEAST 50 lbs heavier than what his pictures portrayed. It’s not even that he was shorter and heavier that was upsetting. It was the fact that he lied. Aside from the physical stuff, he kept talking about how his family went through “the accident” that happened like 10 years ago. The way he talked about it was as if it happened 6 months ago. I’m not an insensitive person…but there comes a time where you just gotta get over things. And being that I’m going into the social work field, it’s really important that I’m with somebody that’s emotionally stable and has their shit together. This guy wasn’t it. And then on top of it…he talked about these cock fights he goes to when he goes to Mexico in gruesome details. I don’t know about y’all but I’m not into that animal cruelty thing. It’s not cool and it’s definitely not something that you should talk about on a first date. 

He also didn’t hold the door open for me and didn’t walk me to my car. I guess chivalry is dead folks.  I’m waiting for somebody to prove that wrong. 

Before going on my date, my bff told me “you need give yourself the chance to turn somebody down.” She was right. I was able to turn him down. I felt bad for the guy because it was his first date in 2 years but…I didn’t feel a connection and he was not upfront and honest. 

Anywho, that’s it for now y’all. Let’s hope I can keep up with my blog. I also think I’m gonna bring back the “WTF moment of the week” 

Stay tuned. Thanks for reading ❤ 

 

7 Comments »

religion or lack there of

Disclaimer: I will be talking about my stance on religion. I will always respect whatever religion (or not) you follow, I ask that you do the same for me. Please do not attack my beliefs in any sort of way (which essentially means, don’t try and convince me that I’m wrong). 

So, I had my date with Mr. Linguist on Friday. We had a bit of a rough start. We were supposed to meet at 6 but I had some crazy work shit to deal with so I got held back later than expected. I sent him a text half an hour before we were supposed to meet to let him know I was going to be about 10 minutes late. I hate being late but I tried my best to be there as quick as possible and apologizing to him as well. When I was about 10 minutes away, he asked me how far away I was and I told him my GPS said 12 minutes. He said he had to make a pit stop somewhere but he would be there soon. That “pit stop” lasted what seemed like forever. He didn’t get there until practically 7pm. We were supposed to meet for drinks, that was WAY past my dinner time. I was hungry. But whatever, he apologized for being so late. Something about his dad holding him up (why he decided to pay his dad a visit when he was about to meet me is just mind boggling). 

When he finally got there, we hit it off really well. Not sure if the physical attraction was there but he was really nice! His sarcasm was reallyyyyy intense. I consider myself to be a sarcastic person but DAMN! I even had a hard time keeping up at times. 

The date was going really well until that ever-so-dreaded topic of religion came up. I told him I’d rather not talk about it but he insisted that we do. He wasn’t being a dick about it…just playfully brought it up. 

That’s when the things just went a little sour. Not in a “we’re just going to give attitude to each other” but more so in a “we know it’s not going to work out between us.”

I guess I need to learn how to better explain myself when it comes to religion. I grew up catholic and I told him I identify myself as Catholic but I’m not practicing (it wasn’t always this way, I’ve changed my views on religion within the past few years). Maybe that was misleading on my part? I don’t know. I believe in some sort of higher being but I don’t believe in prayer. Because, in my experiences…it doesn’t work. I believe that if God had soooo much control over everything…certain things wouldn’t be the way that they are. He corrected me and said I’m “culturally catholic.” I’m not too sure what that means…but whatevs. I know I have some issues with religion that I need to get sorted out but I’m not ready to deal with all of that just yet. 

When I tried explaining this to Mr. Linguist, he started defending his side. Basically started to tell me how I was wrong. I mean, I get it…he’s very into his religion. I used to be the same way.

I tried telling him again that I really felt we shouldn’t be talking about religion but he insisted, once again. 

For the remainder of the date, he would “joke” by saying things like “oh let’s pray about it.” I mean, I think he was joking…cause he’d laugh about it. But if I just told you I don’t believe in prayer or anything like that…why continue bringing it up? Even if it’s just a “joke.” After we talked about my stance on religion, I told him that it would be completely understandable if it was a deal breaker for him and wouldn’t hold it against him. He said something along the lines of: it would make him a judgmental person if that was a deal breaker for him.

I didn’t reach out to him and he didn’t reach out to me after the date. I think that’s done and over with. I guess in a sense it’s good that we talked about it because it could have eventually caused drama in the future. 

I went from talking to three men to zero. Back to square one. 

12 Comments »

the many men in my life

the “many” may be a little bit of an exaggeration…but I said I was going to post an update about what’s going on in my dating life (or lack there of). 

Here they are: 

Mr. Linguist: I have a date with this guy on Monday. Not sure what we’re doing but I know we’re hanging out after class. I was initially into him because his profile listed he speaks 5 languages. I LOVE languages (my goal in life is to learn and master 5, I have 3 so 2 more to go). Anyways, I message him asking him if he really speaks all those languages and he replies with 

“No, I’m Not fluent in all of them. My Spanish is pretty strong. I can speak and write and know some clever terms. Chinese is very elementary. I can read Portuguese and get the overall idea of the conversation , but can’t speak very much. The Italian is poor and only consist of travelers words. Ideally I’d like to be able to converse in Portuguese and Chinese-at least that’s the goal.”

First of all, if you have that much of an explanation for languages you supposedly speak, YOU DO NOT SPEAK THEM. Therefore you should be listing them on your profile. Anyways, aside from that…he’s been a nice guy. Except…he has random bad spelling moments. He’ll use “they’re” correctly but wrote “bot,” yes…bot. Instead of bought. Ugh. He’s into getting to know me which is nice, constantly asking questions and what not. I think he’s cute. But he just disclosed some potential deal breaker information. He’s very religious. It’s usually a deal breaker because I think he may be one of those guys that wants to find somebody to go to church with every Sunday. I asked him if me not being religious is a problem but he hasn’t responded.  We’ll see. I can see our first day going pretty swimmingly. 

Mr. Lazy Ass: I rated him highly on okcupid then he messaged me yesterday saying I was cute. After a couple of messages he said he wanted to chat (outside of okc). So I gave him my number and then he says “text me” and gives me his number. So he wants me to make the initial effort. Fine, whatever. His about me section on his profile has no information about him [all it says is “hello]. I don’t even know why I rated him highly now that I look back at it. It was probably because he had some really cute information about his nieces, I thought it was adorable. Anyways, I’ve noticed he doesn’t like to talk about himself. I get it, somebody don’t talk about themselves. But fucking eh, it’s so frustrating! I asked him to tell me a little bit about himself and he responds with “just ask me whatever you want, i’m an open book!” Uhhh, excuse me sir….I asked you a specific question, how about you answer it?! Also, he called me babe quite a few times. That’s weird. I’m not your babe, my name is Debora. I had to straight up say “don’t you think it’s too soon to be calling me babe?” He said it so many times and it made me feel so freaking uncomfortable each and every time. I had to put an end to it. Today, he asks me for a picture and in return I ask him for his last name because of my mild OCD and every contact in my phone has a first and last name. I’m being serious. Every single person (except my parents and sister) has their first and last name! HE REFUSED! Said it was tmi and that maybe we should get to know each other better first and asked for my picture again. Wtf. After you refuse to give me your last name, you think I’m going to send you a picture? LOL. you’re trippin. I mean, I understand some people are more private than others but this may or may not be a red flag. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’d love to hear what y’all think about this. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him to tell me about himself. HE STILL HASN’T! He keeps wanting to call me so we can talk but it was late last night and I wanted to go to sleep and now he wants to talk again but I’m at work (obviously working really hard since I’m writing this while at the office). All I know is that he’s some fucking warehouse supervisor that works graveyard. I don’t even know if our schedules are going to be compatible. I work and go to school during the day while he sleeps and while I sleep, he works. So far he’s been more of an annoyance than anything. We’ll see what happens. Maybe he’s just awkward with texting. We’ll see how I feel when I talk to him on the phone. 

And lastly, there’s Mr. Sexual. His first message was “Hey, wanna come over my place?” at nearly 10pm the other night. I didn’t because I’m a classy lady (duh). We’ve been talking ever since. We were asking each other a bunch of questions last night and most of his questions had to do with sexual things. They were mostly harmless though so I didn’t mind playing along. He said he originally joined okcupid because it’s been a while since he’s had sex but that if something else [relationship] happens, he’s okay with that too. I don’t know how much I believe it lol. He’s not into sports which I haven’t decided is a deal breaker for me or not. He said that I’m a “typical so cal person” for being a Lakers fan. I don’t know what he’s basing this off of since he doesn’t follow sports lol and last time I checked there are two teams out here and there are plenty of people who hate the Lakers (clearly this is a touchy subject for me) ANDDDD…if you live in a city where there’s a basketball team in, you’re OBVIOUSLY going to hear a lot of people say they like that team, duh! Another wtf moment. Anyways… aside from him wanting to show me up in a sports conversation which he will not win…he’s nice, funny and smart. He’s nice to talk to. I need somebody to be a distraction. He’ll do. 

And if you didn’t see in one of my previous post, I decided to break it off with Mr. Indifferent. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to keep stringing him along while I attempted to convince myself to date this guy. 

That’s it for now, folks! 

11 Comments »

Mr. Calm and Collected – part 3

First date went well with Mr. CC, I think. I still like him! I think he’s just as attractive as his photos. I thought him being 5’8″ was going to bother me…but it didn’t! Surprise, surprise. This just goes to show that I should really be open minded.

He’s super nice. He’s polite. He’s funny. He continues to be calm and collected. Random: I realized that he remembered my birthday! I told him about a week ago and he remembered! Crazy. I didn’t remember his. Clearly, I’m an asshole. Jk. Or not?

There was a bit of an awkward moment when an overly obnoxious lovey-dovey couple sat next to our table. They barely ate their food and kept making out. I hope I never become like that. It’s gross. Get a room people! Luckily, it didn’t last long. They left relatively soon after sitting down.

The date ended with a hug. I would’ve totally kissed him though. Not a full on make out session (there were way too many people around) but for sure a peck or something.

Anyways, I still can’t tell if he’s into me. I’m assuming if I can’t tell…then he isn’t? Maybe he doesn’t even know. Maybe he’s still trying to get to know me and figure it out? Or maybe he isn’t and I’m making excuses.

What am I supposed to do now? Do I initiate conversation with him if he doesn’t? Or do I just wait? How long should I wait? I don’t know what the “rules” are anymore. Or even if there are any. Questions are still zooming through my head.

Help?

36 Comments »

Mr. Calm and Collected – Part 2

The time has come for me to meet Mr. Calm and Collected. It’s been exactly one month and a day since we started talking. I’ve never been so nervous meeting somebody. I really like him.

Butterflies are a little out of control. I kind of feel like an asshole because I may or may not have forced him to meet me. Maybe not forced but I definitely made it very clear I wanted to meet him this week. He knows how much I love disney, so we’re going to downtown disney.

So, it’s happening. So many questions are going through my head…what if he doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like him? What if he doesn’t find me attractive? What if there’s no chemistry? GAH!

This is how I feel right now (this isn’t me btw):

Nervous

 

I’m off to get ready. Let’s hope for an awesome date!

9 Comments »

first date jitters

We all get the feeling in the pit of our stomach when we’re about to go on a first date. We start thinking: I wonder if he’s going to like me? Is he going to find me attractive? Is he going to be as attractive as his photos? What’s he going to be like?

So many questions, so little time! I had a first date yesterday and boy was I nervous!!! We were getting along really well so far via emails/phone calls/texting. So it seemed as though there was high potential for B (can’t use his full name, obviously).

At first he was just as awesome as I was hoping he would be. But then the subtleties started coming out. We went Christmas shopping together because he needed help buying presents for his family and I still had a few people to shop for. Here’s (kinda) how one of your conversations went down:

  • Me: okay, let’s figure out what you’re going to buy. Who do you need to buy for?
  • B: everybody
  • Me: *laughs* can we narrow that down?
  • B: okay, my mom is one
  • Me: perfect! what does she do?
  • B: she sews
  • Me: hmmm…okay. What does she do for fun?
  • B: she sews
  • Me: what does she like to do?
  • B: I don’t know
  • Me: Don’y you live with her?
  • B: yeah
  • Me: okay, so you don’t know what she likes to do?
  • B: no
  • Me: *laughs* you’re making it really difficult for me to able to help you buy christmas presents!

This conversation happened about 3 other times about other family members. GEEZ! Talk about pulling teeth.

I realized at that point we’re probably not going to work out. Why? Because he’s not very close to his family. My family (and friends) are very VERY important to me, we’re all very close. I deal breaker of mine is somebody that isn’t family oriented. I was bummed…I thought he had potential!

I mean, there are a couple other reasons why I think we won’t work out…one of which is his awkwardness but we don’t have to get into that right now. Or even the fact that he kept touching my arm. Dude, first date. Get off.

My question is: How far do we go before we break things off? Am I supposed to give it at least one more date? Am I jumping to conclusions? (sorry, I realize that’s more than one question).

7 Comments »

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