standards | thirty-somethings

height requirements

by vivaciousdeb

So, I know height is an issue for many women. Because I have too much time on my hands and I really enjoyed making a graph, I decided to track the height of 100 men. All completely random. There was no rhyme or reason to my clicking. Yes, I know. I need a life.

I always wanted somebody that was OVER 6’0″ and by looking at my chart…that narrows it down to 20 men! That’s crazy. I then changed standard to 5’9.” Thats a major change. I’m proud of myself. That brought up the number to 72. That’s pretty good.

Anyways, here’s my chart.

I’m hoping this will help women put the height requirements into perspective.

life in all its glory OkCupid single life

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the results are in!

by vivaciousdeb

Remember I said I was going to keep track of the profiles I came across to figure out whether or not I was too picky? Well, I kept track of 100 profiles. It’s a mixture of men that contacted me and profiles I clicked on.

I guess if you look at the numbers, it may seem as though I am picky. But you know what? I don’t care anymore. I am AWESOME and I deserve to be with somebody that’s just as awesome as I am. There are many things that are important to me and I will not lower my standards for the sake of not being single.

Out of the 100 profiles I came across, I was interested in 27. I thought I’d make this legit and make some graphs.

I tried to keep track of the reasons as to why I was uninterested.

I don’t understand why some people just don’t put effort into their profiles. Simply saying “if you have any questions, just ask!” Ugh, so annoying. Another top reason is what I classified as “meh.” I know it doesn’t explain much but it means that there was nothing that stuck out to me and I was uninterested in them. Politically, I’m super liberal so being with somebody that’s conservative will not work for me. I’m deathly allergic to cats so being with somebody that has them is out of the question.

I’m not going to bore all of you and explain all of the reasons why I wasn’t interested in the men.

Does this mean I’m too picky? Maybe. Should I feel bad for it? Hell no.

life in all its glory

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fixing my picker

by vivaciousdeb

I take college classes for “fun” because I feel it’s extremely important to keep learning. I came across one of the most incredible professors I’ve ever come across. This post is because of him. I did NOT come up with the title nor this idea, it’s all him. I give him all the credit.

He gave us many life lessons and I loved every minute of it. One day he blew my mind with one simple statement: “most people put more effort into buying a car than picking a mate.” I didn’t believe it at first and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. IT’S SO TRUE!

If it wasn’t…I wouldn’t have an endless amount of friends, acquaintances, and whoever else I’ve come across…continuously get themselves in really shitty relationships. There’s usually a trend: why do girls keep going back to guys that keep breaking their hearts? It’s usually because they hope they’re going to change. But let’s face it…most of time they don’t (this really goes for men and women). I’m not by any means saying nobody is capable of change. I’m just saying the majority of people don’t. Yet…we all fall into these traps and/or trends, wishing and hoping they’re going to be different from the last time.

My professor said we need to have a list of things we want in a mate. Just as we would when we buy a car, there are things that are must-haves (whatever is non-negotiable), optional (would be nice but not absolutely necessary), and lastly deal-breakers (no way, no how. It’s not happening!) That way we can evaluate who the person is and avoid any future breakups or heartaches.

Now it’s time to put my list out in the open.

Must-Haves

wants children/family oriented
appreciates/encourages education
ambitious
appreciates/encourages humanitarian efforts
honest
ability to compromise
sense of humor
loyal
lives a somewhat healthy/active lifestyle
loves sex
supportive
faithful

Optional:

never married
no kids
college degree
loves amusement parks
loves to travel

Deal-Breakers

unwilling to live a somewhat healthy lifestyle
unable to talk about emotions
doesn’t want children
controlling
doesn’t want to get married
rude and inconsiderate
uses drugs of any kind including marijuana

These are the things that I thought of off the top of my head. There may or may not be more.

If only everybody took the time to make a list and follow it.

Real Life single life

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real beauty?

by vivaciousdeb

Not too long ago, a good friend of mine (who follows this blog, so I know he’ll read this) made me really think because of a comment he made. He said “so, you and I wouldn’t be able to date because I’m not tall enough for you?” (see https://vivaciousdeb.com/2012/12/17/lowering-my-standards/) I know he wasn’t coming onto me, he was just making a point. We talked about it a bit and he continued to tell me “I always look passed the looks before anything else.” Granted, he’s also a very good looking guy and I’m pretty sure he can get any girl he wants. But that’s besides the point.

I mean, don’t get me wrong…I’m not 100% concerned about looks but as I mentioned before, height is a very important factor for me when choosing a guy. He asked me why. I actually hesitated to answer (because I guess I wasn’t even too sure why) and said “well, it’ll just look awkward and it makes me feel better.” As soon as I said that, I came to the immediate realization that it’s ALL in my head! I’m a big girl so I just feel that it’ll make me feel better if I was with somebody taller and bigger than me.

am I that insecure?

Apparently, I am! I dunno, I’m really starting to reevaluate my standards. Being the size that I am…I automatically get disqualified because let’s face it…nobody wants to date a fatty. Unless you’re a chubby chaser, but that’s a different story.

Anyways, I’ve lost weight. I’m starting to feel much better about myself physically, which is wonderfully! I know I’m an awesome person, I’ve always been told I have a great personality. But how will a guy know that if he doesn’t give me a chance? He’s missing out on being with somebody that could potentially make him really happy.

My point to all this rambling is: who am I to judge somebody by their height? Or weight? Or anything like that because I know I’m not the best looking person in the world (also not the worst looking). But I know for a fact that I am a genuinely good person with a good heart and could make somebody really happy, I just need a chance to show it.

How can I expect somebody to give me that chance, if I don’t give other guys that chance? I need to give somebody else that courtesy. I need to look passed these superficial qualities and focus on what’s important.

I’m going to really sit down and make a list of things I’m looking for and post it on here for everybody to see. I’m going to put a lot of effort into it so stay tuned, folks!

With all that being said….I’d also like to point out….that I don’t ONLY look for tall/big guys lol. There are other things that are very important to me, such us: being family oriented, love learning, somewhat healthy, honest, blah blah. I just wanted to throw that out there before anybody says there are more important things than being tall and what not. I’m very aware of that.

life in all its glory Real Life single life

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lowering my standards?

by vivaciousdeb

So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about whether or not I’m too picky. The days where my confidence is booming, I feel I’m not being picky because I deserve to be somebody that’s up to my standards. The days where I’m feeling a little bummed, I think maybe I should lower my standards because clearly something is going wrong if I’m 27 and very much single.

I’ve already lowered some of my standards but how low am I going to have to go? Before, I only wanted to date guys who were never married and didn’t have kids. HOWEVER, the older I get…the more I see how hard it is to find that, it’s nearly impossible. So, I had no choice but to change that. Now, I simply prefer they don’t have kids.

Also, I used to have a height requirement. Yeah, that’s ridiculous of me, I know. Get over it. My height requirement used to be 6’0″ but it’s been lowered to 5’10.” Certain days even about 5’9.” Even then…I feel that it’s getting lower and lower. I guess I should just want somebody the same height as me.

Anyways, I got an idea from another blog: http://talesofatvaholic.com/2012/12/16/am-i-too-picky/ . I am going to start tracking people I look at, contact, respond to, etc. THEN I’m going to calculate my level of pickiness.

I have some time off until school starts, so this should keep my busy! This is going to be legit, spreadsheet and all.

I’m looking forward to seeing my results, I hope you all are too!

life in all its glory Real Life single life

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