thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

online dating? again?

It has been about a week or so that I started considering going back to online dating. I’m in a much better place emotionally and let’s face it…I’m considered more attractive now with the weight loss (it’s terrible, I know). Yes, people say that it’s not just the outside that counts…but we live in a society where the outside does in fact matter and if you aren’t remotely attractive then you don’t catch somebody’s interest.

So, today. I took the plunge. I’ve heard of bumble, I had never tried it. I downloaded it, but I don’t like that it requires me to link my facebook to my account. I decided against it. I tried coffee meets bagel and it’s the same thing! WTF! Why do they do that?? I mean, I have facebook but I don’t know how I feel about syncing my profiles together. Then, I went back to OkCupid. I always enjoyed being on OkC. My profile was never deleted, just disabled. I signed back in, changed a few photos, made minor adjustments to my profile – and I was ready to go. Then, BAM! OkC is basically like the new tinder. Where you swipe left or right to decide whether or not you like them. I hated tinder and now OkC is just as awful.

I absolutely will not try Eharmony or Match again. Not too sure what else to do at this point. Has anybody tried bumble or coffee meets bagel? I’m not a fan of the idea of syncing it to my facebook.

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Awkward questions (part 2) 

So, one of the biggest adjustments I’ve had to go through since having my surgery are the invasive questions. 

I’m at the point where there has been a drastic change physically. 50 lbs is a lot of weight. Naturally people will comment things like “wow! You look great! You’ve lost so much weight!!” I don’t have a problem with that. It feels GREAT getting compliments. I always say thank you and yes, I have lost weight. 9 out of 10 times the follow up question is: how did you do it?? 

Initially I always answered that I had weight loss surgery not realizing the barrage of questions that would follow. For example: how much weight have you lost? Where was your weight before starting? What’s your goal weight? Why did you decide to do it? Why didn’t you just eat right and exercise? 

Don’t get me wrong, I actually have no problem answering those questions when it comes to my own friends and family. Where I do have a problem is that these are random people I come into contact with at work. Nobody I have a real friendship with. Nobody that deserves to know all that information. 

My therapist and I have come up with an answer when they’ve asked how I’ve lost the weight: I’ve been watching what I eat. It’s enough to justify the weight loss. Enough to satisfy their curiosity without compromising my privacy.

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Cliches

So, I know the biggest cliche is for people to say “New Year, New Me.” I always try to steer clear from those types of cliche’s but….I feel that this year, that saying is particularly accurate.

There have been quite a few things that have happened but I can most definitely this year has started with a bang! No, I’m not seeing anybody. Still single. That’s likely not going to be changing anytime soon. I’ve come to that conclusion.

But other exciting things are happening! I am having bariatric surgery. Specifically the gastric sleeve. Don’t know what that is? Click here, to learn more. My weight has gotten out of control, I’ve done diets, I’ve taken weight loss pills, I feel this is my last resort. My insurance has a pretty extensive prep course for it. We meet weekly for three months, 1.5 hour classes. We have to get approved by the dietician (having lost weight during the three month class), the chief of bariatric surgery and finally the surgeon who will be doing the surgery. So, anyways, I’ve finished the process and I’ve been officially approved for the surgery! It’s a very exciting time for me. Most of my friends have been pretty supportive. My parents are being supportive in their own way but I’m appreciative.

That’s it for now. Looking forward to this year and what it has to offer. Going into it, open minded and with an open heart.

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new beginnings

So many things have been happening. Nothing in the relationship department but everything else could not be better!

I’m transferring to a new location for work (in Los Angeles). I’m finally going to have a “regular job.” At my current job, I work nights and weekends. It makes it pretty difficult to have a social life. I’m going to have a glorious schedule: Monday-Friday 8am-5pm. I can’t wait! I start on Monday. Not only am I starting a new job, but I finally moved out of my parents and into a new place!! I’m living 2.7 miles away. In LA, that’s amazing! No long commute, another time saver.

My co-worker (Ms. Pearly Whites) moved into together. It’s the best decision we’ve made. She’s the best roommate. Also, if you’re wondering…Ms. Pearly Whites is now in a relationship! Remember that guy she hit it off with, well….clearly it went in the right direction. She’s in a relationship with him now. I’m so happy for her!

Lastly, as a last ditch effort, I signed up for Eharmony. This is pretty much the last website left for me to try. I signed up for a six month plan. I’m going to give it my all, and if nothing comes of it, I’m going to quit the online dating scene. I’ve been doing it for too long and I just don’t want to continue it anymore. I hadn’t tried it in the past because I felt it was too expensive but they had a deal going on. I signed up and i’s been an interesting experience so far. For those of you that have not tried it, let me give you the run down. You can’t message somebody a normal message..as in “Hey, how’s it going?” There’s a process. First, you send each other “quick questions” and you go through two rounds of that. Secondly, you have “makes and breaks,” you have to provide ten each. After you’re done with that, it’ll show you both of your answers to see where you have similar answers. Next, you have “dig deeper” questions. You ask three questions that require longer/thought out answers. – this is how far I’ve gotten in the process. I believe the next part is a regular message where it’s an open discussion.

I’m still dabbling in OkCupid. I’m hoping with those two combined as well as moving to a new area, some magic will happen!

I’m looking forward to this new adventure I’m embarking on. New job, new apartment, new online dating sites. Here’s to new beginnings!

 

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flirting…or lack there of…

how-i-think-i-look-when-im-flirting-how-i-actually-look

I can’t remember if I have written a post about my lack of flirting skills. I was too lazy to check, so here I am.

I suck at flirting. It’s one of those things I didn’t pick up on. Don’t get me wrong…I’m a very social person, I get along really well with others, and I can carry on a normal conversation with others. So what is it about flirting that makes me act like a socially awkward person?!? I have no idea. For example, this messaged me on OkC just the other day saying I have an adorable smile. My response back to him?? “You have some pretty cute dogs!!” I tried to save it by later saying something about him being good looking. He handled it well and said among the lines of they get it from him.

Bad Flirting

Is there a way I can learn how to flirt? I’m nearing thirty…does that mean I’m a lost cause?

There’s another funny story: (I’ve told this to a few of my friends, so if y’all are reading this…sorry!)

I go to staples (which is my favorite store…I have a freakish obsession with office supplies) and as I leave the store there’s a cute guy just a few feet in front of me leaving the store as well. Both of our cars are parked on the right side of the lot but in order for it not to be awkward, I move over to the left side so I’m not directly behind him. I soon realized that was a bad idea because I had to get to my car…I slowly moved back over to the right side. Only to my disbelief the cute guy is parked NEXT TO ME! EEEK! So, as I kinda get behind him again…he says in a jokingly/flirty way…”oh are you following me?!” And my response?? First, I make an weirdddd noise…followed by…”uhhhhh…sorrryyyyy….” all while hurrying to get to my car.

I sat in the car for a minute thinking: OUT OF ALL THE THINGS I COULD’VE SAID?! I SAID SORRY!?!??!? Ugh. I really gotta step up my flirting game.

Anyways, that’s that. One day some guy will learn to appreciate my social awkwardness.

there are so many good memes on bad flirting!

there are so many good memes on bad flirting!

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Compromises

So, I’ve mentioned that I work for my mom and I absolutely hate it. Yeah…it has its perks like I can take time off when necessary and blah blah. But at the end of the day working for my mom makes me want to not wake up in the morning sometimes.

Worst part about this is I also live with my parents. As a 28 year old, this is not the ideal situation.

My mom and I keep fighting more and more. Actually its more her acting crazy or overreacting and being sensitive.

Im at the end of the rope. There are two possible solutions. Either I move out and continue working for her OR get another job and stay living at home. The problem with that second option is that I’m starting grad school and itll be incredibly difficult to find a job thatll accommodate my school schedule (considering I have classes and my internship.) The problem with that first option is that my pay is being cut in half because I’m going to cut my hours to be able to go to school full time. So what im able to pay for rent is actually not much. Finding affordable housing in southern california is practically unheard of.

Theres an option on the table for housing. I know a girl thats willing to charge me super cheap for rent buttttt we’re gonna have to share a room in her one bedroom apartment. It’ll be a little cramped but its doable. I can afford what she’s offering.

I’ve always said I don’t want to share a room with anybody. But is it worth it for me to compromise? I need to get out of my house because the amount of resentment I’m feeling towards my mother is not healthy and I’m totally aware of that.

What to do? What to do?

All I know is that this sucks major monkey balls and I wish I wasnt even in this situation.

Blah.

I apologize for my post not being my regular happy go lucky self.

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Breaking Records

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve never really been in a serious relationship. The longest relationship I’ve ever been in has been about two months. Mr. Incredible and I are approaching our 4 month mark. I’m not gonna lie…it freaks me out. I’m a happy and positive person but for some reason I have this fear that I’m going to mess something up.

I try my best to be the best girlfriend I can be so I know there’s nothing more I could do to try and make him happy but I can’t help to have a lingering thought that I may or may not mess it up. I think that may be my OCD talking. I like to have things planned out but I can’t do that in my relationship (at least not at this point).

I don’t know at what point I’ll stop thinking that way but I hope it’s soon.

I guess that’s it for now.

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Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day to all you daddy’s out there. You’re all awesome!

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned the fact that Mr. Incredible has a daughter or not. But…he does. He’s an awesome dad. Just hearing him talk to his daughter melts my heart because its so damn adorable.

Anyways…the point of my blog today is…am I supposed to buy him a gift? I mean, he’s a dad. He’s my boyfriend. No, we don’t have a kid together but that doesn’t take away the fact that he deserves presents on Father’s Day.

We were at the mall looking for a gift for my dad and while looking around, I jokingly asked “what’s the protocol on this Father’s Day ordeal? Am I supposed to get you something, too?” We laughed. Because let’s face it…neither him nor I have been in this situation so we have NO idea! He said he didn’t know. I told him I’d get him a little something. I ended up getting him a shirt (which he chose) I didn’t make the present itself a big deal. I didn’t even wrap it. He seemed to really like the fact that I did something. He really does deserve it.

Did I do the right thing? I hope so! Should I have made it a bigger deal? Well, It’s already done and over with at this point. But, I’d like to hear your thoughts. What would you have done in my situation? Have you been in this situation as well?!? I’d love to hear your stories!

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happiness

I’ve talked about how being happy is an actual skill. It isn’t easy and it is definitely a process. I came across an awesome article titled “22 things happy people do differently” and I found that I actually live by mostly everything that was written on there. It was a pretty awesome feeling. Here’s what it says: 

1. Don’t hold grudges.

Happy people understand that it’s better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you’ll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life.

2. Treat everyone with kindness.

Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

3. See problems as challenges.

The word “problem” is never part of a happy person’s vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

4. Express gratitude for what they already have.

There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have.

5. Dream big.

People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

7. Speak well of others.

Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

8. Never make excuses.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Happy people don’t make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

9. Get absorbed into the present.

Happy people don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they’re doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

10. Wake up at the same time every morning.

Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

11. Avoid social comparison.

Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

12. Choose friends wisely.

Misery loves company. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

13. Never seek approval from others.

Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.

14. Take the time to listen.

Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

15. Nurture social relationships.

A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

16. Meditate.

Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

17. Eat well.

Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

18. Exercise.

Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

19. Live minimally.

Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

20. Tell the truth.

Image

21. Establish personal control.

Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don’t let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one’s own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

22. Accept what cannot be changed.

Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

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when “they” are right…

So I know we’ve all heard those sayings about what “they” think. 

  • “they” say time heals all
  • “they” say once you stop ‘looking’ he/she will coe around
  • “they” say blah blah blah 

You get the point. 

I always hated when people told me that when I stop looking, “he” would come around. I think I may have even written about it before. What does that even mean? It’s not like I was standing on a street corner with a sign over my head that read “looking for Mr. Right!! MARRY ME!” 

I’ve also always hated being single which is quite unfortunate because I’ve always been single! ha. I’ve never really been in a serious relationship. Just dated around.

Most of you have been a part of my journey where I basically came to accept being single. I actually started to enjoy it. I liked being single for once. 

And…boom. Mr. Incredible came around. 

“They” where right. Those bastards. Whoever they are. 

Sometimes I’m not sure if I should flip them off or thank them. 

What are some moments where “they” have been right for you? I’m curious to hear other people’s stories. 

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