thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

happiness

I’ve talked about how being happy is an actual skill. It isn’t easy and it is definitely a process. I came across an awesome article titled “22 things happy people do differently” and I found that I actually live by mostly everything that was written on there. It was a pretty awesome feeling. Here’s what it says: 

1. Don’t hold grudges.

Happy people understand that it’s better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you’ll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life.

2. Treat everyone with kindness.

Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

3. See problems as challenges.

The word “problem” is never part of a happy person’s vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

4. Express gratitude for what they already have.

There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have.

5. Dream big.

People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

7. Speak well of others.

Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

8. Never make excuses.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Happy people don’t make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

9. Get absorbed into the present.

Happy people don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they’re doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

10. Wake up at the same time every morning.

Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

11. Avoid social comparison.

Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

12. Choose friends wisely.

Misery loves company. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

13. Never seek approval from others.

Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.

14. Take the time to listen.

Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

15. Nurture social relationships.

A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

16. Meditate.

Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

17. Eat well.

Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

18. Exercise.

Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

19. Live minimally.

Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

20. Tell the truth.

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21. Establish personal control.

Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don’t let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one’s own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

22. Accept what cannot be changed.

Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

6 Comments »

when “they” are right…

So I know we’ve all heard those sayings about what “they” think. 

  • “they” say time heals all
  • “they” say once you stop ‘looking’ he/she will coe around
  • “they” say blah blah blah 

You get the point. 

I always hated when people told me that when I stop looking, “he” would come around. I think I may have even written about it before. What does that even mean? It’s not like I was standing on a street corner with a sign over my head that read “looking for Mr. Right!! MARRY ME!” 

I’ve also always hated being single which is quite unfortunate because I’ve always been single! ha. I’ve never really been in a serious relationship. Just dated around.

Most of you have been a part of my journey where I basically came to accept being single. I actually started to enjoy it. I liked being single for once. 

And…boom. Mr. Incredible came around. 

“They” where right. Those bastards. Whoever they are. 

Sometimes I’m not sure if I should flip them off or thank them. 

What are some moments where “they” have been right for you? I’m curious to hear other people’s stories. 

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Relationship titles

Having that titles talk is the most awkward talk ever. I made a pretty conscious decision to not have “that” talk with Mr. Incredible because I knew we weren’t dating anybody else and that was all I needed to know.

One day when we’re hanging out…he introduces me as “his lady.” I liked it. I feel like the title of girlfriend or boyfriend sounds weird lol. Is that just me??

Anyways a few days later, he makes a pit stop at his old job but I waited in the car. Apparently he tells his old co-workers (when they asked about me) that I was his lady and one dude asked what that meant LOL. At the end of the conversation Mr. Incredible explains that I’m his girlfriend.

Whoa. Girlfriend? Yeah, that just happened y’all.

After he told me about that conversation…we talked about the awkwardness of relationship titles. I have such a pet peeve when people have the constant need to refer to their significant other as their boyfriend or girlfriend. THEY HAVE A NAME!

Also, I feel that as I get older…having a “boyfriend” just sounds weird. I remember reading an article once…I really wish I saved it! About alternative names for your boyfriend.

Man friend? My dude? I’ve actually referred to him as both.

I guess it depends on who I’m talking to about him.

I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my blog. I’m no longer an online dater…and I don’t believe in putting my relationship on blast.

What will I do?!?? Suggestions? Write about other aspects of my life? I mean, I have a relatively interesting life! Haha.

Speaking of, I got accepted into grad school at USC. Crazy, huh?

Shit just got real, folks.

12 Comments »

haters gon’ hate

So I got what I’d like to call my first “haters comment” on my last post. This person basically dissected my entire post in bullet point format essentially saying I am drama, irrational and I deserve to be treated the way that I was. Obviously not in those exact words lol but that’s what I got from the comment. I didn’t approve the comment because I will not allow somebody to write that nonsense on my blog. Most of the people that read my blog do not know me well enough to make an assessment about me like he/she did (I’m totally assuming it was a guy though). 

The entire comment was 884 words, yes…I had to copy and paste it into Word because I just had to know. That’s OVER one page, typed! First, this person cares way too much about what I’ve had to say and secondly…who the hell has THAT much time on their hands? 

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Saw this somewhere on Facebook late last night. I can’t remember where though. This had me legitimately laughing out loud.

Anyway…I knew some sort of hater was going to cross my path at some point. I mean, I am putting myself out for the public to read about. Does this make me an official blogger now? Maybe! I’m sure it’ll happen again. In which case, I’ll brush it under the rug again because to be quite honest…I don’t really give a shit! 

Here’s a little snippet of what he/she said: 

“I won’t call you an “asshole”, but I will say that you would do well to take responsibility for yourself rather than demanding that others give you special treatment….You may not be “crazy”, but you certainly aren’t rational, at least as far as this “male friend” of yours is concerned.” 

I didn’t even go into detail about what my male friend and I had a falling out over…so that’s just ridiculous lol. Also, I’m pretty sure I didn’t ask for special treatment. 

I think some people just like to be not only critical of others but also put them down.

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I love writing about my dating adventures because it puts things into perspective for me. There are so many awesome people that comment and give me their advice…I love it because it’s so helpful to hear somebody else’s perspective on whatever is going on in my life. To those people: thank you! 

To anybody who feels the need to berate others, fuck off. I don’t need your negativity.  

 

13 Comments »

I’m not crazy, dammit!

Men and women are stereotyped on specific things. Women are made out to be overly emotional, irrational, dramatic, illogical and weak. Yes, some women actually are those things sometimes but it is so frustrating when you get into a disagreement with a man and those characteristics are automatically thrown in your face and your feelings aren’t regarded to as legitimate.  

“Are you on your period or something?” That question should be erased from the male mind. Sometimes my hormones do get a little out of whack but I’m able to control how I react to something. 

Just because we bring up a concern does not necessarily mean we’re being emotional and illogical. Men, have you thought that maybe…just MAYBE we may be right and you’re just being a dick? Yes, I understand that some women are pretty nuts but for us women who are logical, it’s an unfair assessment of who we are as a person. And yes, I understand that not all guys are insensitive to a woman’s feelings. 

I had a falling out with a close guy friend of mine not too long ago. He really hurt my feelings by saying some things to me. I tried talking to him about it like an adult but he shut me down, called me silly for the way I reacted, belittled me, ignored what I had to say and much more. In his mind, I was being a “woman” and just overreacting. As a human being, I am entitled to feel what I want to feel. You don’t have to necessarily agree with what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling them BUT you should at the very least attempt to understand why I’m upset and not completely ignore the situation. 

Mr. 007 texted me just a few minutes after my post went up about him (crazy timing, right?). He sent me a half assed text saying sorry he never got back to me and asked how I was doing. Since I told myself I would speak up for myself if he actually got back to me, I had to come up with some sort of response to him. Later on, one of my best friends and I drafted up my response. It was a little bit of an ordeal because I didn’t want to come off as emotional and needy. It’s so sad that I have to be so careful like that. All because I’m a woman and don’t want those negative stereotypes thrown in my face. After about half an hour, she and I came up with: 

“I understand you’re a busy guy and all but you left me hanging mid-conversation. If you’re interested in me, all I ask is that you show you’re interested in me. If you aren’t (which is totally fine), then let me know now.” 

Short, sweet and to the point. No emotional remarks and nothing needy (at least I don’t think it sounds that way lol). Anyways, what was his response? 

“Sorry, I don’t want this drama.” 

First of all, I’m not being dramatic. It’s called being an adult and having an adult conversation. If he was into me, he wouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t asking for much. I was asking for him to put a little bit more effort in. 

He wanted an out. Which is understandable but saying I was being drama is completely uncalled for. It was a well thought out message. 

We just can’t win…. 

I hope that someday we’re able to shake off those stereotypes and be listened to. I know that’s a long shot because there are actually some crazies out there (men and women). We’re not always emotional, dramatic, illogical or weak. I actually have a good head on my shoulders, I’m relatively logical and I’m not always emotional. You sir, might just be an asshole and you don’t want to take responsibility for your actions. 

24 Comments »

feeling content

As we all know, it’s valentine’s day and I’m surprisingly okay with it. No, I don’t have a guy in my life. No, I don’t have a hot date tonight. 

Every year…I’m usually hating life on valentine’s day. I get into a major funk and become a ball of emotion with a “bitter betty” stamp on my forehead. I also always tell myself…maybe next year I’ll actually be with somebody and when that next year rolls around I’m disappointed in myself for spending another valentine’s day as a single woman. I’ve never had a valentine. I mean, a real valentine. I’ve hung out with my girl friends or gone out with one of my gay guy friends but never a real date. 

The past year (or so) has come with a lot of transformation. I’ve battled depression for a very long time but I made the commitment that I would make a very conscious decision to be more positive and to live a positive lifestyle. I cut a lot of people out of my life that needed to be cut out. It hasn’t been easy and I still have my “down in the dumps” kind of days but my general outlook on life is now pretty damn positive. 

Anyways, being single sucks sometimes but I’m not hating life today and that feels SO good to say. 

I feel like I’m going back to how I used to be. Just happy, bubbly and outgoing. Also, speed dating is happening tonight maybe that’s contributing to my non-depressing outlook on v-day. I’m not expecting to meet the man of my dreams but I’m looking forward to doing something out of my comfort zone. 

 

With that being said….HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! Hope everyone has a fantastic day! 😀 

 

13 Comments »

Mr. 007

Back in October, I met a guy…we can call him Mr. 007. We really hit it off, or so I thought. We had a couple of dates, we even made out! It would’ve probably gone further had I allowed it. 

In the midst of our “hanging out” phase, I found him on instagram. Yeah, I know…it’s stalkerish, judge me if you want. I noticed he was hanging out with a particular chick quite often. I tried not to think much of it because I have a lot of guy friends so I can’t be too judgmental. One night he called me around 10:30pm saying I should come over. We all know that’s booty call time. I prefaced my answer by saying I really don’t want you to get offended and explained to him that I wasn’t going to come over because I actually kinda liked him and didn’t want to ruin things by bringing sex into the equation too soon. It was a little more wordy than that but you all get the point. He got super butt hurt and sorta became an asshole. I’m pretty sure he had been drinking. We said our good nights and what not. I never heard from him again. 

Until about last week. Yes, last week. THREE months later. He hits me up out of the blue saying it’s been a long time since we’ve spoken blah blah. I respond hours later because “I was busy.” We end up actually talking on the phone later on that night and made it seem that I was the one that didn’t contact him. UM NO. I told him he got all butt hurt when I didn’t come over late at night and never heard from him. His response actually surprised me, he said “I can see why that left a sour taste in your mouth, I apologize.” 

Wow. He apologized. Cool! I told him it was fine because we had only hung out a couple of times. 

Anyways, I end up checking him out on instagram again. Well, because I needed to see what happened during this three month hiatus. Turns out…him and that broad became a couple. I think they’re broken up though because he had a recent picture with #singlelife. WTF? 

Mr.007 disappeared for a couple of days and said he wasn’t ignoring me and he was just busy. We talked a bit the next day (on saturday) but I haven’t heard from him since. It was a few texts back and forth but he completely ignored my last text. And boom, he’s gone…again.  

WHY MUST YOU CONTACT ME IF YOU DON’T PLAN ON GOING THROUGH WITH IT?! Just fuck off Mr.007. If you text me again, I’m probably going to say…listen if you’re into me then take the fucking time to show it, if not…delete my damn number. 

 

Sorry for my rant. I’m irritated, hungry and all alone in the office today. 

 

12 Comments »

feeling inspired?

I was nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by the awesome http://bookishguyseeks.wordpress.com/ I am so appreciative of it. He has a pretty incredible blog. I look forward to his posts, you should check it out 🙂

inspiring-blogger-award

Here are the rules of the award:
1.) Display the award logo on your blog.
2.) Link back to the person who nominated you.
3.) State 7 things about yourself.
4.) Nominate 15 bloggers for this award.
5.) Notify those bloggers of the nomination by linking to one of their specific posts so that they get notified by ping back.

Here are my 7 things about myself:
1. I speak three languages. Portuguese, English, and Spanish. Learned them in that order. My parents are Brasilian which is why I speak Portuguese fluently.
2. I was a Girl Scout from kindergarden to my senior year in high school. I also received the two highest awards available for Girl Scouts: Silver Award and Gold Award.
3. I was nominated for the class clown award in 8th grade and my senior year of high school; however, I really don’t think I’m all that funny lol. I’m just overly friendly and get along with all sorts of people and make them laugh every now and again
4. It has been one month and 10 days since I’ve quit smoking
5. I love netflix. I’m currently watching every episode of the X-Files, I’m currently about half way into season 6.
6. It has taken me way too long to think of random/interesting facts about myself.
7. I absolutely love board games or games in general. Taboo and scrabble are my favorite.

Now, here are some people you should follow:
1. http://sociopathicuttlefish.wordpress.com/
2. http://windwhisp.wordpress.com/
3. http://foreverlyandalways.wordpress.com/
4. http://itssinch.wordpress.com/

Sorry guys, I’m only posting four. I’ll probably add to this later, but it’s 3:15 in the morning. It’s time for me to go to sleep.

8 Comments »

personality tests

OkCupid has a incredible amount of personality tests. When I’m bored at work…I’ll usually sit and takes a couple just because I have nothing better to do. 

Anyways, I’ve come to the realization that these personality tests are freakishly accurate. 

Here’s a glimpse of some of my results: 

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Yes, I took the Harry Potter test…don’t judge me…judge all you want. 

They’re basically saying: 

  • I love to be in control 
  • I’m headstrong 
  • Opinionated and straight-forward 
  • Open-minded 
  • I have a good personality 
  • Dependable 

Yeah, that’s pretty spot on. I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

Thank you OkCupid for not only helping me out when I’m bored but also providing me with some insight into my personality. Does anybody feel the same way? I’m curious to know whether or not other OkCupid users feel these tests are relatively accurate.  

 

 

9 Comments »

yes man

As some of you may or may not know, I’ve been a little bit in a funk lately. Can’t exactly pin point what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling it but I guess I’d explain it as feeling “blah.” (Yes, I realize that isn’t very descriptive). 

I went out to dinner with one of my good friends the other night and for some reason she brought up the movie Yes Man. I can’t remember why it was brought up but the point that was made is that I should develop a “yes man” mentality. 

For those of you that haven’t seen the movie….it stars Jim Carey. It’s about how Jim’s character vows to say yes to everything that comes his way for a year because his life was stuck in a rut and he wanted to get out. Interesting movie, I liked it. 

I’m going to do it. Or at least try to. I have already mentioned before that I want to start doing more “stuff.” I need to get out there, I need to feel comfortable doing things on my own. I need to figure out what I actually like to do and know how to answer the question: “so what do you like to do for fun?”

As long as it doesn’t get in the way of my work (and school), potentially harm me or put my health in danger, and lastly if I can afford it…then it’s all fair game! 

To start it off…I signed up for a couple of match.com stir events. Speed dating and game night. I usually wouldn’t go unless I had somebody to go with but I really want to go so I’m not going to sit and hopefully wait for a friend to confirm. Going alone is definitely out of my comfort zone. But I’m okay with that. 

This is going to be interesting. 

16 Comments »

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