thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

I’m not crazy, dammit!

on February 19, 2013

Men and women are stereotyped on specific things. Women are made out to be overly emotional, irrational, dramatic, illogical and weak. Yes, some women actually are those things sometimes but it is so frustrating when you get into a disagreement with a man and those characteristics are automatically thrown in your face and your feelings aren’t regarded to as legitimate.  

“Are you on your period or something?” That question should be erased from the male mind. Sometimes my hormones do get a little out of whack but I’m able to control how I react to something. 

Just because we bring up a concern does not necessarily mean we’re being emotional and illogical. Men, have you thought that maybe…just MAYBE we may be right and you’re just being a dick? Yes, I understand that some women are pretty nuts but for us women who are logical, it’s an unfair assessment of who we are as a person. And yes, I understand that not all guys are insensitive to a woman’s feelings. 

I had a falling out with a close guy friend of mine not too long ago. He really hurt my feelings by saying some things to me. I tried talking to him about it like an adult but he shut me down, called me silly for the way I reacted, belittled me, ignored what I had to say and much more. In his mind, I was being a “woman” and just overreacting. As a human being, I am entitled to feel what I want to feel. You don’t have to necessarily agree with what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling them BUT you should at the very least attempt to understand why I’m upset and not completely ignore the situation. 

Mr. 007 texted me just a few minutes after my post went up about him (crazy timing, right?). He sent me a half assed text saying sorry he never got back to me and asked how I was doing. Since I told myself I would speak up for myself if he actually got back to me, I had to come up with some sort of response to him. Later on, one of my best friends and I drafted up my response. It was a little bit of an ordeal because I didn’t want to come off as emotional and needy. It’s so sad that I have to be so careful like that. All because I’m a woman and don’t want those negative stereotypes thrown in my face. After about half an hour, she and I came up with: 

“I understand you’re a busy guy and all but you left me hanging mid-conversation. If you’re interested in me, all I ask is that you show you’re interested in me. If you aren’t (which is totally fine), then let me know now.” 

Short, sweet and to the point. No emotional remarks and nothing needy (at least I don’t think it sounds that way lol). Anyways, what was his response? 

“Sorry, I don’t want this drama.” 

First of all, I’m not being dramatic. It’s called being an adult and having an adult conversation. If he was into me, he wouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t asking for much. I was asking for him to put a little bit more effort in. 

He wanted an out. Which is understandable but saying I was being drama is completely uncalled for. It was a well thought out message. 

We just can’t win…. 

I hope that someday we’re able to shake off those stereotypes and be listened to. I know that’s a long shot because there are actually some crazies out there (men and women). We’re not always emotional, dramatic, illogical or weak. I actually have a good head on my shoulders, I’m relatively logical and I’m not always emotional. You sir, might just be an asshole and you don’t want to take responsibility for your actions. 

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24 responses to “I’m not crazy, dammit!

  1. laurabennet says:

    A sad commentary on many people, especially the male species unfortunately. Still, there are decent guys out there who know how to consider a woman as a person, not simple an emotional “drama queen.” No, you are not crazy! I wish you all the best in your online dating experiences. Mine actually led to my soul mate who I’ve been married to for almost four years now. We still have some of those “crazy” communication issues, but you’re right that if he’s into you, he will take the time to listen 🙂

  2. Amanda O. says:

    I agree, there was no drama in your text. It’s just that men think they will eventually run into a woman who’s more like a robot than a human being: she won’t mind anything he does or doesn’t do, and will think whatever is thrown at her is good enough. Guys, FYI, THIS WOMAN DOESN’T EXIST. All we want is respect for us and what we feel. Men like to think they’re drama free, when all 007 is doing is being dramatic himself, going all or nothing. Honestly, you’re better off knowing who he is sooner than later.

  3. Audrey says:

    His loss. And besides, you don’t need an immature man like Mr. 007. What a cop-out: “I don’t want this drama.” What the hell. You weren’t being dramatic at all. Ridiculous. Though, it’s a good thing he said that and you didn’t waste anymore time with him.

  4. Ashley Delgado says:

    All I gots to say is A Fuckin Men!

  5. Shelia says:

    Usually if we are coming across as “Crazy” it’s because they make us seem that way. Just tell us I am not interested. We might be hurt be we wont act crazy. Its when they say i cant wait to see you and then never texting again!!

  6. New Single Guy says:

    That text certainly didn’t seem dramatic to me. What a douchebag. He wanted an out for sure, but that’s a pretty low way to go.

    • dsantos85 says:

      Thank you!! So glad I got a guys opinion on this. I did get my first “hater response” yesterday on this post which I think is from a guy but I’m not sure since it was anonymous. Basically ripped me a new one! hahah. I guess that means, I’m an official blogger?

  7. Guys use the ‘crazy’ line as a way to deflect. It’s so annoying. And most of the time, when they call a woman crazy – it pisses her off and makes her act a little crazy (with good reason). Having a guy ask ‘are you on your period or something?’ is enough to make me see red (no pun intended).

    If I’m just expressing my thoughts, concerns, etc and you call me crazy – crazy is what you’ll get.

  8. I truly feel that its not that we can’t win…its that we are dating game players. Only a player turns dating into a game. A REAL man would tell you if he’s not interested. I also firmly believe that there are more single players out there than real men and that’s why us poor single ladies have to weed through it. Also, some women then learn to play the game too (making them players) and the vicious circle begins. That’s my new outlook on the entire thing. If I want to call I will, I will not play any games and if I see the signs of a player I am moving on. Sorry to mega rant-lol-it’s a HOT button for me. On a separate note, any man who asks if a woman is on her period needs to run and hide. Oh that comment ticks me off! I would retort with “Are you on your manrag?” Keep your head up!! I love this post.

  9. Leslie A says:

    Ugh, I completely agree. Preach girl!!! I’m about to have a conversation with one of my guys like you did with Mr. 007. If he throws that drama thing in my face, I think I might kill him. Haha. Anyways, you’re completely right. Whoever wrote that nasty comment about this is an idiot!!

  10. Dawn says:

    Ok, I’m going to say this with Love! You were asking him to tell you he wasn’t interested, when in fact he was SHOWING you. This is something as women we do. We forget to see things as they are unless we hear it. It’s not just you, it’s most of us.
    As for his comment about the drama…well, this is one of those moments where you need to realize his reaction was more about him and less about you. Guys don’t like being called out on their rudeness. I had one guy email me on Match, never contacted him myself. He totally blasted me because my title line said “No drama”. He didn’t believe it since I was divorce, with kids and was a smoker. When I responded saying my ex and I get along, my kids are well adjusted and happy, and that I was working on my quit. He responded back saying that I was being defensive and that proved his point. I said, he was an asshole to contact someone the way he did who had not even showed any interested in him, then I blocked him. Was I being defensive?? Nope. He has issues…
    You would have been better to respond with “Hey stranger. I’m doing great BTW I’ve moved on so good luck on your search!”
    He probably would have responded with the same comment. However, you still win. The only way to get guys to stop treating you like that, is to stop letting them back in when they do. Even if you really really like him, if he doesn’t respect you, he isn’t worth your time. If a guy wants to be with you, he will make it happen.
    Have faith…

    • dsantos85 says:

      You’re completely right. I already knew he wasn’t interested…I guess I felt that my text was going to be a way to put our communication to an end. Because I’m a firm believe of what you said “if a guy wants to be with you, he will make it happen.” I know one day it’ll happen! 😀

      Oh and…your match dude. Some guys just come off the bat on offense! He definitely has issues.

      Thanks for your comment 🙂

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