venting | thirty-somethings

why match.com sucks

by vivaciousdeb

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m on two dating sites. Why? Because all of the excitement I get from one just isn’t enough. I hope you picked up on my sarcasm there.

I’m on OkCupid and Match.com. Honestly, I just wanted to see how a paid site is vs. a free one. I get more guys messaging me on okc than match.

On Match, I did the 6-month guarantee thingie. Basically, you pay for six months and if you don’t find anybody in those six months, you get another six months for free. There are rules though:

Contact at least 5 new members per month (I usually contact much more than the required 5)
Have photo “visibility” (there isn’t a numbers you should have up but as long as we have something up there)
Profile visibility (this one seems obvious, if it isn’t visible…nobody can contact you. duh)

Last month I realized I wasn’t really getting ANY responses so at the beginning of the month, I reset the visitor number so I can see how many guys visit my profile and compare it to how many messages I was getting. So far, I’ve had 130 visits to my profile and out of those 130, I’ve gotten THREE different men contact me. Two of which I initially contacted. One was Mr. Linguist and the other just fell off the face of the planet. We exchanged numbers and a few texts but boom! He was gone.

The problem with Match is that only people who have paid subscriptions can have conversations. I noticed that some of the messages I was sending out weren’t even being read. Does that mean the “matches” coming up for me to check out aren’t even subscribed members? WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO ME MATCH?! My options should be people I can actually talk to.

Out of those 130 views, only three people were interested in me?! WTF?

Some of those view could have been the same guy looking again, I usually do that when I first start talking to somebody so I can reference certain things in his profile. BUT STILL! I’m not going to lie, this is a little discouraging.

I’m about to finish up my sixth month on Match. Let’s hope I have more luck in the future.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m starting a 7 day detox/weight loss plan today. Today is day 1: fruits. It’s going to be an interesting week!

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i just want to feel wanted

by vivaciousdeb

I’ve been in a little bit of a funk lately. I think it’s about time I try and sort through these thoughts of mine.

Wanting to feel wanted applies to many aspects of my life. Not just dating; although, the point of my post is about the dating aspect, I think.

I’m not a fan of my job; actually…I kind of hate it. But, it is what it is. I’m (hopefully) going to start grad school in the fall, so things will change soon! I don’t feel like I’m needed/wanted there. I don’t feel challenged. I feel that everything would be just fine if I wasn’t there.

With my friends, I just want to feel that they think about me when they hang out and want me to join them so they call me and invite me. Even if it is last minute. I just want to know that I crossed somebody’s mind.

Even in my dating life…I want to feel wanted. I was recently at one of my friends house and her boyfriend was there. Throughout the night, he referred to her as beautiful, pretty, sexy, and maybe a couple other words describing how good looking she is. I love that she’s with somebody like that. She deserves it. I’ve never had that though. I’ve never had a man I’m seeing say that to me. Is that weird? I think it is. It’s no wonder why I don’t ever feel sexy, nobody has ever made me feel attractive. I know I’m not super mega attractive but I know I’m not ugly.

Every now and again, I’ll get an occasional “you have such a gorgeous smile!” Yeah, I know. Thanks.

I want a guy to look at me and for me to feel he wants to rip off my clothes. Obviously not all of the time, but every now and again…at least. Is that for real? Or is that something that’s just in books I read or movies I watch?

Maybe I need to learn how to feel sexy before I expect somebody else to find me sexy. I don’t know how exactly I can do that. I’ll do some research.

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