single life | thirty-somethings

does your voice matter?

by vivaciousdeb

Because apparently it does to some people.

Let’s call him Mr. Voice. We really hit it off on OkCupid. Felt like we were into some of the same things, on the same page of what we were looking for. Cute. Very responsive to messages.

It all escalated pretty quickly. Within the same day of us first talking, we exchanged numbers. We texted regularly for about a day or so. Then he became kinda fixated on hearing my voice. Saying he wanted to talk on the phone. I couldn’t that night, cause I was going out with friends. He ended up sending me a cute audio message saying good night or whatever. The next day, I sounded like a smoked a whole pack of cigarettes the night before….so I didn’t really wanna talk on the phone lol. He sent me another audio message. His messages slowed down. Barely heard from him. But, we texted a bit anyways.

The next morning, thinking I should maybe return the favor of the cute audio messages…I sent him one. Saying good morning and hoping he had a good day.

NEVER.HEARD.FROM.HIM.AGAIN.

If I already wasn’t self conscious enough about my looks. Now I gotta be self conscious about my VOICE?! What is wrong with people? Maybe he has a fetish with voices and it didn’t fit with what he likes? He was so fixated hearing mine. I have a hard time justifying his behaviors. But…why try….right?

Anyways. Online dating is rough! Trying to stay positive….without having too many expectations?

dating OkCupid single life

3 Comments »

balancing act?

by vivaciousdeb

So, “they” say…once you aren’t looking, “it’ll happen.” What in the entire fuck does that even mean???

Then, other people tell me to go back on online dating. How do I go back on online dating and NOT LOOK. Is it a balancing act?

I’m thinking it’s about going on online dating and not having any expectations?? That’s what I’m trying. I’m trying to do this online dating stuff and not really hope or expect to find “the one.”

Thoughts on this random Wednesday evening. Now that I’m back on OkCupid, I’ll have more stuff to blog about!

dating single life

4 Comments »

I just want to be hit on…..

by vivaciousdeb

is that too much to ask for??

Like, in person. I want a guy to approach me and hit on me! I want a guy to ask me out on a date. Ask for my number. I mean…something! I honestly can’t remember the last time that happened. It’s been years. Is being hit on still a thing? I have other friends that are approached by men when we’re out. So it’s gotta be a thing. Maybe it’s not a thing for me.

I was hoping that with my weight loss maybe I’d get a little attention. No, I didn’t lose weight to get the attention and I didn’t do it for somebody else. I was just hoping that it would be a positive thing that would come from being skinnier.

But it hasn’t. It’s disheartening. Disappointing. And such a lonely feeling.

life in all its glory Real Life single life

3 Comments »

Pet names

by vivaciousdeb

What is it with guys that use pet names right off the bat? Sweetie, babe, hun, love, baby etc. Mr. Jokester was like that. Also, another guy on OkCupid was like that too. I mean, literally every sentence he was saying something. Is that weird? Or am I weird for being annoyed?? We haven’t even met!!

That guy (let’s call him Mr. Insults). We had only exchanged a few messages and he kept pushing us meeting. Wanted to go to the movies (which let’s talk about the fact that going to the movies on the first time meeting, is already kinda weird) or then wanted to get coffee. Just made me feel uncomfortable why he kept pushing it. Mind you, he had complimented me a few times throughout the messages. But I just didn’t feel good about it. I told him “I don’t like this pressure to meet up. Sorry, I’m not interested.”

His response? : “You have a wig”

UH. WHAT? hahahaha….is that code for something? am I supposed to be offended?

What an interesting character. Wonders of online dating, y’all!

dating life in all its glory OkCupid single life

1 Comment »

The X-Factor

by vivaciousdeb

Y’all remember Mr. I? If not, here’s a very depressing post about our break up: click here. Well, we never completely lost touch. Every now and again, he would message me on facebook and we’d engage in small talk. Never anything too crazy. There might have been one time (a couple years ago) where we talked about giving it another shot, but we didn’t do anything with it.

Fast forward to about a month ago, we were both back on OkCupid. He visited my profile – I messaged him joking around about him visiting me. A week later, I visited his profile. He messaged me. Then our conversation became a bit more serious. He told me he missed me. He asked if I’d consider giving us another chance. I said, I’d be willing to if we both made changes because we both contributed to the break up. He agreed and asked me out to dinner. At dinner, he made so many promises. About how I was his other half, and how he missed me so much. That he now knows that he should’ve put in more effort and he doesn’t want to mess it up this time. That he was “all in.” I ate it all up. I believed it all. I was cautiously optimistic but was all in too. About a week later, he asked me to be his girlfriend again. I loved it. He really was putting in more effort. I believed we were moving in the right direction.

But that all went to shit a couple weeks in. The effort slowly dissipated. I would go the entire day without hearing from him. Finally after a few days of barely hearing from him, I finally called him out. Then he became frustrated with me saying “I told you in the beginning that I was busy.” Nobody is that busy that they can’t send a quick message. Barely heard from him after that. I tried my best telling him that I support him and all that he does. He basically told me he wasn’t going to change for “anything or anybody.” Well, his true colors came to light. At least I saw it a month into the relationship and not a couple years in.

So that’s that. He came and went. I feel used. My ego is bruised. I know it’s for the best. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason, right? I should’ve known better.

The silver lining(s): I had been so desperate to date that I’d say I’d take anybody but I now see that I deserve to be treated with respect. Since it had been so long since I last dated, I felt really awkward about the whole thing. Now I’m ready. I’m ready to really try. I’m back on OkCupid and putting in effort. May the odds be ever in my favor.

To new beginnings. Cheers!

dating life in all its glory OkCupid relationships single life

1 Comment »

damaged goods

by vivaciousdeb

I’m damaged. I can’t hang with online dating anymore. I’m fragile. I wish I wasn’t but it’s true.

I felt I really hit it off with a guy, we were sending these long and thoughtful messages to each other. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. I was excited about meeting him. We went on a coffee date and I haven’t heard from him since. It sucks. I felt that it was a pretty good date but not enough for him to want to continue talking to me?

I just don’t think I can do it anymore. I get really excited about meeting somebody and then they aren’t interested in me. What am I doing wrong? Readers, I know you’re going to tell me I’m not doing anything wrong. Blah blah. Clearly something is wrong and the most common denominator is me. All this does is make me sad.

I disabled my OkCupid account. Whomp.

dating life in all its glory OkCupid single life

9 Comments »

it’s officially official

by vivaciousdeb

Last week when I signed up for OkC, I deactivated my profile after a couple hours. A few days after, I processed some stuff with my therapist, I decided that moving forward with online dating would be a good thing.

I gave Bumble and Coffee meets Bagel a shot. I even synced them with my facebook. I gave in. I hated both of them. Although, I will say…Bumble has a whole lot of attractive men. Too attractive LOL. I’m not confident enough for Bumble. Coffee meets Bagel has this whole thing where have you earn “beans” and certain things cost “beans.” It’s all a sham to get you to pay them even though they say they’re a “free” site. Dumb.

Then, I reactivated OkC. Again. I’m officially back on and using it regularly since starting up again a couple days ago. Have a consistent convo with a couple different guys. I guess we’ll see how it goes. I’ll keep you updated!

dating life in all its glory OkCupid single life

3 Comments »

online dating? again?

by vivaciousdeb

It has been about a week or so that I started considering going back to online dating. I’m in a much better place emotionally and let’s face it…I’m considered more attractive now with the weight loss (it’s terrible, I know). Yes, people say that it’s not just the outside that counts…but we live in a society where the outside does in fact matter and if you aren’t remotely attractive then you don’t catch somebody’s interest.

So, today. I took the plunge. I’ve heard of bumble, I had never tried it. I downloaded it, but I don’t like that it requires me to link my facebook to my account. I decided against it. I tried coffee meets bagel and it’s the same thing! WTF! Why do they do that?? I mean, I have facebook but I don’t know how I feel about syncing my profiles together. Then, I went back to OkCupid. I always enjoyed being on OkC. My profile was never deleted, just disabled. I signed back in, changed a few photos, made minor adjustments to my profile – and I was ready to go. Then, BAM! OkC is basically like the new tinder. Where you swipe left or right to decide whether or not you like them. I hated tinder and now OkC is just as awful.

I absolutely will not try Eharmony or Match again. Not too sure what else to do at this point. Has anybody tried bumble or coffee meets bagel? I’m not a fan of the idea of syncing it to my facebook.

dating life in all its glory Real Life single life

7 Comments »

awkward questions…

by vivaciousdeb

I went to a social gathering this past weekend with a lot of high school friends I hadn’t seen in a while. I generally have no problem with small talk. I just can’t stand questions about me being single. There’s always that one questions “So are you seeing anybody?” And when I say no, obviously it opens up all sorts of follow up questions/comments:

Oh, it’s okay! You’ll find somebody
Being single is better anyways, you can do whatever you want
So you aren’t looking for anything right now?
So there isn’t anybody you’re interested in??

And much, much more.

Yes, of course I’m looking. I guess nobody is interested in me. People need to stop. Not one thing is “better” than the other.

dating life in all its glory single life

2 Comments »

new beginnings

by vivaciousdeb

So many things have been happening. Nothing in the relationship department but everything else could not be better!

I’m transferring to a new location for work (in Los Angeles). I’m finally going to have a “regular job.” At my current job, I work nights and weekends. It makes it pretty difficult to have a social life. I’m going to have a glorious schedule: Monday-Friday 8am-5pm. I can’t wait! I start on Monday. Not only am I starting a new job, but I finally moved out of my parents and into a new place!! I’m living 2.7 miles away. In LA, that’s amazing! No long commute, another time saver.

My co-worker (Ms. Pearly Whites) moved into together. It’s the best decision we’ve made. She’s the best roommate. Also, if you’re wondering…Ms. Pearly Whites is now in a relationship! Remember that guy she hit it off with, well….clearly it went in the right direction. She’s in a relationship with him now. I’m so happy for her!

Lastly, as a last ditch effort, I signed up for Eharmony. This is pretty much the last website left for me to try. I signed up for a six month plan. I’m going to give it my all, and if nothing comes of it, I’m going to quit the online dating scene. I’ve been doing it for too long and I just don’t want to continue it anymore. I hadn’t tried it in the past because I felt it was too expensive but they had a deal going on. I signed up and i’s been an interesting experience so far. For those of you that have not tried it, let me give you the run down. You can’t message somebody a normal message..as in “Hey, how’s it going?” There’s a process. First, you send each other “quick questions” and you go through two rounds of that. Secondly, you have “makes and breaks,” you have to provide ten each. After you’re done with that, it’ll show you both of your answers to see where you have similar answers. Next, you have “dig deeper” questions. You ask three questions that require longer/thought out answers. – this is how far I’ve gotten in the process. I believe the next part is a regular message where it’s an open discussion.

I’m still dabbling in OkCupid. I’m hoping with those two combined as well as moving to a new area, some magic will happen!

I’m looking forward to this new adventure I’m embarking on. New job, new apartment, new online dating sites. Here’s to new beginnings!

life in all its glory Real Life single life

1 Comment »