thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

Mr. Memory Lane

So, I’d like to talk about Mr. Memory Lane. A little while ago, I got a message from a guy I went to high school with on facebook. I had a crush on him back in the day and a few years ago attempted to reconnect with him by inviting him to a party I had at my house but nothing happened. Anyways, Mr. Memory Lane messaged me and we made small talk for a little while then asked if I wanted to grab dinner or drinks some time. At first, I thought it was a friendly invite trying to reconnect from somebody from high school. Remember my post about being a bad flirt? I’m pretty oblivious sometimes.

So, we talked for a couple weeks, texting, phone calls and it was glorious! He made me laugh and I finally was looking forward to going on a date with somebody. He’s cute, funny, hard working amongst other things. But yes, I was really looking forward to the idea of possibly dating somebody again.

We had a difficult time setting a day for us to meet because our schedules were a little off. Finally, I invited him to come meet with a couple girl friends of mine (they left pretty much as soon as he got there) and we just hung out for a little while. It was nice. We had a nice conversation and I really enjoyed myself. I couldn’t quite put my finger on how possibly felt.

Then about a day or so later, he stopped texting me. Just like that. Done.

Was he not attracted to me? Did he think I was weird? Did he think I was ugly? Or fat?? I mean, what the hell is it? It’s hard not to take stuff like this personally.

I think I may be at a point where I’m thinking something is wrong with me.

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that awkward moment when….

….you make the very sad realization that you’re practically the only single friend and family member.

It’s sad. It’s depressing. It’s so incredibly frustrating.

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inconsistency

I don’t know if this is just a guy thing or what…but…what is it with them being inconsistent?!? Do they think it’s okay to just disappear for a week or maybe two? There’s this guy I was texting…I haven’t heard from him in 8 days (I only know this from the time stamps on our texts). After a couple texts he has the NERVE to ask me for a picture. WHAT.THE.FUCK! I say “I haven’t heard from you in a week and then you ask for my picture?!” His response? “lol yes” WOW!! What in his mind makes that an okay thing to do?

There’s this other guy that I’ve been messaging back and forth on OkC and it’s been a little over a month. Of occasional messages that really have no meaning behind them. Just small talk “oh hows your day?” “it’s going well, just at work right now…” blah-di-blah.

I mean, why don’t these guys put some real effort in getting to know me?! I’m trying not to take it personally. I’m trying not to think “oh it must be me they don’t want to get to know” or “i’m not worthy enough for guys to get to know” but it’s getting really hard.

I know I have to be patient. The right guy will make the effort but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck in the meantime.

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flirting…or lack there of…

how-i-think-i-look-when-im-flirting-how-i-actually-look

I can’t remember if I have written a post about my lack of flirting skills. I was too lazy to check, so here I am.

I suck at flirting. It’s one of those things I didn’t pick up on. Don’t get me wrong…I’m a very social person, I get along really well with others, and I can carry on a normal conversation with others. So what is it about flirting that makes me act like a socially awkward person?!? I have no idea. For example, this messaged me on OkC just the other day saying I have an adorable smile. My response back to him?? “You have some pretty cute dogs!!” I tried to save it by later saying something about him being good looking. He handled it well and said among the lines of they get it from him.

Bad Flirting

Is there a way I can learn how to flirt? I’m nearing thirty…does that mean I’m a lost cause?

There’s another funny story: (I’ve told this to a few of my friends, so if y’all are reading this…sorry!)

I go to staples (which is my favorite store…I have a freakish obsession with office supplies) and as I leave the store there’s a cute guy just a few feet in front of me leaving the store as well. Both of our cars are parked on the right side of the lot but in order for it not to be awkward, I move over to the left side so I’m not directly behind him. I soon realized that was a bad idea because I had to get to my car…I slowly moved back over to the right side. Only to my disbelief the cute guy is parked NEXT TO ME! EEEK! So, as I kinda get behind him again…he says in a jokingly/flirty way…”oh are you following me?!” And my response?? First, I make an weirdddd noise…followed by…”uhhhhh…sorrryyyyy….” all while hurrying to get to my car.

I sat in the car for a minute thinking: OUT OF ALL THE THINGS I COULD’VE SAID?! I SAID SORRY!?!??!? Ugh. I really gotta step up my flirting game.

Anyways, that’s that. One day some guy will learn to appreciate my social awkwardness.

there are so many good memes on bad flirting!

there are so many good memes on bad flirting!

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are you the one?

Has anybody seen the new mtv show called “are you the one?” It aires Tuesday nights and they’ve only had one episode so far. I would love to say I’m above mtv reality shows…but clearly I’m not. They’re my guilty pleasure. It is what it is and I’m not going to be embarrassed about it.

Anyways, the idea of this show is pretty awesome. Here’s what MTVs website summarized the show as: In the most ambitious dating experiment ever attempted, 10 single women were selected and put through an extensive matchmaking process to find 10 single guys who are their perfect match. Now all 20 are living together trying to figure out who is their match. If they do, they’ll split the largest cash prize in MTV history – ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Couples have to participate in challenges and when they win, whoever hasn’t won gets to choose a couple to go into the “truth booth.” There, the couples will get to see whether they are a match or not.

Within the first episode, there was a couple that immediately clicked. They were ALL about each other and said they had such good chemistry. This was the moment I got hooked into the show. WHY? Because, my friend ALWAYSSSSSS puts major importance on the chemistry she has with a guy. If she doesn’t feel that “spark” or the chemistry or whatever she calls it…she will practically disregard the guy. We’ve had so many conversations about this so called spark because she’s felt it with all of her boyfriends. I tell her not to put so much importance on it.

Anyways, the couple that were all about each other turn out not to be a perfect match. Watch the episode tonight and tell me what you think of it!

Should we put so much importance on that connection? Should we sit and wait for it to happen? What if it doesn’t? Is it a waste of time?

Valid questions, I believe. I would love to hear your thoughts!

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I’m not crazy, dammit!

Men and women are stereotyped on specific things. Women are made out to be overly emotional, irrational, dramatic, illogical and weak. Yes, some women actually are those things sometimes but it is so frustrating when you get into a disagreement with a man and those characteristics are automatically thrown in your face and your feelings aren’t regarded to as legitimate.  

“Are you on your period or something?” That question should be erased from the male mind. Sometimes my hormones do get a little out of whack but I’m able to control how I react to something. 

Just because we bring up a concern does not necessarily mean we’re being emotional and illogical. Men, have you thought that maybe…just MAYBE we may be right and you’re just being a dick? Yes, I understand that some women are pretty nuts but for us women who are logical, it’s an unfair assessment of who we are as a person. And yes, I understand that not all guys are insensitive to a woman’s feelings. 

I had a falling out with a close guy friend of mine not too long ago. He really hurt my feelings by saying some things to me. I tried talking to him about it like an adult but he shut me down, called me silly for the way I reacted, belittled me, ignored what I had to say and much more. In his mind, I was being a “woman” and just overreacting. As a human being, I am entitled to feel what I want to feel. You don’t have to necessarily agree with what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling them BUT you should at the very least attempt to understand why I’m upset and not completely ignore the situation. 

Mr. 007 texted me just a few minutes after my post went up about him (crazy timing, right?). He sent me a half assed text saying sorry he never got back to me and asked how I was doing. Since I told myself I would speak up for myself if he actually got back to me, I had to come up with some sort of response to him. Later on, one of my best friends and I drafted up my response. It was a little bit of an ordeal because I didn’t want to come off as emotional and needy. It’s so sad that I have to be so careful like that. All because I’m a woman and don’t want those negative stereotypes thrown in my face. After about half an hour, she and I came up with: 

“I understand you’re a busy guy and all but you left me hanging mid-conversation. If you’re interested in me, all I ask is that you show you’re interested in me. If you aren’t (which is totally fine), then let me know now.” 

Short, sweet and to the point. No emotional remarks and nothing needy (at least I don’t think it sounds that way lol). Anyways, what was his response? 

“Sorry, I don’t want this drama.” 

First of all, I’m not being dramatic. It’s called being an adult and having an adult conversation. If he was into me, he wouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t asking for much. I was asking for him to put a little bit more effort in. 

He wanted an out. Which is understandable but saying I was being drama is completely uncalled for. It was a well thought out message. 

We just can’t win…. 

I hope that someday we’re able to shake off those stereotypes and be listened to. I know that’s a long shot because there are actually some crazies out there (men and women). We’re not always emotional, dramatic, illogical or weak. I actually have a good head on my shoulders, I’m relatively logical and I’m not always emotional. You sir, might just be an asshole and you don’t want to take responsibility for your actions. 

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speed dating in all its glory

Speed dating was very interesting to say the least. I’m so happy I went because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do so now I can cross it off of my bucket list! Yes, speed dating was on my bucket list. Don’t judge me. I don’t think I met anybody that I’m interesting in dating but I met a couple of interesting people. I hope that makes sense. This event was put on through Match.com and I’m a little confused as to how it’s supposed to work after it’s all done. Apparently we’re supposed to get a list of all the members that attended and we message them on there. We can only read and message members if they’ve subscribed to match. How is somebody supposed to read a message if they aren’t a subscribed member? I should’ve asked but once I got there, everything happened so fast! 

So, to change up how I usually write…I decided to take pictures that’ll walk you through my thought process. I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I did taking them. Some of the pictures aren’t attractive and it’s facial expressions like those that probably make me single but hey…it’s who I am and I have a damn good time being me. 

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Image

  1. YAY!!! SPEED DATING!!! 
  2. oh wait, I live in LA. I should’ve left two hours before the start time. It took me 1.5 hours to drive what should have been a 40 minute drive. 
  3. Okay, I’m here! Totally late but I haven’t missed anything just yet. 
  4. WAAAAIIIITTTTTT!! Mr. Awesome. You’re funny, attractive, smart, and all around super awesome. You just walked away from me! Rejection sucks. 
  5. Back from break. Let’s show those pearly whites! 
  6. You said whaaaa?!?!!? An ice breaker question was “what are you most proud of?” The dude answered: NOTHING! How are you proud of nothing? I wouldn’t even say I’ve accomplished all that much in my life but I know I’m a damn good sister, daughter, employee, and student. I’m proud of being alive. 
  7. What time is it?!?!?! It’s just about that time for me to go home. 
  8. We’ve gone full circle folks. The first guy I spoke to is the guy I got along with the most. I stand up….and I realize the dude is literally the shortest guy there. WHAT THE HELL?!?! Not only the shortest guy there but shorter than me 😦 Fuck. He messaged me at 1:49 this morning, eager much?!? Also, picture this: you know how a girl puts hair behind her ear. He did that, constantly! Except…he has short hair. It was very distracting.  

Hope you’ve enjoyed the story! All in all, I don’t think I’ll ever go speed dating again because being rejected to your face multiple times in such a short period of time is pretty disheartening BUT I’m still so glad I went. I’m so incredibly proud of myself for doing something out of my comfort zone and I did it ALL BY MYSELF! yeah! So awesome.  

 

 

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feeling content

As we all know, it’s valentine’s day and I’m surprisingly okay with it. No, I don’t have a guy in my life. No, I don’t have a hot date tonight. 

Every year…I’m usually hating life on valentine’s day. I get into a major funk and become a ball of emotion with a “bitter betty” stamp on my forehead. I also always tell myself…maybe next year I’ll actually be with somebody and when that next year rolls around I’m disappointed in myself for spending another valentine’s day as a single woman. I’ve never had a valentine. I mean, a real valentine. I’ve hung out with my girl friends or gone out with one of my gay guy friends but never a real date. 

The past year (or so) has come with a lot of transformation. I’ve battled depression for a very long time but I made the commitment that I would make a very conscious decision to be more positive and to live a positive lifestyle. I cut a lot of people out of my life that needed to be cut out. It hasn’t been easy and I still have my “down in the dumps” kind of days but my general outlook on life is now pretty damn positive. 

Anyways, being single sucks sometimes but I’m not hating life today and that feels SO good to say. 

I feel like I’m going back to how I used to be. Just happy, bubbly and outgoing. Also, speed dating is happening tonight maybe that’s contributing to my non-depressing outlook on v-day. I’m not expecting to meet the man of my dreams but I’m looking forward to doing something out of my comfort zone. 

 

With that being said….HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! Hope everyone has a fantastic day! 😀 

 

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Mr. 007

Back in October, I met a guy…we can call him Mr. 007. We really hit it off, or so I thought. We had a couple of dates, we even made out! It would’ve probably gone further had I allowed it. 

In the midst of our “hanging out” phase, I found him on instagram. Yeah, I know…it’s stalkerish, judge me if you want. I noticed he was hanging out with a particular chick quite often. I tried not to think much of it because I have a lot of guy friends so I can’t be too judgmental. One night he called me around 10:30pm saying I should come over. We all know that’s booty call time. I prefaced my answer by saying I really don’t want you to get offended and explained to him that I wasn’t going to come over because I actually kinda liked him and didn’t want to ruin things by bringing sex into the equation too soon. It was a little more wordy than that but you all get the point. He got super butt hurt and sorta became an asshole. I’m pretty sure he had been drinking. We said our good nights and what not. I never heard from him again. 

Until about last week. Yes, last week. THREE months later. He hits me up out of the blue saying it’s been a long time since we’ve spoken blah blah. I respond hours later because “I was busy.” We end up actually talking on the phone later on that night and made it seem that I was the one that didn’t contact him. UM NO. I told him he got all butt hurt when I didn’t come over late at night and never heard from him. His response actually surprised me, he said “I can see why that left a sour taste in your mouth, I apologize.” 

Wow. He apologized. Cool! I told him it was fine because we had only hung out a couple of times. 

Anyways, I end up checking him out on instagram again. Well, because I needed to see what happened during this three month hiatus. Turns out…him and that broad became a couple. I think they’re broken up though because he had a recent picture with #singlelife. WTF? 

Mr.007 disappeared for a couple of days and said he wasn’t ignoring me and he was just busy. We talked a bit the next day (on saturday) but I haven’t heard from him since. It was a few texts back and forth but he completely ignored my last text. And boom, he’s gone…again.  

WHY MUST YOU CONTACT ME IF YOU DON’T PLAN ON GOING THROUGH WITH IT?! Just fuck off Mr.007. If you text me again, I’m probably going to say…listen if you’re into me then take the fucking time to show it, if not…delete my damn number. 

 

Sorry for my rant. I’m irritated, hungry and all alone in the office today. 

 

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height requirements

So, I know height is an issue for many women. Because I have too much time on my hands and I really enjoyed making a graph, I decided to track the height of 100 men. All completely random. There was no rhyme or reason to my clicking. Yes, I know. I need a life. 

I always wanted somebody that was OVER 6’0″ and by looking at my chart…that narrows it down to 20 men! That’s crazy. I then changed standard to 5’9.” Thats a major change. I’m proud of myself. That brought up the number to 72. That’s pretty good. 

Anyways, here’s my chart. 

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I’m hoping this will help women put the height requirements into perspective. 

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