March | 2013 | thirty-somethings

why match.com sucks

by vivaciousdeb

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m on two dating sites. Why? Because all of the excitement I get from one just isn’t enough. I hope you picked up on my sarcasm there.

I’m on OkCupid and Match.com. Honestly, I just wanted to see how a paid site is vs. a free one. I get more guys messaging me on okc than match.

On Match, I did the 6-month guarantee thingie. Basically, you pay for six months and if you don’t find anybody in those six months, you get another six months for free. There are rules though:

Contact at least 5 new members per month (I usually contact much more than the required 5)
Have photo “visibility” (there isn’t a numbers you should have up but as long as we have something up there)
Profile visibility (this one seems obvious, if it isn’t visible…nobody can contact you. duh)

Last month I realized I wasn’t really getting ANY responses so at the beginning of the month, I reset the visitor number so I can see how many guys visit my profile and compare it to how many messages I was getting. So far, I’ve had 130 visits to my profile and out of those 130, I’ve gotten THREE different men contact me. Two of which I initially contacted. One was Mr. Linguist and the other just fell off the face of the planet. We exchanged numbers and a few texts but boom! He was gone.

The problem with Match is that only people who have paid subscriptions can have conversations. I noticed that some of the messages I was sending out weren’t even being read. Does that mean the “matches” coming up for me to check out aren’t even subscribed members? WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO ME MATCH?! My options should be people I can actually talk to.

Out of those 130 views, only three people were interested in me?! WTF?

Some of those view could have been the same guy looking again, I usually do that when I first start talking to somebody so I can reference certain things in his profile. BUT STILL! I’m not going to lie, this is a little discouraging.

I’m about to finish up my sixth month on Match. Let’s hope I have more luck in the future.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m starting a 7 day detox/weight loss plan today. Today is day 1: fruits. It’s going to be an interesting week!

all about me life in all its glory OkCupid

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religion or lack there of

by vivaciousdeb

Disclaimer: I will be talking about my stance on religion. I will always respect whatever religion (or not) you follow, I ask that you do the same for me. Please do not attack my beliefs in any sort of way (which essentially means, don’t try and convince me that I’m wrong).

So, I had my date with Mr. Linguist on Friday. We had a bit of a rough start. We were supposed to meet at 6 but I had some crazy work shit to deal with so I got held back later than expected. I sent him a text half an hour before we were supposed to meet to let him know I was going to be about 10 minutes late. I hate being late but I tried my best to be there as quick as possible and apologizing to him as well. When I was about 10 minutes away, he asked me how far away I was and I told him my GPS said 12 minutes. He said he had to make a pit stop somewhere but he would be there soon. That “pit stop” lasted what seemed like forever. He didn’t get there until practically 7pm. We were supposed to meet for drinks, that was WAY past my dinner time. I was hungry. But whatever, he apologized for being so late. Something about his dad holding him up (why he decided to pay his dad a visit when he was about to meet me is just mind boggling).

When he finally got there, we hit it off really well. Not sure if the physical attraction was there but he was really nice! His sarcasm was reallyyyyy intense. I consider myself to be a sarcastic person but DAMN! I even had a hard time keeping up at times.

The date was going really well until that ever-so-dreaded topic of religion came up. I told him I’d rather not talk about it but he insisted that we do. He wasn’t being a dick about it…just playfully brought it up.

That’s when the things just went a little sour. Not in a “we’re just going to give attitude to each other” but more so in a “we know it’s not going to work out between us.”

I guess I need to learn how to better explain myself when it comes to religion. I grew up catholic and I told him I identify myself as Catholic but I’m not practicing (it wasn’t always this way, I’ve changed my views on religion within the past few years). Maybe that was misleading on my part? I don’t know. I believe in some sort of higher being but I don’t believe in prayer. Because, in my experiences…it doesn’t work. I believe that if God had soooo much control over everything…certain things wouldn’t be the way that they are. He corrected me and said I’m “culturally catholic.” I’m not too sure what that means…but whatevs. I know I have some issues with religion that I need to get sorted out but I’m not ready to deal with all of that just yet.

When I tried explaining this to Mr. Linguist, he started defending his side. Basically started to tell me how I was wrong. I mean, I get it…he’s very into his religion. I used to be the same way.

I tried telling him again that I really felt we shouldn’t be talking about religion but he insisted, once again.

For the remainder of the date, he would “joke” by saying things like “oh let’s pray about it.” I mean, I think he was joking…cause he’d laugh about it. But if I just told you I don’t believe in prayer or anything like that…why continue bringing it up? Even if it’s just a “joke.” After we talked about my stance on religion, I told him that it would be completely understandable if it was a deal breaker for him and wouldn’t hold it against him. He said something along the lines of: it would make him a judgmental person if that was a deal breaker for him.

I didn’t reach out to him and he didn’t reach out to me after the date. I think that’s done and over with. I guess in a sense it’s good that we talked about it because it could have eventually caused drama in the future.

I went from talking to three men to zero. Back to square one.

life in all its glory

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the many men in my life (part 2)

by vivaciousdeb

didn’t get a chance to read part one? Click here.

Mr. Linguist and I were supposed to go out yesterday but that didn’t happen. When we planned it happened sorta like this: “Hey, let’s meet up next monday” “yeah, that’ll be wonderful!” That was it. Nothing else was decided. All of last week (until Friday) we were talking every day, throughout the day. Then come Friday morning, I stop hearing from him. We had only been emailing up until then, no phone numbers were exchanged. When Monday rolls around and I hadn’t heard from him practically all day…I kinda assume we’re not meeting up anymore. Right around 4pm he emails me saying “did you ever give me your phone number?” uhhh…no, no i didn’t. You never asked me for it. I gave it to him and he texts me like 10 minutes later and asks if I was ready for tonight. WAIT, WHAT?!

Was it wrong of me to assume we were no longer going out?? I told him since I hadn’t heard from him, I thought we weren’t going out and I had made plans. I lied, I totally didn’t. I mean, we were talking EVERY DAY….and I don’t hear from him from Friday morning all the way until Monday evening. Anyways, he said he understood but that he still wanted to see me. He handled it well. We’re meeting up tomorrow night instead.

Mr. Lazy Ass: as expected….that didn’t go anywhere. He said we should talk on the phone later on that night. I didn’t call so obviously it didn’t happen. Haven’t heard from him since.

Mr. Sexual: Oh Mr. Sexual, I kinda want to dedicate a whole post to him….but I’ll just get it all out there now. I broke it off it him. He was actually kinda nice to talk to but he’s just so oblivious to how to talk to women (at least that’s my theory, I could be totally wrong). Turns out, his last relationship ended in 2007. Yes, 6 years ago. Some people have stated that if it’s been too long since his last relationship…it’s a red flag. I don’t know if I agree with that…but it is what it is. Also, it’s been a year since he’s had sex. Our conversation went like this last night:

Him: is that where you’re going? Brazilian BBQ? (I told him I was going out to dinner)

Me: Oh no. those places are expensive!

Him: Oh hahaha. Ok I’ll remember not to take a date there.

Me: wow lol

Him: lol. what? too soon? (p.s. I don’t know what he was referring to here. I don’t know what too soon lol)

Me: No comment.

Him: lol. ok. yeah, I’m thrifty. [Pause] Besides why would I go all out on a woman I just met?

Me: so how long do you keep that sort of mentality? Is 3 dates considered somebody you just met? 5 dates? At what point do you splurge on your date?

Him: Depends on how she’s treating me. But I would say 5 to 7 dates and we better have an amazing night of sex.

Yes. Let that sink in. He said: we BETTER have an amazing night of sex. So he feels entitled to sex when he just so happens to splurge on his girl. Also, I’d like to just add a comment that I’m not a gold digger, I don’t choose guys based on their profession. I mean, remember the guy from speed dating? He was a doctor and I didn’t want to pursue anything with him. Anyways, I needed to get to the bottom of this conversation lol. Let me continue:

Me: So what are some places you’d take your date on those first 5 dates?

Him: Jeez, idk. probably a bar or coffee shop on the first. a nice but inexpensive restaurant on the second, shoot pool on the third, museum or wine tasting fourth. but there’s some room for deviation, I’m sure. [long pause] why does it matter anyway where i take a woman or how much i spend on her? Is she going out with me for me or for what she can get outta me? Or is where I take her or the amount I spend on her somehow an entitlement to her love and body?

Me: Whoa. There’s no need to get defensive. I was just curious to know where you’d take somebody on dates

Him: I’m not defensive. I’ve just always wondered. Women get so worked up about where a guy takes them on a date.

Me: I can’t explain why women do what they do. I can only explain why I do what I do.

Him: Dam, I was hping you’d give me some insight.

Me: You seem to think you have it all figured out. Since you think women get all worked up over dates.

Him: well, I just observe general trends based on my experience. I think If i really understood women, I wouldn’t be so sexually frustrated.

And there you have it. He thinks if he understood women he wouldn’t be so sexually frustrated and he would be getting some ass. Yes, that may be true but DAMN! Why is he so focused on sex?!? I mean, I know this is a huge thing for men….but keep it to yourself!! A woman you can potentially see yourself dating should not know this information.

So yeah, I broke things off with him. He’s way too concerned about having sex. Also, he said the only thing he missed about relationships is “sex and the occasional night out.” We then got into a conversation about the good qualities of a relationship and turns out all of his relationships have been all sorts of fucked up. His fault? I don’t know. But something is definitely off with this dude.

dating life in all its glory OkCupid

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the many men in my life

by vivaciousdeb

the “many” may be a little bit of an exaggeration…but I said I was going to post an update about what’s going on in my dating life (or lack there of).

Here they are:

Mr. Linguist: I have a date with this guy on Monday. Not sure what we’re doing but I know we’re hanging out after class. I was initially into him because his profile listed he speaks 5 languages. I LOVE languages (my goal in life is to learn and master 5, I have 3 so 2 more to go). Anyways, I message him asking him if he really speaks all those languages and he replies with

“No, I’m Not fluent in all of them. My Spanish is pretty strong. I can speak and write and know some clever terms. Chinese is very elementary. I can read Portuguese and get the overall idea of the conversation , but can’t speak very much. The Italian is poor and only consist of travelers words. Ideally I’d like to be able to converse in Portuguese and Chinese-at least that’s the goal.”

First of all, if you have that much of an explanation for languages you supposedly speak, YOU DO NOT SPEAK THEM. Therefore you should be listing them on your profile. Anyways, aside from that…he’s been a nice guy. Except…he has random bad spelling moments. He’ll use “they’re” correctly but wrote “bot,” yes…bot. Instead of bought. Ugh. He’s into getting to know me which is nice, constantly asking questions and what not. I think he’s cute. But he just disclosed some potential deal breaker information. He’s very religious. It’s usually a deal breaker because I think he may be one of those guys that wants to find somebody to go to church with every Sunday. I asked him if me not being religious is a problem but he hasn’t responded. We’ll see. I can see our first day going pretty swimmingly.

Mr. Lazy Ass: I rated him highly on okcupid then he messaged me yesterday saying I was cute. After a couple of messages he said he wanted to chat (outside of okc). So I gave him my number and then he says “text me” and gives me his number. So he wants me to make the initial effort. Fine, whatever. His about me section on his profile has no information about him [all it says is “hello]. I don’t even know why I rated him highly now that I look back at it. It was probably because he had some really cute information about his nieces, I thought it was adorable. Anyways, I’ve noticed he doesn’t like to talk about himself. I get it, somebody don’t talk about themselves. But fucking eh, it’s so frustrating! I asked him to tell me a little bit about himself and he responds with “just ask me whatever you want, i’m an open book!” Uhhh, excuse me sir….I asked you a specific question, how about you answer it?! Also, he called me babe quite a few times. That’s weird. I’m not your babe, my name is Debora. I had to straight up say “don’t you think it’s too soon to be calling me babe?” He said it so many times and it made me feel so freaking uncomfortable each and every time. I had to put an end to it. Today, he asks me for a picture and in return I ask him for his last name because of my mild OCD and every contact in my phone has a first and last name. I’m being serious. Every single person (except my parents and sister) has their first and last name! HE REFUSED! Said it was tmi and that maybe we should get to know each other better first and asked for my picture again. Wtf. After you refuse to give me your last name, you think I’m going to send you a picture? LOL. you’re trippin. I mean, I understand some people are more private than others but this may or may not be a red flag. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’d love to hear what y’all think about this. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him to tell me about himself. HE STILL HASN’T! He keeps wanting to call me so we can talk but it was late last night and I wanted to go to sleep and now he wants to talk again but I’m at work (obviously working really hard since I’m writing this while at the office). All I know is that he’s some fucking warehouse supervisor that works graveyard. I don’t even know if our schedules are going to be compatible. I work and go to school during the day while he sleeps and while I sleep, he works. So far he’s been more of an annoyance than anything. We’ll see what happens. Maybe he’s just awkward with texting. We’ll see how I feel when I talk to him on the phone.

And lastly, there’s Mr. Sexual. His first message was “Hey, wanna come over my place?” at nearly 10pm the other night. I didn’t because I’m a classy lady (duh). We’ve been talking ever since. We were asking each other a bunch of questions last night and most of his questions had to do with sexual things. They were mostly harmless though so I didn’t mind playing along. He said he originally joined okcupid because it’s been a while since he’s had sex but that if something else [relationship] happens, he’s okay with that too. I don’t know how much I believe it lol. He’s not into sports which I haven’t decided is a deal breaker for me or not. He said that I’m a “typical so cal person” for being a Lakers fan. I don’t know what he’s basing this off of since he doesn’t follow sports lol and last time I checked there are two teams out here and there are plenty of people who hate the Lakers (clearly this is a touchy subject for me) ANDDDD…if you live in a city where there’s a basketball team in, you’re OBVIOUSLY going to hear a lot of people say they like that team, duh! Another wtf moment. Anyways… aside from him wanting to show me up in a sports conversation which he will not win…he’s nice, funny and smart. He’s nice to talk to. I need somebody to be a distraction. He’ll do.

And if you didn’t see in one of my previous post, I decided to break it off with Mr. Indifferent. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to keep stringing him along while I attempted to convince myself to date this guy.

That’s it for now, folks!

life in all its glory

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because awards are fun

by vivaciousdeb

Okay so, three awesome bloggers awarded me with the Liebster Award.

I love these chain blogging awards, they make me so happy! The three bloggers that nominated me are: Suburban Girl, Impossible to Date, and Socially Oxward (side note: I’m so glad I finally learned how to do this linking thing! It makes things so much easier). I’m so thankful for having three separate people taking the time to nominate me! If you aren’t already following their blogs, you should. They’re all awesome!

The rules for the Liebster Award are very simple: You are required to thank the person who nominated you, answer the 11 question they have asked you, nominate 11 other people and ask them 11 questions in return. According to the guidelines the Liebster award should be sent to bloggers with less than 200 followers so that new bloggers can see how awesome they are!

I suppose I could answer each one of the 11 questions…but I think that would make this post long and boring. So I’m going to pick my favorite 11 questions out of the 33. Sorry it’s so cut throat.

Here are my answers to my top 11 questions:

Favorite punctuation mark? Explain. A: semicolon. I mean, is it a period? Is it a comma? It’s a confused little punctuation mark and I love it. I’m not even sure I know how to use it correctly. It’s also really weird to hand write a semicolon. I feel I have to emphasize the comma in it.
What’s the best food ever? Ever. (Also same question as favorite food) A: I’m going to go ahead and say Gnocchi. It’s by far my favorite thing to eat. If you don’t know what they are…I can best describe it as potato balls. I actually love anything with potatoes. Starchy goodness. Mmmm.
If a genie could grant you three wishes right now, what would they be? A: 1. Win the lotto. Sure, they say money doesn’t buy happiness but having that kind of cash would sure as hell solve a lot of my problems AND I’d be able to help a crap ton of people (including my parents so they can officially retire). 2. Get accepted into the USC Masters in Social Work program. 3. For me to find the man of my dreams and for us to live happily ever after (hey, a girl can dream…right?)
What’s your favorite part about blogging? A: The community. This is my first time blogging so I didn’t really have any expectations for it. The people I follow, generally follow the same blogs so it’s like we’ve developed this little community. It’s awesome! Also, blogging has been a great way for me to process my thoughts and feelings. Doing that has always been extremely difficult. It still is but I’m working through it!
What is humanity’s biggest flaw? A: oh my! That is quite the question. There are a lot of things I could list here. Lack of empathy, selfishness, greed, racism, politics, violence, everybody thinks they’re right and what they’re doing is the right way to do it (I don’t know if there’s a word for that), too judgmental, laziness (people think that simply “liking” a page on facebook is going to create some sort of social change, if you really feel strongly about…get off your ass and do something about it!), ignorance, people are so wasteful, and…ummm….corruption. [another side note: I got my bachelor’s in sociology, which is why i really wanted to answer this question! haha]
If you had the ability to fix or cure one thing in the world, what would it be? A: This one is going to be a two-part answer. If it was medical…I’d like it to be diabetes. If it was some sort of humanitarian effort, I’d cure the world of poverty.
How do you envision your life in 10 years from now? A: IDEALLY, I’d love to be married with kids by then. Also have my masters and PhD done as well. However, I’ve learned that things don’t always go your way. If I don’t find somebody to marry and have kids with in the next 5-7 years…I’ll find another way start a family. I’m not going to sit around and wait for prince charming lol. Having kids is way more important than finding a husband.
Do you believe in finding ‘the one’? A: yes and no. I used to believe it but what if that person dies at a very young age? Are we supposed to remain single just because we thought they were “the one”? No, I don’t think so. I believe we’re meant to be with a certain person; however, I also believe that there could be other people out there that you’re just as compatible with.
What’s the most important thing you value in life? A: my family and friends. They’re so incredibly important to me. I don’t know what I would do without them.
If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? A: I told one of my professors, I want to be like him when I grow up. This was recent, not like ten years ago haha. He’s a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a PhD in Addictive Studies who has his own practice and is also a part time college professor. I would love to have my own practice and be a college professor. Both are my dream jobs, I can’t pick one.
What have you learnt most about finding love through your adventures to date? A: Oh dear. I left this one last on purpose. I’ve learned so much and I know I will continue learning more. I’ll mention what I think is the most important. I’ve learned that it’s not necessary for me to find somebody to be happy. I’m just as content with myself. I can start a family on my own so it’s not the end of the world if I don’t find a husband. I’ve learned that I need to continue focusing on myself. I’ve seen so many people lose themselves in relationships and I don’t ever want that to happen to me. I’ve learned that not everything has be taken so damn seriously. This blog has helped me process my experiences and make me laugh off the shitty times. Bad things happen sometimes and that’s okay. I’ve also learned that I’m pretty damn awesome and I will not settle for just anybody for the sake of being with somebody.

Well there you have it, kiddos. I actually really enjoyed answering those questions!

Now, the time has come for me to pass this award along. I’m going to try my best to nominate people who haven’t gotten it yet (or at least recently)!

Not so Sex in the City (she totally has more than 200 followers but I absolutely LOVE her blog)
The Unfortunate Virgin Male
Boner in the Back
Free my Thoughts
MissMatch
Mystery Date
Successful Online Dating
Life of a Lovergirl
LA Matchbook

Okay, that’s it. Check out those people and the ones that nominated me. You won’t be disappointed.

Here are the questions I’d love to hear your answers for (I’ll try and make them fun/interesting):

Have you done your taxes yet? If not, why?
What is your most embarrassing moment?
Is your toilet paper over or under?
Do you have a favorite super hero?
When is the last time you cried?
When is the last time you had sex?
Who or what inspires you? Why?
What was your last good deed?
If you had the chance to know what day and how you were going to die, would you want to know? Explain.
Do you have any strange phobias?
Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others

I had been putting off writing this because I knew it was going to be such a time consuming task. I’m glad it’s done!

Thanks again for the nominations. Oh and…I’ll probably be posting about a guy I have a date with next week. I need to think of a clever name for him.

all about me Awards Blogging World

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good deeds n’ stuff

by vivaciousdeb

I’m participating in Walk Now for Autism Speaks. I help run a company that help people with developmental disabilities so this cause is very near and dear to my heart. Please click here for information on the walk and about Autism.

I’m on the Board of Directors for my sisters non-profit and I’m on the booster committee for the wrestling team at my high school (one of my closest guy friends is the head coach). What does this mean? Basically, I’ve exhausted most of my [local] options for fundraising. I decided it was time to reach out to my blogging community because you are all so awesome! My goal is to raise $150 but I’d really like to raise A LOT more because it’s such an incredible cause and I’m so happy to be a part of it. However, I’ll be happy with $150! Donations are tax deductible (so save your receipts).

To make a donation, just visit the link I mentioned above. I’d really love if you all could support me on this! Thank you in advance for your support!

In other news, my dating life has been a little non-existent lately. For a couple reasons, I started school last week so that’s going to take up a lot of my time (which I’m actually very thankful for). Also, I had a couple of friends that were visiting me from Brasil. It was wonderful! I forget how much stuff there is to do in LA. Here’s a little bit of a re-cap:

I love LA!

A few of you have nominated me for the Leibster Award for which I am SO ABSOLUTELY grateful. I will be writing a post about that and I will be writing an update post on the current men I’m kinda sorta (not really) talking to.

Oh and I broke it off with Mr. Indifferent. I really reallyyyy wasn’t feeling it. He even admitted to not being talkative and keeping to himself the majority of the time. I couldn’t do it.

life in all its glory

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