thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

the many men in my life

the “many” may be a little bit of an exaggeration…but I said I was going to post an update about what’s going on in my dating life (or lack there of). 

Here they are: 

Mr. Linguist: I have a date with this guy on Monday. Not sure what we’re doing but I know we’re hanging out after class. I was initially into him because his profile listed he speaks 5 languages. I LOVE languages (my goal in life is to learn and master 5, I have 3 so 2 more to go). Anyways, I message him asking him if he really speaks all those languages and he replies with 

“No, I’m Not fluent in all of them. My Spanish is pretty strong. I can speak and write and know some clever terms. Chinese is very elementary. I can read Portuguese and get the overall idea of the conversation , but can’t speak very much. The Italian is poor and only consist of travelers words. Ideally I’d like to be able to converse in Portuguese and Chinese-at least that’s the goal.”

First of all, if you have that much of an explanation for languages you supposedly speak, YOU DO NOT SPEAK THEM. Therefore you should be listing them on your profile. Anyways, aside from that…he’s been a nice guy. Except…he has random bad spelling moments. He’ll use “they’re” correctly but wrote “bot,” yes…bot. Instead of bought. Ugh. He’s into getting to know me which is nice, constantly asking questions and what not. I think he’s cute. But he just disclosed some potential deal breaker information. He’s very religious. It’s usually a deal breaker because I think he may be one of those guys that wants to find somebody to go to church with every Sunday. I asked him if me not being religious is a problem but he hasn’t responded.  We’ll see. I can see our first day going pretty swimmingly. 

Mr. Lazy Ass: I rated him highly on okcupid then he messaged me yesterday saying I was cute. After a couple of messages he said he wanted to chat (outside of okc). So I gave him my number and then he says “text me” and gives me his number. So he wants me to make the initial effort. Fine, whatever. His about me section on his profile has no information about him [all it says is “hello]. I don’t even know why I rated him highly now that I look back at it. It was probably because he had some really cute information about his nieces, I thought it was adorable. Anyways, I’ve noticed he doesn’t like to talk about himself. I get it, somebody don’t talk about themselves. But fucking eh, it’s so frustrating! I asked him to tell me a little bit about himself and he responds with “just ask me whatever you want, i’m an open book!” Uhhh, excuse me sir….I asked you a specific question, how about you answer it?! Also, he called me babe quite a few times. That’s weird. I’m not your babe, my name is Debora. I had to straight up say “don’t you think it’s too soon to be calling me babe?” He said it so many times and it made me feel so freaking uncomfortable each and every time. I had to put an end to it. Today, he asks me for a picture and in return I ask him for his last name because of my mild OCD and every contact in my phone has a first and last name. I’m being serious. Every single person (except my parents and sister) has their first and last name! HE REFUSED! Said it was tmi and that maybe we should get to know each other better first and asked for my picture again. Wtf. After you refuse to give me your last name, you think I’m going to send you a picture? LOL. you’re trippin. I mean, I understand some people are more private than others but this may or may not be a red flag. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’d love to hear what y’all think about this. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him to tell me about himself. HE STILL HASN’T! He keeps wanting to call me so we can talk but it was late last night and I wanted to go to sleep and now he wants to talk again but I’m at work (obviously working really hard since I’m writing this while at the office). All I know is that he’s some fucking warehouse supervisor that works graveyard. I don’t even know if our schedules are going to be compatible. I work and go to school during the day while he sleeps and while I sleep, he works. So far he’s been more of an annoyance than anything. We’ll see what happens. Maybe he’s just awkward with texting. We’ll see how I feel when I talk to him on the phone. 

And lastly, there’s Mr. Sexual. His first message was “Hey, wanna come over my place?” at nearly 10pm the other night. I didn’t because I’m a classy lady (duh). We’ve been talking ever since. We were asking each other a bunch of questions last night and most of his questions had to do with sexual things. They were mostly harmless though so I didn’t mind playing along. He said he originally joined okcupid because it’s been a while since he’s had sex but that if something else [relationship] happens, he’s okay with that too. I don’t know how much I believe it lol. He’s not into sports which I haven’t decided is a deal breaker for me or not. He said that I’m a “typical so cal person” for being a Lakers fan. I don’t know what he’s basing this off of since he doesn’t follow sports lol and last time I checked there are two teams out here and there are plenty of people who hate the Lakers (clearly this is a touchy subject for me) ANDDDD…if you live in a city where there’s a basketball team in, you’re OBVIOUSLY going to hear a lot of people say they like that team, duh! Another wtf moment. Anyways… aside from him wanting to show me up in a sports conversation which he will not win…he’s nice, funny and smart. He’s nice to talk to. I need somebody to be a distraction. He’ll do. 

And if you didn’t see in one of my previous post, I decided to break it off with Mr. Indifferent. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to keep stringing him along while I attempted to convince myself to date this guy. 

That’s it for now, folks! 

11 Comments »

Mr. Indifferent

I’ve been chit chatting with this guy for just about two weeks. It has mostly been filled with really annoying small talk such as “hey, how’s your day going?” “oh, it’s good. and yours?” “it’s going ok.” Blah blah blahhhhh. 

I never realized how much I hate the word okay until I started talking to him. He’s always just okay. I use words such as wonderful, fantastic, glorious, etc. to describe how I’m doing. Now, I understand not everybody is as eccentric as I am but sometimes I just feel like screaming at him JUST LIVEN THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!! 

I can tell that he’s one of those guys that’s just kinda down on life and not for any particular reason. Just kinda blah. I battle my own depression. I do not have the time nor the energy to pull somebody out of their funk

From his pictures, I can already tell I’m not all that attracted to him. I don’t feel any sort of connection while chatting with him. I can go all day not hearing anything from him and I’m totally fine with it. He isn’t very talkative, he barely has a personality, and he keeps to himself. That doesn’t work for me. 

He’s been wanting to take me out but I’ve been super busy. I know I’m supposed to be giving this whole “yes man” thing a go…but I feel like I’m just trying to convince myself to give this guy a shot. I’m pretty sure that’s not what it’s supposed to be like but I could be wrong.

I know I have nothing to lose by going out with this guy but I already know I’m not going to be into him. I feel kinda bad cause I’ve been talking to him this long. Do I just go anyways? But that’s not fair to either of us, right? 

To go or not to go?!?! 

21 Comments »

speed dating in all its glory

Speed dating was very interesting to say the least. I’m so happy I went because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do so now I can cross it off of my bucket list! Yes, speed dating was on my bucket list. Don’t judge me. I don’t think I met anybody that I’m interesting in dating but I met a couple of interesting people. I hope that makes sense. This event was put on through Match.com and I’m a little confused as to how it’s supposed to work after it’s all done. Apparently we’re supposed to get a list of all the members that attended and we message them on there. We can only read and message members if they’ve subscribed to match. How is somebody supposed to read a message if they aren’t a subscribed member? I should’ve asked but once I got there, everything happened so fast! 

So, to change up how I usually write…I decided to take pictures that’ll walk you through my thought process. I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I did taking them. Some of the pictures aren’t attractive and it’s facial expressions like those that probably make me single but hey…it’s who I am and I have a damn good time being me. 

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  1. YAY!!! SPEED DATING!!! 
  2. oh wait, I live in LA. I should’ve left two hours before the start time. It took me 1.5 hours to drive what should have been a 40 minute drive. 
  3. Okay, I’m here! Totally late but I haven’t missed anything just yet. 
  4. WAAAAIIIITTTTTT!! Mr. Awesome. You’re funny, attractive, smart, and all around super awesome. You just walked away from me! Rejection sucks. 
  5. Back from break. Let’s show those pearly whites! 
  6. You said whaaaa?!?!!? An ice breaker question was “what are you most proud of?” The dude answered: NOTHING! How are you proud of nothing? I wouldn’t even say I’ve accomplished all that much in my life but I know I’m a damn good sister, daughter, employee, and student. I’m proud of being alive. 
  7. What time is it?!?!?! It’s just about that time for me to go home. 
  8. We’ve gone full circle folks. The first guy I spoke to is the guy I got along with the most. I stand up….and I realize the dude is literally the shortest guy there. WHAT THE HELL?!?! Not only the shortest guy there but shorter than me 😦 Fuck. He messaged me at 1:49 this morning, eager much?!? Also, picture this: you know how a girl puts hair behind her ear. He did that, constantly! Except…he has short hair. It was very distracting.  

Hope you’ve enjoyed the story! All in all, I don’t think I’ll ever go speed dating again because being rejected to your face multiple times in such a short period of time is pretty disheartening BUT I’m still so glad I went. I’m so incredibly proud of myself for doing something out of my comfort zone and I did it ALL BY MYSELF! yeah! So awesome.  

 

 

21 Comments »

Mr. 007

Back in October, I met a guy…we can call him Mr. 007. We really hit it off, or so I thought. We had a couple of dates, we even made out! It would’ve probably gone further had I allowed it. 

In the midst of our “hanging out” phase, I found him on instagram. Yeah, I know…it’s stalkerish, judge me if you want. I noticed he was hanging out with a particular chick quite often. I tried not to think much of it because I have a lot of guy friends so I can’t be too judgmental. One night he called me around 10:30pm saying I should come over. We all know that’s booty call time. I prefaced my answer by saying I really don’t want you to get offended and explained to him that I wasn’t going to come over because I actually kinda liked him and didn’t want to ruin things by bringing sex into the equation too soon. It was a little more wordy than that but you all get the point. He got super butt hurt and sorta became an asshole. I’m pretty sure he had been drinking. We said our good nights and what not. I never heard from him again. 

Until about last week. Yes, last week. THREE months later. He hits me up out of the blue saying it’s been a long time since we’ve spoken blah blah. I respond hours later because “I was busy.” We end up actually talking on the phone later on that night and made it seem that I was the one that didn’t contact him. UM NO. I told him he got all butt hurt when I didn’t come over late at night and never heard from him. His response actually surprised me, he said “I can see why that left a sour taste in your mouth, I apologize.” 

Wow. He apologized. Cool! I told him it was fine because we had only hung out a couple of times. 

Anyways, I end up checking him out on instagram again. Well, because I needed to see what happened during this three month hiatus. Turns out…him and that broad became a couple. I think they’re broken up though because he had a recent picture with #singlelife. WTF? 

Mr.007 disappeared for a couple of days and said he wasn’t ignoring me and he was just busy. We talked a bit the next day (on saturday) but I haven’t heard from him since. It was a few texts back and forth but he completely ignored my last text. And boom, he’s gone…again.  

WHY MUST YOU CONTACT ME IF YOU DON’T PLAN ON GOING THROUGH WITH IT?! Just fuck off Mr.007. If you text me again, I’m probably going to say…listen if you’re into me then take the fucking time to show it, if not…delete my damn number. 

 

Sorry for my rant. I’m irritated, hungry and all alone in the office today. 

 

12 Comments »

disappearing acts and my two-date curse

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I suppose it’s time for me to give an update on Mr. C&C. I’ve been postponing my update because I’m a little irritated by it. Whatever, it’s time to get it out. We ended up going out on a second “date.” We had coffee and we paid for our own drinks. Is that even considered a date? I guess. It went well though. No awkward silences, conversation flowed, and we laughed at each others jokes. However, I still felt he wasn’t into me.

The date ended in a hug. We texted a bit later on that night and he said he wanted to go out a third time. That was when I started getting a little excited. I thought maybe he actually was into me and I’d finally break my two date curse. We talked for another day or so but the ever-so-dreaded disappearing act happened (other online daters know exactly what I’m talking about). I had stopped messaging him as much as I had been and he stopped messaging me all together.

Why did he mention hanging out a third time if he had no intention of following through? Now I keep thinking about what I did wrong. What could I have done differently? We ran into one of my guy friends and I introduced Mr. C&C as my friend. It was an accident, it totally slipped but when I asked my friend if I should address it he said no. If it was an issue, I guess Mr. C&C wouldn’t have asked me out for a third time. Or maybe it was the fact that I stopped putting in the effort, but if he was legitimately interested, he would put in the effort. Right? I’m not a very flirty person….maybe I could have been more flirtatious.

I’m frustrated and feeling discouraged. I’m having one of those “I’m really tired of being single” moments. It doesn’t happen all the time but that feeling creeps up every so often. Go away icky feeling, you are no longer wanted.

26 Comments »

the results are in!

Remember I said I was going to keep track of the profiles I came across to figure out whether or not I was too picky? Well, I kept track of 100 profiles. It’s a mixture of men that contacted me and profiles I clicked on.

I guess if you look at the numbers, it may seem as though I am picky. But you know what? I don’t care anymore. I am AWESOME and I deserve to be with somebody that’s just as awesome as I am. There are many things that are important to me and I will not lower my standards for the sake of not being single.

Out of the 100 profiles I came across, I was interested in 27. I thought I’d make this legit and make some graphs.

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I tried to keep track of the reasons as to why I was uninterested.

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I don’t understand why some people just don’t put effort into their profiles. Simply saying “if you have any questions, just ask!” Ugh, so annoying. Another top reason is what I classified as “meh.” I know it doesn’t explain much but it means that there was nothing that stuck out to me and I was uninterested in them. Politically, I’m super liberal so being with somebody that’s conservative will not work for me. I’m deathly allergic to cats so being with somebody that has them is out of the question.

I’m not going to bore all of you and explain all of the reasons why I wasn’t interested in the men.

Does this mean I’m too picky? Maybe. Should I feel bad for it? Hell no.

15 Comments »

Mr. Calm and Collected – part 3

First date went well with Mr. CC, I think. I still like him! I think he’s just as attractive as his photos. I thought him being 5’8″ was going to bother me…but it didn’t! Surprise, surprise. This just goes to show that I should really be open minded.

He’s super nice. He’s polite. He’s funny. He continues to be calm and collected. Random: I realized that he remembered my birthday! I told him about a week ago and he remembered! Crazy. I didn’t remember his. Clearly, I’m an asshole. Jk. Or not?

There was a bit of an awkward moment when an overly obnoxious lovey-dovey couple sat next to our table. They barely ate their food and kept making out. I hope I never become like that. It’s gross. Get a room people! Luckily, it didn’t last long. They left relatively soon after sitting down.

The date ended with a hug. I would’ve totally kissed him though. Not a full on make out session (there were way too many people around) but for sure a peck or something.

Anyways, I still can’t tell if he’s into me. I’m assuming if I can’t tell…then he isn’t? Maybe he doesn’t even know. Maybe he’s still trying to get to know me and figure it out? Or maybe he isn’t and I’m making excuses.

What am I supposed to do now? Do I initiate conversation with him if he doesn’t? Or do I just wait? How long should I wait? I don’t know what the “rules” are anymore. Or even if there are any. Questions are still zooming through my head.

Help?

36 Comments »

Mr. Calm and Collected – Part 2

The time has come for me to meet Mr. Calm and Collected. It’s been exactly one month and a day since we started talking. I’ve never been so nervous meeting somebody. I really like him.

Butterflies are a little out of control. I kind of feel like an asshole because I may or may not have forced him to meet me. Maybe not forced but I definitely made it very clear I wanted to meet him this week. He knows how much I love disney, so we’re going to downtown disney.

So, it’s happening. So many questions are going through my head…what if he doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like him? What if he doesn’t find me attractive? What if there’s no chemistry? GAH!

This is how I feel right now (this isn’t me btw):

Nervous

 

I’m off to get ready. Let’s hope for an awesome date!

9 Comments »

dating myself

I’m generally not a fan of making New Years resolutions but I will be making a couple this year. One of which is: I promise to date myself.

This topic is something I’ve talked a lot about with a couple of friends of mine.

One question I always get asked by guys is “So what do you like to do for fun?” And I surprisingly never really know how to answer it! What do I like doing for fun? I mean, I know I love watching movies. What else? Ummm…I love going to concerts but I don’t go very often because it gets expensive. I also like going to sporting events but don’t go to those as often as I’d like for the same reason as concerts. 

I have an incredible group of friends that I hang out with almost every weekend. What do we do? Generally just hang out doing whatever comes up that weekend. Or I’ll go to some sort of family event or hang out with my parents. One thing I know for sure is: I have a good time no matter what I do.

I think it’s time I start doing things to get a better sense of myself. I’d love to be able to answer such a simple question with ease. Dating myself will also help me get in touch with what I really want in a significant other. I need to get a sense of what exactly makes me happy. It’s time for me to feel comfortable enough doing things on my own before I can expect to share some of those experiences with somebody else.

I think it’s really important to continue dating yourself regardless of your relationship status. So many people lose a sense of who they are because they become so overly involved with their significant other and then BAM all of a sudden you realize how unhappy you are and how you’ve somehow lost a part of who you are.

My younger sister has started a year long challenge: every week she’s going to try something different. I think it’s a brilliant idea! I’m not going to completely copy her but I am going to follow her footsteps and say I really want to step out of my comfort zone more often! I want to do more with my life. Stay tuned for updates on how awesome it is dating myself.

5 Comments »

do I dare?

I’ve been speaking to this pretty awesome guy for about 3 weeks. I’m going to nickname him Mr. Calm and Collected. He’s very poised, calm, proper, and all around fantastic! He has a good job, he’s good looking, family oriented, and other great stuff!

We’ve exchanged a lot of messages and even though we haven’t met yet, I have a major crush on him. Every time I get a message from him I feel like a little school girl because I get all giddy (ridiculous, I know).  We’ve briefly talked about us hanging out in the future but no plans have been made. I did tell him initially that I like taking my time getting to know a person so is he respecting that? I’m sure he is. How long is too long?

I’m beginning to get very anxious! I want to meet him already.

Which brings me to the point of my post…do I ask him out if he doesn’t do it? How long should I wait? I mean, he’s got to be interested if he’s invested so much time in getting to know me, right???

On one side, I’m very traditional in the sense that I feel a guy should be the one to initiate the asking out (I know I may get some uproar about this) but on the flip side I’m a feminist and I believe there shouldn’t be an expectation of one person like that.

I’d love to hear what you all think!

18 Comments »

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