thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

disappearing acts and my two-date curse

on January 30, 2013

Image

I suppose it’s time for me to give an update on Mr. C&C. I’ve been postponing my update because I’m a little irritated by it. Whatever, it’s time to get it out. We ended up going out on a second “date.” We had coffee and we paid for our own drinks. Is that even considered a date? I guess. It went well though. No awkward silences, conversation flowed, and we laughed at each others jokes. However, I still felt he wasn’t into me.

The date ended in a hug. We texted a bit later on that night and he said he wanted to go out a third time. That was when I started getting a little excited. I thought maybe he actually was into me and I’d finally break my two date curse. We talked for another day or so but the ever-so-dreaded disappearing act happened (other online daters know exactly what I’m talking about). I had stopped messaging him as much as I had been and he stopped messaging me all together.

Why did he mention hanging out a third time if he had no intention of following through? Now I keep thinking about what I did wrong. What could I have done differently? We ran into one of my guy friends and I introduced Mr. C&C as my friend. It was an accident, it totally slipped but when I asked my friend if I should address it he said no. If it was an issue, I guess Mr. C&C wouldn’t have asked me out for a third time. Or maybe it was the fact that I stopped putting in the effort, but if he was legitimately interested, he would put in the effort. Right? I’m not a very flirty person….maybe I could have been more flirtatious.

I’m frustrated and feeling discouraged. I’m having one of those “I’m really tired of being single” moments. It doesn’t happen all the time but that feeling creeps up every so often. Go away icky feeling, you are no longer wanted.

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26 responses to “disappearing acts and my two-date curse

  1. misswhiplash says:

    It ain’t your fault, it is nothing you did, it is nothing you said or did not say…if people are not compatible ..that is all there is too it. Surely you would not want to spend the rest of your life with the wrong person. It is so easy to message or even talk on the phone and get along well but face to face is different…
    My daughter, spent near enough a whole week talking on the phone…day and night…night and day. She thought that she was in love and that this was it. He looked great, even I say that..he was nice and smiley with lovely eyes.
    They met once…it was great….they met twice….sort of ok. The third time he stayed overnight..no hanky=-panky (I believe her) but come morning..she changed her mind. He was not the one. The old one that she dumped two weeks ago is now flavour of the week!
    Will it last? Who can tell? but you cannot get to know someone through messageing or phone calls..it has to be face to face. That is when you know if it is the right decision.

    So now what happens? You keep on looking….one day it will happen when you least expect it.

  2. I’ve had similar experiences. Keep looking, though, you will find your man πŸ˜‰

  3. impossibletodate says:

    Deb that sucks the big one but believe me it is not you! IT IS NOT YOU!
    This has obviously happened to me also, along with a million other women and numerous times at that. The worst thing you can do is think that you have done or said something wrong.
    A very blunt friend of mine said to me once “what else do you expect from online dating, they get bored with one and move onto the next”. As horrible as it sounds in some circumstances this is the case and really, if the guy is one of those online daters then you don’t want to get mixed up with him, he is a time waster. Hold your single head high and move on to the next one, who might be the one that breaks the curse. I have faith in you GF!! x

  4. Lee Geary says:

    You will find a guy who’ll want to go on forever amount of dates with you.

  5. Dawn says:

    You really just never know what is going on in someone head…I’m seem to be a serial 1st date, I rarely get a 2nd. It’s usually “hey you seem pretty fun and down to earth…but” “I’m looking for that excited feeling and I wasn’t getting it from you.” or just they just plain disappear. Honestly the only reason I get any answer at all like the above is because I ask “um, what’s up??”
    Don’t lose heart…this is a strengthening exercise. I believe that one day you will be swept off your feet…until then, each “date” is a learning opportunity.

    Be confident in the privilege of being able to live happily on your own. The right man will come along when you least expect it. That’s what I keep telling myself…and have a sense of humor. Sometimes this is just plain funny.

    • dsantos85 says:

      I like what you said about this being a strengthening exercise, I’m going to remind myself of that all the time!

      I need to be patient.

      I have taken more of a humorous approach to online dating…which is why i started this blog. Trying to have fun with it πŸ˜€

      • Dawn says:

        Yes…have fun. Each rejection makes you a little stronger. Trust me, I know this one too well…After a while, you don’t even feel the rejection. I wish I understood men better myself, I’m still in the learning phase. Wish I had done it in my 20’s…lol.

        At least you have company! Me!!!

  6. Debby says:

    Don’t take it personal, it happens all the time, and to my experience especially with online-daters. I totally agree with Dawn, it’s better to be happy alone, than miserable with two… and opportunity can wait for you around the next corner.

    (totally irrelevant, but we share the same name! – can’t believe I didn’t notice that before)

  7. It.is.not.your.fault.

    Clearly this guy just wasn’t as awesome as you hoped. It sucks, it hurts, but time to move along. You will find a wonderful man in time. I know that it sucks to hear that, but it’s really better to move along as a happy single than a miserable couple.

    We’ve all been there- they just stop responding. I hate when people do this. Trust me- when you find a good guy, he’ll get back to you. I’ve learned that guys are too scared to tell a girl “hey I’m not interested”, so they passive agressively say something like “yea, we can hang out again…..” and then disappear. Those boys are lame. You will find a REAL man if you stay patient. Promise!

    And if you need help with online dating, talk to http://www.friendflirt.wordpress.com or http://www.eflirtexpert.com Both have TONS of knowledge with online dating practices πŸ™‚

    • dsantos85 says:

      yes, most definitely time to move on. Just wish I had somebody to move on with! But, it’ll take time…I’m aware of that. I need to be patient. *sigh* lol

  8. Ashley Delgado says:

    I personally think you should have addressed the ‘friend’ introduction. It shows you care and that you really don’t see him as just a friend. My assumption is he probably thought you weren’t interested. As an online dater I assume a lot are on because they’re looking for a significant other and are not interested in making more ‘friends’. I say call him and leave a brief message indicating you we’re calling to say hello. If he doesn’t call back at least you made the attempt.

  9. New Single Guy says:

    I really hate the disappearing act. It happens to me all the time. All. The. Time.

  10. Do you think it’s possible he found out about your blog? : /

  11. Blu says:

    OMGosh, he could’ve been a serial dater. Some people are only interested until the next exciting thing comes along. Now, that’s not to say you’re not exciting but if he dates for the thrill of a new experience, that’s what he will chase. Truth is, there are so many options out here when you’re not really concerned with quality. A lot of people are focused on the options so, they can’t see the gem right in front of them. Don’t take it personal, it’s not you, it has happened to all of us.

    Quick tip: On your second date you had coffee and you paid for your own drink? That’s a sign that he’s not interested or he’s still sizing you up. Dates are all about good impressions. If a guy is interested he’s going to be vested in you especially in the beginning. He didn’t care what you thought of him, that’s why he didn’t put forth any effort.

    Stay positive!

    • dsantos85 says:

      i totally agree with your quick tip! that’s actually when i started feeling discouraged….but when he mentioned hanging out a third time, i started to think a little differently. ya know?

      oh well…it is what it is. there’s nothing i can do. gotta keep on truckin.

  12. Not sure how long it has been since the ‘let’s go out on a 3rd date’ and the feeling of disappearance, but I tell you that once, I had that happen to me. Except it wasn’t. I was doing quite alright with this one guy, and we were texting almost daily up to our third or fourth date, can’t remember. Then, one day he didn’t write, and I didn’t even notice. Second day, didn’t write again, third day, and so on. On the fifth day, I realized.
    Then I decided to send a message after a week of him disappearing. Just a ‘hi stranger, you disappeared’. He then messaged me ‘disappeared when?’ and proceeded to invite me to go out with him next Saturday.
    Turns out he was on the final week of his master thesis and forgot about me. Seriously forgot about me. It’s just the way he is – there’s no multitasking with him. Then, when he realized (with my message), he just picked up from where we stopped.
    So, who knows? Maybe C&C is doing something that’s taking up his time. Maybe not, but you’re obviously not the problem. Or he wouldn’t have suggested the third date. Maybe he’s chickened out, you know, if you never try, you never fail.
    Sorry, I realize I’m rambling here. I’m loving your blog!

    • dsantos85 says:

      for some reason your comment was in my spam! so weird. Your situation is too funny! He just up and forgot? LOL. But working on a master’s thesis is totally understandable.

      He disappeared about two days after the 3rd date comment. I ended up taking my friends advice and sending him a quick text. It had been about a week since he disappeared and NO response! So i’m guessing he just lost interest lol Oh well.

      thanks for following along πŸ˜€

  13. lovemytivo says:

    Hang in there girl and don’t forget to date yourself! I loved that idea πŸ™‚

  14. Joannee says:

    The two date curse sounds familiar. I’ve been there. But you know what, count it as a blessing in disguise. There were some second dates that resulted in a third and fourth date, but the guy turned out to be a major weirdo (which wasn’t evident until I saw him again). What a waste of time. Maybe this guy could have been a total freak too, and the universe is sparing you.

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