thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

the many men in my life

the “many” may be a little bit of an exaggeration…but I said I was going to post an update about what’s going on in my dating life (or lack there of). 

Here they are: 

Mr. Linguist: I have a date with this guy on Monday. Not sure what we’re doing but I know we’re hanging out after class. I was initially into him because his profile listed he speaks 5 languages. I LOVE languages (my goal in life is to learn and master 5, I have 3 so 2 more to go). Anyways, I message him asking him if he really speaks all those languages and he replies with 

“No, I’m Not fluent in all of them. My Spanish is pretty strong. I can speak and write and know some clever terms. Chinese is very elementary. I can read Portuguese and get the overall idea of the conversation , but can’t speak very much. The Italian is poor and only consist of travelers words. Ideally I’d like to be able to converse in Portuguese and Chinese-at least that’s the goal.”

First of all, if you have that much of an explanation for languages you supposedly speak, YOU DO NOT SPEAK THEM. Therefore you should be listing them on your profile. Anyways, aside from that…he’s been a nice guy. Except…he has random bad spelling moments. He’ll use “they’re” correctly but wrote “bot,” yes…bot. Instead of bought. Ugh. He’s into getting to know me which is nice, constantly asking questions and what not. I think he’s cute. But he just disclosed some potential deal breaker information. He’s very religious. It’s usually a deal breaker because I think he may be one of those guys that wants to find somebody to go to church with every Sunday. I asked him if me not being religious is a problem but he hasn’t responded.  We’ll see. I can see our first day going pretty swimmingly. 

Mr. Lazy Ass: I rated him highly on okcupid then he messaged me yesterday saying I was cute. After a couple of messages he said he wanted to chat (outside of okc). So I gave him my number and then he says “text me” and gives me his number. So he wants me to make the initial effort. Fine, whatever. His about me section on his profile has no information about him [all it says is “hello]. I don’t even know why I rated him highly now that I look back at it. It was probably because he had some really cute information about his nieces, I thought it was adorable. Anyways, I’ve noticed he doesn’t like to talk about himself. I get it, somebody don’t talk about themselves. But fucking eh, it’s so frustrating! I asked him to tell me a little bit about himself and he responds with “just ask me whatever you want, i’m an open book!” Uhhh, excuse me sir….I asked you a specific question, how about you answer it?! Also, he called me babe quite a few times. That’s weird. I’m not your babe, my name is Debora. I had to straight up say “don’t you think it’s too soon to be calling me babe?” He said it so many times and it made me feel so freaking uncomfortable each and every time. I had to put an end to it. Today, he asks me for a picture and in return I ask him for his last name because of my mild OCD and every contact in my phone has a first and last name. I’m being serious. Every single person (except my parents and sister) has their first and last name! HE REFUSED! Said it was tmi and that maybe we should get to know each other better first and asked for my picture again. Wtf. After you refuse to give me your last name, you think I’m going to send you a picture? LOL. you’re trippin. I mean, I understand some people are more private than others but this may or may not be a red flag. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’d love to hear what y’all think about this. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him to tell me about himself. HE STILL HASN’T! He keeps wanting to call me so we can talk but it was late last night and I wanted to go to sleep and now he wants to talk again but I’m at work (obviously working really hard since I’m writing this while at the office). All I know is that he’s some fucking warehouse supervisor that works graveyard. I don’t even know if our schedules are going to be compatible. I work and go to school during the day while he sleeps and while I sleep, he works. So far he’s been more of an annoyance than anything. We’ll see what happens. Maybe he’s just awkward with texting. We’ll see how I feel when I talk to him on the phone. 

And lastly, there’s Mr. Sexual. His first message was “Hey, wanna come over my place?” at nearly 10pm the other night. I didn’t because I’m a classy lady (duh). We’ve been talking ever since. We were asking each other a bunch of questions last night and most of his questions had to do with sexual things. They were mostly harmless though so I didn’t mind playing along. He said he originally joined okcupid because it’s been a while since he’s had sex but that if something else [relationship] happens, he’s okay with that too. I don’t know how much I believe it lol. He’s not into sports which I haven’t decided is a deal breaker for me or not. He said that I’m a “typical so cal person” for being a Lakers fan. I don’t know what he’s basing this off of since he doesn’t follow sports lol and last time I checked there are two teams out here and there are plenty of people who hate the Lakers (clearly this is a touchy subject for me) ANDDDD…if you live in a city where there’s a basketball team in, you’re OBVIOUSLY going to hear a lot of people say they like that team, duh! Another wtf moment. Anyways… aside from him wanting to show me up in a sports conversation which he will not win…he’s nice, funny and smart. He’s nice to talk to. I need somebody to be a distraction. He’ll do. 

And if you didn’t see in one of my previous post, I decided to break it off with Mr. Indifferent. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to keep stringing him along while I attempted to convince myself to date this guy. 

That’s it for now, folks! 

11 Comments »

haters gon’ hate

So I got what I’d like to call my first “haters comment” on my last post. This person basically dissected my entire post in bullet point format essentially saying I am drama, irrational and I deserve to be treated the way that I was. Obviously not in those exact words lol but that’s what I got from the comment. I didn’t approve the comment because I will not allow somebody to write that nonsense on my blog. Most of the people that read my blog do not know me well enough to make an assessment about me like he/she did (I’m totally assuming it was a guy though). 

The entire comment was 884 words, yes…I had to copy and paste it into Word because I just had to know. That’s OVER one page, typed! First, this person cares way too much about what I’ve had to say and secondly…who the hell has THAT much time on their hands? 

Image

Saw this somewhere on Facebook late last night. I can’t remember where though. This had me legitimately laughing out loud.

Anyway…I knew some sort of hater was going to cross my path at some point. I mean, I am putting myself out for the public to read about. Does this make me an official blogger now? Maybe! I’m sure it’ll happen again. In which case, I’ll brush it under the rug again because to be quite honest…I don’t really give a shit! 

Here’s a little snippet of what he/she said: 

“I won’t call you an “asshole”, but I will say that you would do well to take responsibility for yourself rather than demanding that others give you special treatment….You may not be “crazy”, but you certainly aren’t rational, at least as far as this “male friend” of yours is concerned.” 

I didn’t even go into detail about what my male friend and I had a falling out over…so that’s just ridiculous lol. Also, I’m pretty sure I didn’t ask for special treatment. 

I think some people just like to be not only critical of others but also put them down.

Image

I love writing about my dating adventures because it puts things into perspective for me. There are so many awesome people that comment and give me their advice…I love it because it’s so helpful to hear somebody else’s perspective on whatever is going on in my life. To those people: thank you! 

To anybody who feels the need to berate others, fuck off. I don’t need your negativity.  

 

13 Comments »

I’m not crazy, dammit!

Men and women are stereotyped on specific things. Women are made out to be overly emotional, irrational, dramatic, illogical and weak. Yes, some women actually are those things sometimes but it is so frustrating when you get into a disagreement with a man and those characteristics are automatically thrown in your face and your feelings aren’t regarded to as legitimate.  

“Are you on your period or something?” That question should be erased from the male mind. Sometimes my hormones do get a little out of whack but I’m able to control how I react to something. 

Just because we bring up a concern does not necessarily mean we’re being emotional and illogical. Men, have you thought that maybe…just MAYBE we may be right and you’re just being a dick? Yes, I understand that some women are pretty nuts but for us women who are logical, it’s an unfair assessment of who we are as a person. And yes, I understand that not all guys are insensitive to a woman’s feelings. 

I had a falling out with a close guy friend of mine not too long ago. He really hurt my feelings by saying some things to me. I tried talking to him about it like an adult but he shut me down, called me silly for the way I reacted, belittled me, ignored what I had to say and much more. In his mind, I was being a “woman” and just overreacting. As a human being, I am entitled to feel what I want to feel. You don’t have to necessarily agree with what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling them BUT you should at the very least attempt to understand why I’m upset and not completely ignore the situation. 

Mr. 007 texted me just a few minutes after my post went up about him (crazy timing, right?). He sent me a half assed text saying sorry he never got back to me and asked how I was doing. Since I told myself I would speak up for myself if he actually got back to me, I had to come up with some sort of response to him. Later on, one of my best friends and I drafted up my response. It was a little bit of an ordeal because I didn’t want to come off as emotional and needy. It’s so sad that I have to be so careful like that. All because I’m a woman and don’t want those negative stereotypes thrown in my face. After about half an hour, she and I came up with: 

“I understand you’re a busy guy and all but you left me hanging mid-conversation. If you’re interested in me, all I ask is that you show you’re interested in me. If you aren’t (which is totally fine), then let me know now.” 

Short, sweet and to the point. No emotional remarks and nothing needy (at least I don’t think it sounds that way lol). Anyways, what was his response? 

“Sorry, I don’t want this drama.” 

First of all, I’m not being dramatic. It’s called being an adult and having an adult conversation. If he was into me, he wouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t asking for much. I was asking for him to put a little bit more effort in. 

He wanted an out. Which is understandable but saying I was being drama is completely uncalled for. It was a well thought out message. 

We just can’t win…. 

I hope that someday we’re able to shake off those stereotypes and be listened to. I know that’s a long shot because there are actually some crazies out there (men and women). We’re not always emotional, dramatic, illogical or weak. I actually have a good head on my shoulders, I’m relatively logical and I’m not always emotional. You sir, might just be an asshole and you don’t want to take responsibility for your actions. 

24 Comments »

yes man

As some of you may or may not know, I’ve been a little bit in a funk lately. Can’t exactly pin point what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling it but I guess I’d explain it as feeling “blah.” (Yes, I realize that isn’t very descriptive). 

I went out to dinner with one of my good friends the other night and for some reason she brought up the movie Yes Man. I can’t remember why it was brought up but the point that was made is that I should develop a “yes man” mentality. 

For those of you that haven’t seen the movie….it stars Jim Carey. It’s about how Jim’s character vows to say yes to everything that comes his way for a year because his life was stuck in a rut and he wanted to get out. Interesting movie, I liked it. 

I’m going to do it. Or at least try to. I have already mentioned before that I want to start doing more “stuff.” I need to get out there, I need to feel comfortable doing things on my own. I need to figure out what I actually like to do and know how to answer the question: “so what do you like to do for fun?”

As long as it doesn’t get in the way of my work (and school), potentially harm me or put my health in danger, and lastly if I can afford it…then it’s all fair game! 

To start it off…I signed up for a couple of match.com stir events. Speed dating and game night. I usually wouldn’t go unless I had somebody to go with but I really want to go so I’m not going to sit and hopefully wait for a friend to confirm. Going alone is definitely out of my comfort zone. But I’m okay with that. 

This is going to be interesting. 

16 Comments »

disappearing acts and my two-date curse

Image

I suppose it’s time for me to give an update on Mr. C&C. I’ve been postponing my update because I’m a little irritated by it. Whatever, it’s time to get it out. We ended up going out on a second “date.” We had coffee and we paid for our own drinks. Is that even considered a date? I guess. It went well though. No awkward silences, conversation flowed, and we laughed at each others jokes. However, I still felt he wasn’t into me.

The date ended in a hug. We texted a bit later on that night and he said he wanted to go out a third time. That was when I started getting a little excited. I thought maybe he actually was into me and I’d finally break my two date curse. We talked for another day or so but the ever-so-dreaded disappearing act happened (other online daters know exactly what I’m talking about). I had stopped messaging him as much as I had been and he stopped messaging me all together.

Why did he mention hanging out a third time if he had no intention of following through? Now I keep thinking about what I did wrong. What could I have done differently? We ran into one of my guy friends and I introduced Mr. C&C as my friend. It was an accident, it totally slipped but when I asked my friend if I should address it he said no. If it was an issue, I guess Mr. C&C wouldn’t have asked me out for a third time. Or maybe it was the fact that I stopped putting in the effort, but if he was legitimately interested, he would put in the effort. Right? I’m not a very flirty person….maybe I could have been more flirtatious.

I’m frustrated and feeling discouraged. I’m having one of those “I’m really tired of being single” moments. It doesn’t happen all the time but that feeling creeps up every so often. Go away icky feeling, you are no longer wanted.

26 Comments »

The Last Single Friend

A Girl's Misadventures in the Game of Love

Mattitude. "Matt's Entertainment"

Just stuff I see, experience and share

The Dating Diaries

TOO MANY WOMEN THROW THEMSELVES INTO ROMANCE BECAUSE THEY’RE AFRAID OF BEING SINGLE, THEN START MAKING COMPROMISES AND LOSING THEIR IDENTITY. WE REFUSE DO THAT

No ((Body Shame)) Campaign

"The secret of how to live without resentment or embarrassment in a world in which I was different from everyone else was to be indifferent to that difference." -Al Capp

Mind's Seat

Set your mind on the things above

Single Chicks Blog

About a Decade of Dating Advice Headed Your Way

Interracial Dating Sites Reviews

Interracial Dating Sites Reviews, Interracial Match Reviews

juliansherman.net/

Building A Business While Having A Life

Book Hub, Inc.

The Total Book Experience

The Happsters

Spread Positive Vibes. Give Love. Be Happy.

On the Train to Hogwarts

I Finally Got my Letter

HeartSphere

Conversations with the Heartmind

The Bitch Desk

Like the Help Desk only bitchier

John P. Gavin - Author @ JoLo Press Int'l.

I wrote the book Romeo's Dilemma - I also used to be a weekly columnist for a San Francisco Bay Area newspaper - the essays you see below are from that column - mostly...

Ellie More Or Less

Just another blog about weight loss

the fishbowl

ramblings of a nerdy art fag

mishisms

live, learn, laugh. repeat.

Countdown to 60

Aging on my terms - Daily musings in 500 words or less

The Great Sexcapade

Men, sex, relationships, and online dating

My Clutter Box

A Peek Inside One Girl's Head

theadventuresoftransman

Just another middle-aged guy raising a family ... except I gave birth to mine

Another Single Woman's Blog

Tales and thoughts of Dating with the challenge of kids and work.

Unconfirmed Bachelorette

Proudly living alone with cats

Top 10 of Anything and Everything!!!

Animals, Gift Ideas, Travel, Books, Recycling Ideas and Many, Many More

Black Book Confessions

Dating, sex and the single life

thelovemanifesto

Real. Life. Experienced.

Can I Get Ur Number?

Answering the question "Why Am I Single?" one post at a time...

Not Guilty By Reason Of Menopause

I'm Still Hot, It Just Comes in Flashes!

Goodwill Hoarding

We're not hoarding, we're collecting!

Fear Not. Come What May.

This blog is about embracing the fortunes and misfortunes that occur in the time we are dealt. I hope you enjoy the quirks, insights, and even some word vomit from this life I am blessed to be living.

Dating Is Hard

Stumbling Through The Adventures And Misadventures Of Dating With God's Grace

Twenty-Something; Young, & Drunk

A Drunk Girls Guide to Online Dating

Dating with Kate

The ups and downs of the dating world

Successful Online Dating

A fine WordPress.com site

How often do you masterdate?

... for those still reluctantly hopeful they'll find their "one."

missmatch42

A fine WordPress.com site

Everybody Wants Some

Working out my Van Halen on a (semi) daily basis.

herfinemess.org/

Her Fine Mess

redhead421's Blog

Midwest single girl discusses dating, food, working out, and more food.

deconstructeddatingproject

Two friends. Three months. Twelves dates. Ready, go.

Free My Thoughts

A 23 Year Girl Trying To Get Through Life's 'Challenges'...

countingducks

reflections on a passing life

imstilllsingle.wordpress.com/

Time for my own damn dating site!

The Dating Diaries

because single life can be an interesting time

beautifuldarkmystery

my stories, my opinions, my advice, my life.