thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

damaged goods

I’m damaged. I can’t hang with online dating anymore. I’m fragile. I wish I wasn’t but it’s true.

I felt I really hit it off with a guy, we were sending these long and thoughtful messages to each other. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. I was excited about meeting him. We went on a coffee date and I haven’t heard from him since. It sucks. I felt that it was a pretty good date but not enough for him to want to continue talking to me?

I just don’t think I can do it anymore. I get really excited about meeting somebody and then they aren’t interested in me. What am I doing wrong? Readers, I know you’re going to tell me I’m not doing anything wrong. Blah blah. Clearly something is wrong and the most common denominator is me. All this does is make me sad.

I disabled my OkCupid account. Whomp.

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it’s officially official

Last week when I signed up for OkC, I deactivated my profile after a couple hours. A few days after, I processed some stuff with my therapist, I decided that moving forward with online dating would be a good thing.

I gave Bumble and Coffee meets Bagel a shot. I even synced them with my facebook. I gave in. I hated both of them. Although, I will say…Bumble has a whole lot of attractive men. Too attractive LOL. I’m not confident enough for Bumble. Coffee meets Bagel has this whole thing where have you earn “beans” and certain things cost “beans.” It’s all a sham to get you to pay them even though they say they’re a “free” site. Dumb.

Then, I reactivated OkC. Again. I’m officially back on and using it regularly since starting up again a couple days ago. Have a consistent convo with a couple different guys. I guess we’ll see how it goes. I’ll keep you updated!

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online dating? again?

It has been about a week or so that I started considering going back to online dating. I’m in a much better place emotionally and let’s face it…I’m considered more attractive now with the weight loss (it’s terrible, I know). Yes, people say that it’s not just the outside that counts…but we live in a society where the outside does in fact matter and if you aren’t remotely attractive then you don’t catch somebody’s interest.

So, today. I took the plunge. I’ve heard of bumble, I had never tried it. I downloaded it, but I don’t like that it requires me to link my facebook to my account. I decided against it. I tried coffee meets bagel and it’s the same thing! WTF! Why do they do that?? I mean, I have facebook but I don’t know how I feel about syncing my profiles together. Then, I went back to OkCupid. I always enjoyed being on OkC. My profile was never deleted, just disabled. I signed back in, changed a few photos, made minor adjustments to my profile – and I was ready to go. Then, BAM! OkC is basically like the new tinder. Where you swipe left or right to decide whether or not you like them. I hated tinder and now OkC is just as awful.

I absolutely will not try Eharmony or Match again. Not too sure what else to do at this point. Has anybody tried bumble or coffee meets bagel? I’m not a fan of the idea of syncing it to my facebook.

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Awkward questions (part 2) 

So, one of the biggest adjustments I’ve had to go through since having my surgery are the invasive questions. 

I’m at the point where there has been a drastic change physically. 50 lbs is a lot of weight. Naturally people will comment things like “wow! You look great! You’ve lost so much weight!!” I don’t have a problem with that. It feels GREAT getting compliments. I always say thank you and yes, I have lost weight. 9 out of 10 times the follow up question is: how did you do it?? 

Initially I always answered that I had weight loss surgery not realizing the barrage of questions that would follow. For example: how much weight have you lost? Where was your weight before starting? What’s your goal weight? Why did you decide to do it? Why didn’t you just eat right and exercise? 

Don’t get me wrong, I actually have no problem answering those questions when it comes to my own friends and family. Where I do have a problem is that these are random people I come into contact with at work. Nobody I have a real friendship with. Nobody that deserves to know all that information. 

My therapist and I have come up with an answer when they’ve asked how I’ve lost the weight: I’ve been watching what I eat. It’s enough to justify the weight loss. Enough to satisfy their curiosity without compromising my privacy.

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awkward questions…

I went to a social gathering this past weekend with a lot of high school friends I hadn’t seen in a while. I generally have no problem with small talk. I just can’t stand questions about me being single. There’s always that one questions “So are you seeing anybody?” And when I say no, obviously it opens up all sorts of follow up questions/comments:

  • Oh, it’s okay! You’ll find somebody
  • Being single is better anyways, you can do whatever you want
  • So you aren’t looking for anything right now?
  • So there isn’t anybody you’re interested in??

And much, much more.

Yes, of course I’m looking. I guess nobody is interested in me. People need to stop. Not one thing is “better” than the other.

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milestones

So, I made a decision that I was not going to buy a scale for myself at home because I know I’ll become obsessed with weighing myself. I didn’t want to do that to myself. I figured I’m going to be seeing a doctor regularly, so I’ll go based off of those numbers.

Today was one of those days. I had a doctors appointment today and I am so excited to say that I’ve officially lost 50 lbs! I mean, WHAT? I can barely wrap my heard around it. It’s a pretty drastic change, clothes aren’t fitting anymore. There are things that I didn’t even picture happening, my rings no longer fitting right, my glasses not fitting cause my gigantic cheeks don’t fit them and even my shoes fit a little better. These are all great problems to have, I can totally see that.

50 lbs, y’all. I can’t believe it.

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post-bariatric surgery life

The surgery happened and sometimes I can not believe that I went through with it. Even though I was totally prepared mentally, physically and emotionally to have the surgery…there was a part of me that felt that I might be change my mind last minute.

It happened. It has been a little over three weeks and I am SOOOOO happy I did. It has already changed my life in so many positive ways. There has been a huge adjustment, obviously. Food intake is clearly the first one. But there’s also the emotional side of it too. I got fat for multiple reasons but one major one is because I used food as a coping mechanism. Angry? Eat. Sad? Eat. Frustrated? Eat. Happy? Eat. I also quit smoking about a year and a half ago, so I don’t have that to cope either. I’m learning. It’s a work in progress.

As discussed in my previous post. This has been a long time coming. I had to take an extensive prep course before being approved for the surgery. Since starting the prep course and now having the surgery, I have lost a total of 43 pounds. That number blows my mind.  I have a loooooong way to go but at least I am on the right path. I haven’t been back to work since having my surgery. I go back on Monday. I’m excited and nervous but mostly excited! Then I feel like this new chapter of my life will really start.

That’s it for now. Stay tuned.

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Cliches

So, I know the biggest cliche is for people to say “New Year, New Me.” I always try to steer clear from those types of cliche’s but….I feel that this year, that saying is particularly accurate.

There have been quite a few things that have happened but I can most definitely this year has started with a bang! No, I’m not seeing anybody. Still single. That’s likely not going to be changing anytime soon. I’ve come to that conclusion.

But other exciting things are happening! I am having bariatric surgery. Specifically the gastric sleeve. Don’t know what that is? Click here, to learn more. My weight has gotten out of control, I’ve done diets, I’ve taken weight loss pills, I feel this is my last resort. My insurance has a pretty extensive prep course for it. We meet weekly for three months, 1.5 hour classes. We have to get approved by the dietician (having lost weight during the three month class), the chief of bariatric surgery and finally the surgeon who will be doing the surgery. So, anyways, I’ve finished the process and I’ve been officially approved for the surgery! It’s a very exciting time for me. Most of my friends have been pretty supportive. My parents are being supportive in their own way but I’m appreciative.

That’s it for now. Looking forward to this year and what it has to offer. Going into it, open minded and with an open heart.

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frustration

It’s been approximately one month since I’ve signed up with Eharmony and nothing has come of it. Yeah, a few messages here and there but…NOTHING. I’m even attempting to initiate conversation. That hasn’t been successful either. I’m really trying to stay positive but I’m having more and more difficulty.

There was a millisecond where I got really excited about a guy on OkCupid. Seemed like our conversation was going really well. We event tentatively set a date for next week. THEN….he wanted to exchange instagram accounts. I’ve written a post about social media before. I’m not a fan of sharing these things early on when talking to somebody. My social media pages, especially IG show my personality and what my life is all about. Anyways, what felt like immediately the conversation slowed and I haven’t really heard from him all day. What does that mean? Does that mean he didn’t like what he saw?  I’m so tired of all this. Could he eventually message me and say “oh crap. i’ve had such a long day. sorry i didn’t reach out.” yeah. Maybe. but let’s be real…it’s probably not going to happen.

 

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new beginnings

So many things have been happening. Nothing in the relationship department but everything else could not be better!

I’m transferring to a new location for work (in Los Angeles). I’m finally going to have a “regular job.” At my current job, I work nights and weekends. It makes it pretty difficult to have a social life. I’m going to have a glorious schedule: Monday-Friday 8am-5pm. I can’t wait! I start on Monday. Not only am I starting a new job, but I finally moved out of my parents and into a new place!! I’m living 2.7 miles away. In LA, that’s amazing! No long commute, another time saver.

My co-worker (Ms. Pearly Whites) moved into together. It’s the best decision we’ve made. She’s the best roommate. Also, if you’re wondering…Ms. Pearly Whites is now in a relationship! Remember that guy she hit it off with, well….clearly it went in the right direction. She’s in a relationship with him now. I’m so happy for her!

Lastly, as a last ditch effort, I signed up for Eharmony. This is pretty much the last website left for me to try. I signed up for a six month plan. I’m going to give it my all, and if nothing comes of it, I’m going to quit the online dating scene. I’ve been doing it for too long and I just don’t want to continue it anymore. I hadn’t tried it in the past because I felt it was too expensive but they had a deal going on. I signed up and i’s been an interesting experience so far. For those of you that have not tried it, let me give you the run down. You can’t message somebody a normal message..as in “Hey, how’s it going?” There’s a process. First, you send each other “quick questions” and you go through two rounds of that. Secondly, you have “makes and breaks,” you have to provide ten each. After you’re done with that, it’ll show you both of your answers to see where you have similar answers. Next, you have “dig deeper” questions. You ask three questions that require longer/thought out answers. – this is how far I’ve gotten in the process. I believe the next part is a regular message where it’s an open discussion.

I’m still dabbling in OkCupid. I’m hoping with those two combined as well as moving to a new area, some magic will happen!

I’m looking forward to this new adventure I’m embarking on. New job, new apartment, new online dating sites. Here’s to new beginnings!

 

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