thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

barking spiders

wow, it’s been almost a month since I’ve updated my blog. Sorry about that!

Growing up…my neighbors, sister and I used to always play together. One of the brothers was my age so naturally we were together all the time. Every now and again (actually pretty often) he would let out some pretty nasty farts. I’d get irritated with them and he would very innocently say “what? it’s those barking spiders” and we would both crack up and we’d forget the fart even happened. 

One of my bff’s texted me the other day about something that happened with the guy she was dating. Apparently he farted on accident while he was laughing. He was super embarrassed and they didn’t even acknowledge it happened. I know for a fact that if it was me, I probably would’ve laughed it off and made fun of myself. I mean, let’s be real…we all fart and if you’re living in some delusional world where you think women don’t fart, we do! Get over yourself. 

I have yet to fart in front of Mr. I and he hasn’t in front of me. 

My question is…does it ever become appropriate? My mother raised my sister and I to never burp or fart in front of a man. I’ve burped once in front of Mr. I but it was an accident. I swear that thing came outta nowhere! 

Anyways, is it ever okay? Curious to hear your thoughts 

Let’s hope I don’t go another month before posting again. 

Thanks for reading along, y’all! 

 

Oh and…P.S. 

Since I’ve been a little MIA….Here’s a quick recap on my life, if you’re interested: 

  • I’m officially registered as a graduate student! EEK! That’s so scary but I’m SO freaking excited! It’s going to be a brand new chapter in my life and I’m looking forward to every moment of it. Classes start next month!  
  • I’m so stupidly in love with Mr. I, I can’t even handle it sometimes. I feel like there should be some sort of party when you fall in love. Like, hey! come celebrate this awesome feeling. His name still holds true….Mr. Incredible. He makes me happy. 
  • I’ve gained 15 lbs since about December. Which sucks cause I lost 40 lbs last year which was incredibly difficult and here I am just eating everything I can. I gotta do something about this. Some have called this happy weight, I call it me being a lazy ass and not being as active as I should be. 
  • My summer has been filled with lots of fun activities! Amusement parks, being a tourist in LA, and mini vacations.
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the many men in my life (part 2)

didn’t get a chance to read part one? Click here

Mr. Linguist and I were supposed to go out yesterday but that didn’t happen. When we planned it happened sorta like this: “Hey, let’s meet up next monday” “yeah, that’ll be wonderful!” That was it. Nothing else was decided. All of last week (until Friday) we were talking every day, throughout the day. Then come Friday morning, I stop hearing from him. We had only been emailing up until then, no phone numbers were exchanged. When Monday rolls around and I hadn’t heard from him practically all day…I kinda assume we’re not meeting up anymore. Right around 4pm he emails me saying “did you ever give me your phone number?” uhhh…no, no i didn’t. You never asked me for it. I gave it to him and he texts me like 10 minutes later and asks if I was ready for tonight. WAIT, WHAT?! 

Was it wrong of me to assume we were no longer going out?? I told him since I hadn’t heard from him, I thought we weren’t going out and I had made plans. I lied, I totally didn’t. I mean, we were talking EVERY DAY….and I don’t hear from him from Friday morning all the way until Monday evening. Anyways, he said he understood but that he still wanted to see me. He handled it well. We’re meeting up tomorrow night instead. 

Mr. Lazy Ass: as expected….that didn’t go anywhere. He said we should talk on the phone later on that night. I didn’t call so obviously it didn’t happen. Haven’t heard from him since. 

Mr. Sexual: Oh Mr. Sexual, I kinda want to dedicate a whole post to him….but I’ll just get it all out there now. I broke it off it him. He was actually kinda nice to talk to but he’s just so oblivious to how to talk to women (at least that’s my theory, I could be totally wrong). Turns out, his last relationship ended in 2007. Yes, 6 years ago. Some people have stated that if it’s been too long since his last relationship…it’s a red flag. I don’t know if I agree with that…but it is what it is. Also, it’s been a year since he’s had sex. Our conversation went like this last night: 

Him: is that where you’re going? Brazilian BBQ? (I told him I was going out to dinner) 

Me: Oh no. those places are expensive! 

Him: Oh hahaha. Ok I’ll remember not to take a date there. 

Me: wow lol 

Him: lol. what? too soon? (p.s. I don’t know what he was referring to here. I don’t know what too soon lol) 

Me: No comment. 

Him: lol. ok. yeah, I’m thrifty. [Pause] Besides why would I go all out on a woman I just met? 

Me: so how long do you keep that sort of mentality? Is 3 dates considered somebody you just met? 5 dates? At what point do you splurge on your date? 

Him: Depends on how she’s treating me. But I would say 5 to 7 dates and we better have an amazing night of sex. 

Yes. Let that sink in. He said: we BETTER have an amazing night of sex. So he feels entitled to sex when he just so happens to splurge on his girl. Also, I’d like to just add a comment that I’m not a gold digger, I don’t choose guys based on their profession. I mean, remember the guy from speed dating? He was a doctor and I didn’t want to pursue anything with him. Anyways, I needed to get to the bottom of this conversation lol. Let me continue: 

Me: So what are some places you’d take your date on those first 5 dates? 

Him: Jeez, idk. probably a bar or coffee shop on the first. a nice but inexpensive restaurant on the second, shoot pool on the third, museum or wine tasting fourth. but there’s some room for deviation, I’m sure. [long pause] why does it matter anyway where i take a woman or how much i spend on her? Is she going out with me for me or for what she can get outta me? Or is where I take her or the amount I spend on her somehow an entitlement to her love and body?

Me: Whoa. There’s no need to get defensive. I was just curious to know where you’d take somebody on dates 

Him: I’m not defensive. I’ve just always wondered. Women get so worked up about where a guy takes them on a date. 

Me: I can’t explain why women do what they do. I can only explain why I do what I do. 

Him: Dam, I was hping you’d give me some insight. 

Me: You seem to think you have it all figured out. Since you think women get all worked up over dates. 

Him: well, I just observe general trends based on my experience. I think If i really understood women, I wouldn’t be so sexually frustrated. 

And there you have it. He thinks if he understood women he wouldn’t be so sexually frustrated and he would be getting some ass. Yes, that may be true but DAMN! Why is he so focused on sex?!? I mean, I know this is a huge thing for men….but keep it to yourself!!  A woman you can potentially see yourself dating should not know this information. 

So yeah, I broke things off with him. He’s way too concerned about having sex. Also, he said the only thing he missed about relationships is “sex and the occasional night out.” We then got into a conversation about the good qualities of a relationship and turns out all of his relationships have been all sorts of fucked up. His fault? I don’t know. But something is definitely off with this dude.

5 Comments »

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