thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

heartache

I looked up the definition of heartache on urban dictionary, and these were my favorite (and most accurate) finds: 

  1. Emotional pain; the horrible feeling of a black hole sitting in your chest where your heart should be. Other feelings one may experience include a inability to catch one’s breath and getting all choked up. 
  2. That gnawing feeling that tells you that you will never love any other as much as you loved the asswipe responsible for your broken heart.
  3. When there is some kind of giant, spiked ball locked inside your body, stabbing at your insides whenever you move. Sometimes you find yourself crouching over or clutching at your chest because this immense feeling seems to be taking your breath away.
  4. A feeling of helplessness or rejection

All of these are a pretty accurate description to how I’m feeling right about now. I broke things off with Mr. I on Saturday. All week long I kept replaying our last conversation on how he couldn’t even answer whether or not he was happy with me and how he needed a break and basically how I suck as a human being. Okay, maybe not that last one….but that’s how I felt. So I thought, why would I force somebody to be with me if that’s how he felt? I needed to break it off. I cried. I couldn’t concentrate on my work so I left early. I had a friends birthday thing that day that I had decided I wasn’t going to go to but I figured I should go because I’m sure that would be better than me sitting on my ass at home and crying myself to sleep. It was a good feeling to be around friends. I came home a little tipsy and fell asleep relatively quickly. 

The next morning I woke up with an empty feeling and a knot in my chest. Mr. I and I talked on the phone soon after that but never in a million years did i think I was going to feel worse than how I did when I woke up. Naive thinking? Probably. I asked him if breaking up is what he really wanted and he responded with “No, I didn’t want it but I need it.” I basically made a fool of myself by begging him to get back with me while I’m bawling my eyes out. 

I didn’t work. He said he wasn’t happy and even if we made the promise that we would be better to each other, it still wouldn’t work out in the end. I mean, a part of me agrees. There were many things that I settled on. I turned a blind eye to. I thought it would be okay because we loved each other. Is it probably for the best that this happened? Probably. Does this mean it hurts any less? Absolutely not. 

Luckily, I have an incredible support system that has been wonderful and has really helped me with getting through this awful transition. 

And this, ladies and gentleman is my first heart break. My first love has come and gone and it’s quite the shitty situation. The man I wanted to marry, the man I wanted to have babies with. He’s gone.  

I apologize for such a depressing post, I really needed to get my feelings out in the open. 

Yes, I know it will get better. Yes, I know this feeling will go away. But, all I know is that what I’m feeling right now is a feeling I would never wish upon my worst enemy. 

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barking spiders

wow, it’s been almost a month since I’ve updated my blog. Sorry about that!

Growing up…my neighbors, sister and I used to always play together. One of the brothers was my age so naturally we were together all the time. Every now and again (actually pretty often) he would let out some pretty nasty farts. I’d get irritated with them and he would very innocently say “what? it’s those barking spiders” and we would both crack up and we’d forget the fart even happened. 

One of my bff’s texted me the other day about something that happened with the guy she was dating. Apparently he farted on accident while he was laughing. He was super embarrassed and they didn’t even acknowledge it happened. I know for a fact that if it was me, I probably would’ve laughed it off and made fun of myself. I mean, let’s be real…we all fart and if you’re living in some delusional world where you think women don’t fart, we do! Get over yourself. 

I have yet to fart in front of Mr. I and he hasn’t in front of me. 

My question is…does it ever become appropriate? My mother raised my sister and I to never burp or fart in front of a man. I’ve burped once in front of Mr. I but it was an accident. I swear that thing came outta nowhere! 

Anyways, is it ever okay? Curious to hear your thoughts 

Let’s hope I don’t go another month before posting again. 

Thanks for reading along, y’all! 

 

Oh and…P.S. 

Since I’ve been a little MIA….Here’s a quick recap on my life, if you’re interested: 

  • I’m officially registered as a graduate student! EEK! That’s so scary but I’m SO freaking excited! It’s going to be a brand new chapter in my life and I’m looking forward to every moment of it. Classes start next month!  
  • I’m so stupidly in love with Mr. I, I can’t even handle it sometimes. I feel like there should be some sort of party when you fall in love. Like, hey! come celebrate this awesome feeling. His name still holds true….Mr. Incredible. He makes me happy. 
  • I’ve gained 15 lbs since about December. Which sucks cause I lost 40 lbs last year which was incredibly difficult and here I am just eating everything I can. I gotta do something about this. Some have called this happy weight, I call it me being a lazy ass and not being as active as I should be. 
  • My summer has been filled with lots of fun activities! Amusement parks, being a tourist in LA, and mini vacations.
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Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day to all you daddy’s out there. You’re all awesome!

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned the fact that Mr. Incredible has a daughter or not. But…he does. He’s an awesome dad. Just hearing him talk to his daughter melts my heart because its so damn adorable.

Anyways…the point of my blog today is…am I supposed to buy him a gift? I mean, he’s a dad. He’s my boyfriend. No, we don’t have a kid together but that doesn’t take away the fact that he deserves presents on Father’s Day.

We were at the mall looking for a gift for my dad and while looking around, I jokingly asked “what’s the protocol on this Father’s Day ordeal? Am I supposed to get you something, too?” We laughed. Because let’s face it…neither him nor I have been in this situation so we have NO idea! He said he didn’t know. I told him I’d get him a little something. I ended up getting him a shirt (which he chose) I didn’t make the present itself a big deal. I didn’t even wrap it. He seemed to really like the fact that I did something. He really does deserve it.

Did I do the right thing? I hope so! Should I have made it a bigger deal? Well, It’s already done and over with at this point. But, I’d like to hear your thoughts. What would you have done in my situation? Have you been in this situation as well?!? I’d love to hear your stories!

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yes, i’m alive.

It’s been quite some time since my last post. Just wanted to let everybody know I am still alive! Life has been all sorts of crazy lately. On top of working my regular job, school has made me incredibly busy. Only three more weeks! (Not like I’m counting down or anything…ha) I’m also getting things in order for grad school (EEK!) for the fall semester. I’m so nervous and scared but so excited. 

Adjusting to being in a relationship has been quite an experience for both Mr. Incredible and I. It’s been a really long time since either of us has been in a relationship. It’s been a wonderful experience though. 

I also wanted to update my blog because I’m reading a very interesting book at the moment for a book review. It’s called Modern Dating: A Field Guide. So far, it’s very interesting and basically anybody who’s dating now-a-days should take a gander at it. I will be posting a formal book review by the end of next week. 

Hope all is well with everybody! 

Let’s hope I don’t go this long without a post again. 

Much Love ❤ 

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My goal

I saw somebody post this on Facebook and I loved it! It’s what I’ll always strive to be like.

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Relationship titles

Having that titles talk is the most awkward talk ever. I made a pretty conscious decision to not have “that” talk with Mr. Incredible because I knew we weren’t dating anybody else and that was all I needed to know.

One day when we’re hanging out…he introduces me as “his lady.” I liked it. I feel like the title of girlfriend or boyfriend sounds weird lol. Is that just me??

Anyways a few days later, he makes a pit stop at his old job but I waited in the car. Apparently he tells his old co-workers (when they asked about me) that I was his lady and one dude asked what that meant LOL. At the end of the conversation Mr. Incredible explains that I’m his girlfriend.

Whoa. Girlfriend? Yeah, that just happened y’all.

After he told me about that conversation…we talked about the awkwardness of relationship titles. I have such a pet peeve when people have the constant need to refer to their significant other as their boyfriend or girlfriend. THEY HAVE A NAME!

Also, I feel that as I get older…having a “boyfriend” just sounds weird. I remember reading an article once…I really wish I saved it! About alternative names for your boyfriend.

Man friend? My dude? I’ve actually referred to him as both.

I guess it depends on who I’m talking to about him.

I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my blog. I’m no longer an online dater…and I don’t believe in putting my relationship on blast.

What will I do?!?? Suggestions? Write about other aspects of my life? I mean, I have a relatively interesting life! Haha.

Speaking of, I got accepted into grad school at USC. Crazy, huh?

Shit just got real, folks.

12 Comments »

lowering my standards?

So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about whether or not I’m too picky. The days where my confidence is booming, I feel I’m not being picky because I deserve to be somebody that’s up to my standards. The days where I’m feeling a little bummed, I think maybe I should lower my standards because clearly something is going wrong if I’m 27 and very much single.

I’ve already lowered some of my standards but how low am I going to have to go? Before, I only wanted to date guys who were never married and didn’t have kids. HOWEVER, the older I get…the more I see how hard it is to find that, it’s nearly impossible. So, I had no choice but to change that. Now, I simply prefer they don’t have kids.

Also, I used to have a height requirement. Yeah, that’s ridiculous of me, I know. Get over it. My height requirement used to be 6’0″ but it’s been lowered to 5’10.” Certain days even about 5’9.” Even then…I feel that it’s getting lower and lower. I guess I should just want somebody the same height as me.

Anyways, I got an idea from another blog: http://talesofatvaholic.com/2012/12/16/am-i-too-picky/ . I am going to start tracking people I look at, contact, respond to, etc. THEN I’m going to calculate my level of pickiness.

I have some time off until school starts, so this should keep my busy! This is going to be legit, spreadsheet and all.

I’m looking forward to seeing my results, I hope you all are too!

10 Comments »

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