thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

lowering my standards?

on December 17, 2012

So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about whether or not I’m too picky. The days where my confidence is booming, I feel I’m not being picky because I deserve to be somebody that’s up to my standards. The days where I’m feeling a little bummed, I think maybe I should lower my standards because clearly something is going wrong if I’m 27 and very much single.

I’ve already lowered some of my standards but how low am I going to have to go? Before, I only wanted to date guys who were never married and didn’t have kids. HOWEVER, the older I get…the more I see how hard it is to find that, it’s nearly impossible. So, I had no choice but to change that. Now, I simply prefer they don’t have kids.

Also, I used to have a height requirement. Yeah, that’s ridiculous of me, I know. Get over it. My height requirement used to be 6’0″ but it’s been lowered to 5’10.” Certain days even about 5’9.” Even then…I feel that it’s getting lower and lower. I guess I should just want somebody the same height as me.

Anyways, I got an idea from another blog: http://talesofatvaholic.com/2012/12/16/am-i-too-picky/ . I am going to start tracking people I look at, contact, respond to, etc. THEN I’m going to calculate my level of pickiness.

I have some time off until school starts, so this should keep my busy! This is going to be legit, spreadsheet and all.

I’m looking forward to seeing my results, I hope you all are too!

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10 responses to “lowering my standards?

  1. Olivia Wolf says:

    Don’t lower your standards. I have the same problem, I think I’m too picky but I know I’m worth it and you are too. A height requirement is not crazy, I had one too then I fell for my best friend who is the same height as me 5″6 but I’m still looking for mister 6″ 🙂 You should check out my posts “Over the Holidays” and “Puppy love” I think they might help, well at least “Over the Holidays” good luck! I look forward to seeing your results .

    • dsantos85 says:

      thank you for your input! I’m so happy I’m not the only one that has a height requirement. It makes me feel like I’m not crazy.

      I will definitely check your blog posts! 🙂

  2. Kathryn Demesa says:

    Hey Debra! I don’t think you should lower your standards. The spreadsheet idea could be fun, but don’t break you back getting into the nitty gritty of details…is he too short/tall? am I closer with my family than he is with his? is he perfect? I say don’t lower your standards, but focus more on the connection you have with a person. Having certain deal breakers is normal, but don’t spend the whole dating experience worrying about whether a guy is perfect (not sure if you are worrying about it in the first place). I thought dating guys that weren’t my usual type was a good experience; I got to see what was out there. Dating should be fun, so have fun with it! BTW, I love first date jitters.

    • dsantos85 says:

      Hey Kat!! thanks so much for following my blog! I was so happy when I got that notification.

      I totally understand what you’re saying. I’m definitely not looking for somebody that’s perfect, nobody’s perfect. The tall/close to family were just examples…I’ve definitely been going a little out of my comfort zone lately just to see what else is out there. I know I should be a little more flexible lol.

      I hope you enjoy reading my future posts! I’d love to hear your feedback more often 🙂

  3. I completely agree with Kathryn. Don’t lower your standards but don’t only focus on a list of requirements. Think connection, chemistry, commonalities that you just can’t quantify or measure on a piece of paper. What if he did have a kid but he adores you and vice versa? I hate it when people (cuz men do it too) lower his/her standards by being with someone that doesn’t treat them well. It’s better to be alone…just my $.02

    • dsantos85 says:

      I love and respect myself wayyyyy too much to let myself be with somebody that’ll treat me badly! LOL. I totally see what you’re saying though…

      If I come across a guy where I feel the connection/chemistry would be good, then I’ll give it a shot. For example…I recently came across this guys profile and we had sooooo much in common, he seemed like an incredible guy, except physically he really wasn’t what I was looking for but I messaged him anyways and we’ve been having such a wonderful conversation back and forth. I’m SO glad I went a little out of my comfort zone and messaged him because it’s been an absolute pleasure getting to know him. I really hope it leads to us meeting lol.

  4. All of the previous comments are dead right – do not lower your standards and don’t get hung up on the tick boxes, surely a guy who treats you well and you have a good connection with is a bigger requirement that his height or hair colour? It would be nice if we could order them haha

    • dsantos85 says:

      hahaha…i would LOVE to custom order a guy! i mean of course the biggest requirement of all is that he treats me right!

      It’s been a working progress with me, I’m definitely more open minded now compared to how I used to be. I need to look at the bigger picture and not focus on the little details.

      thank you so much for your input, it’s much appreciated! 🙂

  5. […] you and I wouldn’t be able to date because I’m not tall enough for you?” (see https://vivaciousdeb.com/2012/12/17/lowering-my-standards/) I know he wasn’t coming onto me, he was just making a point. We talked about it a bit and he […]

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