thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

real beauty?

on December 27, 2012

Not too long ago, a good friend of mine (who follows this blog, so I know he’ll read this) made me really think because of a comment he made. He said “so, you and I wouldn’t be able to date because I’m not tall enough for you?” (see https://vivaciousdeb.com/2012/12/17/lowering-my-standards/) I know he wasn’t coming onto me, he was just making a point. We talked about it a bit and he continued to tell me “I always look passed the looks before anything else.” Granted, he’s also a very good looking guy and I’m pretty sure he can get any girl he wants. But that’s besides the point.

I mean, don’t get me wrong…I’m not 100% concerned about looks but as I mentioned before, height is a very important factor for me when choosing a guy. He asked me why. I actually hesitated to answer (because I guess I wasn’t even too sure why) and said “well, it’ll just look awkward and it makes me feel better.” As soon as I said that, I came to the immediate realization that it’s ALL in my head! I’m a big girl so I just feel that it’ll make me feel better if I was with somebody taller and bigger than me. 

am I that insecure? 

Apparently, I am! I dunno, I’m really starting to reevaluate my standards. Being the size that I am…I automatically get disqualified because let’s face it…nobody wants to date a fatty. Unless you’re a chubby chaser, but that’s a different story.

Anyways, I’ve lost weight. I’m starting to feel much better about myself physically, which is wonderfully! I know I’m an awesome person, I’ve always been told I have a great personality. But how will a guy know that if he doesn’t give me a chance? He’s missing out on being with somebody that could potentially make him really happy.

My point to all this rambling is: who am I to judge somebody by their height? Or weight? Or anything like that because I know I’m not the best looking person in the world (also not the worst looking). But I know for a fact that I am a genuinely good person with a good heart and could make somebody really happy, I just need a chance to show it.

How can I expect somebody to give me that chance, if I don’t give other guys that chance? I need to give somebody else that courtesy. I need to look passed these superficial qualities and focus on what’s important.

I’m going to really sit down and make a list of things I’m looking for and post it on here for everybody to see. I’m going to put a lot of effort into it so stay tuned, folks!

With all that being said….I’d also like to point out….that I don’t ONLY look for tall/big guys lol. There are other things that are very important to me, such us: being family oriented, love learning, somewhat healthy, honest, blah blah. I just wanted to throw that out there before anybody says there are more important things than being tall and what not. I’m very aware of that.

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6 responses to “real beauty?

  1. Chin Up, Chest High! says:

    How can I expect somebody to give me that chance, if I don’t give other guys that chance?

    Bingo. I’ve been online dating for four months and it really annoys me that there are women who complain that men don’t give them a chance because they are overweight (or not blond or otherwise don’t look like a supermodel) yet in their profile will be something along the lines of “If you’re under 5’10” don’t even bother to contact me.”

    They are putting a man’s physical appearance way above the importance of his character, something that they berate men for. It is hypocrisy and it shouldn’t come as any great surprise that they are single.

  2. The height thing has always been a challenge for me. Being 5’10 and a lover of stilettos I have actually had men out right ask me if I’m trying to intimidate them by being so tall in my heels (I can tower at 6’3 in some of my heels)! I have dated men shorter than me and skinnier than me and I will admit I struggled with being the physically bigger pserson . BUT that being said…when there is a connection that physical stuff matters so much less. I think it’s all part of personal growth to look at what bothers us and why. Thanks for posting this.

  3. mllenicolemarie says:

    I feel your pain! I’ve always dated guys 6′ and taller… and I’m just now starting to realize that me having such high standards on height requirements… is kind of silly. There are quite a few great short guys out there! But I still don’t think I have it in me to date someone who is shorter than I am…

    • dsantos85 says:

      it makes me happy when i see that i’m not alone! lol.

      i’ve definitely gotten better with my height requirement…but i’m still not able to date somebody shorter than me. gotta draw the line somewhere! (literally and figuratively of course lol)

      • mllenicolemarie says:

        You’re definitely not alone!

        The last guy I went on a couple of dates with was on the shorter side. I actually couldn’t wear any shoes with heels around him because I’d be taller than him then… and that felt awkward. lol

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