thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

fixing my picker

on December 30, 2012

I take college classes for “fun” because I feel it’s extremely important to keep learning. I came across one of the most incredible professors I’ve ever come across. This post is because of him. I did NOT come up with the title nor this idea, it’s all him. I give him all the credit.

He gave us many life lessons and I loved every minute of it. One day he blew my mind with one simple statement: “most people put more effort into buying a car than picking a mate.” I didn’t believe it at first and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. IT’S SO TRUE!

If it wasn’t…I wouldn’t have an endless amount of friends, acquaintances, and whoever else I’ve come across…continuously get themselves in really shitty relationships. There’s usually a trend: why do girls keep going back to guys that keep breaking their hearts? It’s usually because they hope they’re going to change. But let’s face it…most of time they don’t (this really goes for men and women). I’m not by any means saying nobody is capable of change. I’m just saying the majority of people don’t. Yet…we all fall into these traps and/or trends, wishing and hoping they’re going to be different from the last time.

My professor said we need to have a list of things we want in a mate. Just as we would when we buy a car, there are things that are must-haves (whatever is non-negotiable), optional (would be nice but not absolutely necessary), and lastly deal-breakers (no way, no how. It’s not happening!) That way we can evaluate who the person is and avoid any future breakups or heartaches.

Now it’s time to put my list out in the open.

Must-Haves

  • wants children/family oriented
  • appreciates/encourages education
  • ambitious
  • appreciates/encourages humanitarian efforts
  • honest
  • ability to compromise
  • sense of humor
  • loyal
  • lives a somewhat healthy/active lifestyle
  • loves sex
  • supportive
  • faithful

Optional: 

  • never married
  • no kids
  • college degree
  • loves amusement parks
  • loves to travel

Deal-Breakers 

  • unwilling to live a somewhat healthy lifestyle
  • unable to talk about emotions
  • doesn’t want children
  • controlling
  • doesn’t want to get married
  • rude and inconsiderate
  • uses drugs of any kind including marijuana

These are the things that I thought of off the top of my head. There may or may not be more.

If only everybody took the time to make a list and follow it.

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One response to “fixing my picker

  1. Great stuff! Also, there is a great book called “Boundaries” by John Townsend that is awesome and addresses this topic.

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