We all get the feeling in the pit of our stomach when we’re about to go on a first date. We start thinking: I wonder if he’s going to like me? Is he going to find me attractive? Is he going to be as attractive as his photos? What’s he going to be like?
So many questions, so little time! I had a first date yesterday and boy was I nervous!!! We were getting along really well so far via emails/phone calls/texting. So it seemed as though there was high potential for B (can’t use his full name, obviously).
At first he was just as awesome as I was hoping he would be. But then the subtleties started coming out. We went Christmas shopping together because he needed help buying presents for his family and I still had a few people to shop for. Here’s (kinda) how one of your conversations went down:
- Me: okay, let’s figure out what you’re going to buy. Who do you need to buy for?
- B: everybody
- Me: *laughs* can we narrow that down?
- B: okay, my mom is one
- Me: perfect! what does she do?
- B: she sews
- Me: hmmm…okay. What does she do for fun?
- B: she sews
- Me: what does she like to do?
- B: I don’t know
- Me: Don’y you live with her?
- B: yeah
- Me: okay, so you don’t know what she likes to do?
- B: no
- Me: *laughs* you’re making it really difficult for me to able to help you buy christmas presents!
This conversation happened about 3 other times about other family members. GEEZ! Talk about pulling teeth.
I realized at that point we’re probably not going to work out. Why? Because he’s not very close to his family. My family (and friends) are very VERY important to me, we’re all very close. I deal breaker of mine is somebody that isn’t family oriented. I was bummed…I thought he had potential!
I mean, there are a couple other reasons why I think we won’t work out…one of which is his awkwardness but we don’t have to get into that right now. Or even the fact that he kept touching my arm. Dude, first date. Get off.
My question is: How far do we go before we break things off? Am I supposed to give it at least one more date? Am I jumping to conclusions? (sorry, I realize that’s more than one question).
thirty-somethings 
If I’m almost certain sure it’s not going to work out, then I cut it off after the first date. I do, however, have other friends who always give a second date, just in case. I suppose it depends on your level of comfort and his interpretation of the night, but by asking when you break things off, it sounds like your intentions are clear so why not break it off now while it’s less complicated? Save everyone time and money 🙂
One thing I have learned is to cut it off early. No need for you to waste your time on something you know isn’t going to work.
I had a horrible first date experience that tainted my online dating thought process. Here is the link.
http://polysyllabicprofundities.com/2012/11/05/possiblydatealunatic-com/
I just want to say that after I got over my divorce I decided to give online dating a chance. I went through many guys that I knew immediately we were definitely not a match. After a few years of off & on bouts with the Internet dating site, I met a very nice guy….after the first date I thought maybe I wouldn’t see him again ( didn’t meet up to all of my silly critiera.). I decided to give him another try. He ended up stealing my heart! We’ve been together a year and a half now and he treats me like a queen…
The point I’m trying to make here is he may not come in the exact form you are looking for… If you halfway like him, give him another chance!
Very happy finally
Sherry
Sherry…that’s WONDERFUL! I love hearing success stories, they just warm my heart. I wish you two nothing but the best!
And you’ve brought up a really good point that I think I will follow from now on. If I’m feeling something (big or small) towards the guy…I should give it a shot.
Thank you for your input, it is much appreciated!
It’s not too early to cut it off. On the first date, if you didn’t feel that immediate spark and you’re already turned off by his behavior then why waste your time with a second date?
– K.
It’s not too early to cut it off. On the first date, if you didn’t feel that immediate spark and you’re already turned off by his behavior then why waste your time with a second date?
– K.