thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

real beauty?

Not too long ago, a good friend of mine (who follows this blog, so I know he’ll read this) made me really think because of a comment he made. He said “so, you and I wouldn’t be able to date because I’m not tall enough for you?” (see https://vivaciousdeb.com/2012/12/17/lowering-my-standards/) I know he wasn’t coming onto me, he was just making a point. We talked about it a bit and he continued to tell me “I always look passed the looks before anything else.” Granted, he’s also a very good looking guy and I’m pretty sure he can get any girl he wants. But that’s besides the point.

I mean, don’t get me wrong…I’m not 100% concerned about looks but as I mentioned before, height is a very important factor for me when choosing a guy. He asked me why. I actually hesitated to answer (because I guess I wasn’t even too sure why) and said “well, it’ll just look awkward and it makes me feel better.” As soon as I said that, I came to the immediate realization that it’s ALL in my head! I’m a big girl so I just feel that it’ll make me feel better if I was with somebody taller and bigger than me. 

am I that insecure? 

Apparently, I am! I dunno, I’m really starting to reevaluate my standards. Being the size that I am…I automatically get disqualified because let’s face it…nobody wants to date a fatty. Unless you’re a chubby chaser, but that’s a different story.

Anyways, I’ve lost weight. I’m starting to feel much better about myself physically, which is wonderfully! I know I’m an awesome person, I’ve always been told I have a great personality. But how will a guy know that if he doesn’t give me a chance? He’s missing out on being with somebody that could potentially make him really happy.

My point to all this rambling is: who am I to judge somebody by their height? Or weight? Or anything like that because I know I’m not the best looking person in the world (also not the worst looking). But I know for a fact that I am a genuinely good person with a good heart and could make somebody really happy, I just need a chance to show it.

How can I expect somebody to give me that chance, if I don’t give other guys that chance? I need to give somebody else that courtesy. I need to look passed these superficial qualities and focus on what’s important.

I’m going to really sit down and make a list of things I’m looking for and post it on here for everybody to see. I’m going to put a lot of effort into it so stay tuned, folks!

With all that being said….I’d also like to point out….that I don’t ONLY look for tall/big guys lol. There are other things that are very important to me, such us: being family oriented, love learning, somewhat healthy, honest, blah blah. I just wanted to throw that out there before anybody says there are more important things than being tall and what not. I’m very aware of that.

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6 Comments »

lowering my standards?

So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about whether or not I’m too picky. The days where my confidence is booming, I feel I’m not being picky because I deserve to be somebody that’s up to my standards. The days where I’m feeling a little bummed, I think maybe I should lower my standards because clearly something is going wrong if I’m 27 and very much single.

I’ve already lowered some of my standards but how low am I going to have to go? Before, I only wanted to date guys who were never married and didn’t have kids. HOWEVER, the older I get…the more I see how hard it is to find that, it’s nearly impossible. So, I had no choice but to change that. Now, I simply prefer they don’t have kids.

Also, I used to have a height requirement. Yeah, that’s ridiculous of me, I know. Get over it. My height requirement used to be 6’0″ but it’s been lowered to 5’10.” Certain days even about 5’9.” Even then…I feel that it’s getting lower and lower. I guess I should just want somebody the same height as me.

Anyways, I got an idea from another blog: http://talesofatvaholic.com/2012/12/16/am-i-too-picky/ . I am going to start tracking people I look at, contact, respond to, etc. THEN I’m going to calculate my level of pickiness.

I have some time off until school starts, so this should keep my busy! This is going to be legit, spreadsheet and all.

I’m looking forward to seeing my results, I hope you all are too!

10 Comments »

first date jitters

We all get the feeling in the pit of our stomach when we’re about to go on a first date. We start thinking: I wonder if he’s going to like me? Is he going to find me attractive? Is he going to be as attractive as his photos? What’s he going to be like?

So many questions, so little time! I had a first date yesterday and boy was I nervous!!! We were getting along really well so far via emails/phone calls/texting. So it seemed as though there was high potential for B (can’t use his full name, obviously).

At first he was just as awesome as I was hoping he would be. But then the subtleties started coming out. We went Christmas shopping together because he needed help buying presents for his family and I still had a few people to shop for. Here’s (kinda) how one of your conversations went down:

  • Me: okay, let’s figure out what you’re going to buy. Who do you need to buy for?
  • B: everybody
  • Me: *laughs* can we narrow that down?
  • B: okay, my mom is one
  • Me: perfect! what does she do?
  • B: she sews
  • Me: hmmm…okay. What does she do for fun?
  • B: she sews
  • Me: what does she like to do?
  • B: I don’t know
  • Me: Don’y you live with her?
  • B: yeah
  • Me: okay, so you don’t know what she likes to do?
  • B: no
  • Me: *laughs* you’re making it really difficult for me to able to help you buy christmas presents!

This conversation happened about 3 other times about other family members. GEEZ! Talk about pulling teeth.

I realized at that point we’re probably not going to work out. Why? Because he’s not very close to his family. My family (and friends) are very VERY important to me, we’re all very close. I deal breaker of mine is somebody that isn’t family oriented. I was bummed…I thought he had potential!

I mean, there are a couple other reasons why I think we won’t work out…one of which is his awkwardness but we don’t have to get into that right now. Or even the fact that he kept touching my arm. Dude, first date. Get off.

My question is: How far do we go before we break things off? Am I supposed to give it at least one more date? Am I jumping to conclusions? (sorry, I realize that’s more than one question).

7 Comments »

What am I doing here? Selling myself??

Writing a profile has been my least favorite part about online dating. A part of me feels like I’m just whoring myself. I mean…how can I accurately describe myself without revealing too much? When is it considered too much? What are my “selling” points? How do I get somebody interested in me? Because let’s face it…I am interesting. 

Being that I have a mild case of OCD, I did some research on writing a successful profile. What did I come up with? 

  • “show, don’t tell” meaning doing just list shit. Show people examples. Wait…What?!? LOL. 
  • “don’t wear provocative clothing in your pictures.” Alright…I’m totally okay with that. Gotta keep the goodies to myself! 
  • “post pictures of yourself smiling and having a great time.” done and done! Have you seen my big ass smile? 

Anyways…there were so many articles I read…I did my best. I think? I tried reading and re-reading my profile a bunch of times before submitting it for approval. 

Do I feel it really shows who I am as a person? No…not really. I have to try and hook somebody into my profile within seconds of reading. Otherwise, it’s onto the next! LOL It’s a brutal life out there, people. How many adjectives do I use to describe myself?? How much do they want to know upfront? 

Do I tell them I love being freakishly organized but my room is often messy? Or about my compulsive need to finish a TV series if I start one on Netflix? Or the fact that I love singing obnoxiously loud with the music turned up really loud in my car? Or maybeeee…that I have a little bit of a compulsive nail polish buying habit? 

All we’re doing on these dating sites is trying to sell ourselves. Figuratively, of course. Not trying to send the wrong message out there. I’m a classy lady. 

Image

15 Comments »

to friend request or not to friend request?

I wasn’t planning on my second post being about this, but something happened yesterday so I figured I’d seize the opportunity!

So I’m texting this guy yesterday (we haven’t in met in person yet) and it’s really only been less than a week since we first started talking and he asked me if I use instagram. I froze! I didn’t know how to respond. Do I tell him? If not, how do I let him down? I mean, he had the balls to ask me…I didn’t want to shoot him down and risk him never asking me again.

So my question is: when is it appropriate to bring in social media? is it ever appropriate?

I’ve been on a weight loss journey this entire year so for halloween I used the same costume and took a comparison picture from last year and present. Did I want him to see that? Do I want him to know about my true fat girl problems?

Man, my head filled with so many questions and scenarios about what could potentially happen. Do I want him to see my post promoting my blog? Would it intimidate him? I don’t want him to think “oh shit! I don’t want her blogging about me!”

Well, I did it. I told him my user name for IG. I went for it. BUT I did it after deleting my post about my blog. I felt it was the right thing to do.

After exchanging IG user names, our texting conversation got a lot better! We had more to talk about, conversation flowed better, and I think we got to see a little more about each others personality.

So far, so good I suppose. I wonder if it’ll cause problems in the future.

I’d like to think my IG is less personal than my facebook. Is there one social media that’s more appropriate than others to share?

I wonder what other people think about this. Thoughts?

18 Comments »

Hello world!

Here i am…*cough*twenty *cough* seven and I’m having this love/hate relationship with the single life. Sure, it’s nice most of the time. But, when do we feel it the most? Holidays? Birthdays? Weddings? I’m sure we all have a moment at some point where we feel it would be nice to share with that “special somebody.”

What do we do about it? Some people try speed dating, blind dates, keep hitting up those bars and clubs in the hopes that you’ll find somebody, etc etc. But wait! There’s also ONLINE DATING. Yeah, I said it. Not only did i say it…I’ve been living the life of an online dater. dun dun dunnnn. It’s so taboo, isn’t it?

Some days it’s a joke (I mean…how are some people even allowed to make a profile) and other days, there’s a little glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel.

What am i going to blog about? Well…the answer is easy: my adventures that come with being an online dater. Some of the situations I find myself in are absolutely incredible and blog-worthy. I can’t just keep telling my friends about it, I’m sure it’ll get old at some point. Now is the time for me to shout it out from a mountain top!!!

I’m not going to talk about all the situations I’ve come across so far because that’ll take the fun out of my future blogs, duh. But I will give you a little preview:

How about a guy that showed up to our first date (at a movie theater, mind you…that should already be strike one!) wearing a freaking old school windbreaker jacket. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fashionista, but a windbreaker?!? Seriously dude, those are so 7th grade. Also didn’t bother to comb his hair and awkwardly put his arm around me when the PREVIEWS started! When I came back from sneaking away,  I put the arm rest down thinking he would get the hint. DID HE? No….no he didn’t. He put his arm around yet again. With the arm rest down. Yes, it’s very uncomfortable. I felt so bad for the dude, that I let it happen. I could only take it for about half the movie, and I finally had to move his arm. Was that it? No…there was also a very long, very awkward hug at the end of the night. This is for real, folks.

Or what about the guy that wanted to jump into a relationship after a couple of dates? How was I even surprised he turned out to be a possessive and controlling man? LOL. Come on, Deb…keep an eye out for those red flags waiving right in your face.

Or what about the dude that got so damn defensive about me not wanting to talk about “naughtiness” with him. This was our FIRST time talking via instant chat. So excuse me if I’d like to keep that stuff to a minimum. He started saying how I was judging him and was forming negative opinions about him already. No sir…those are issues you have in your own head because I politely tried to change the subject by not even making it a big deal.

Anyways, I’m looking forward to this blog. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! Future posts probably won’t be as long though, so don’t worry! 🙂

Much love,

Deb

13 Comments »

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