thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

i just want to feel wanted

on January 21, 2013

I’ve been in a little bit of a funk lately. I think it’s about time I try and sort through these thoughts of mine.

Wanting to feel wanted applies to many aspects of my life. Not just dating; although, the point of my post is about the dating aspect, I think.

I’m not a fan of my job; actually…I kind of hate it. But, it is what it is. I’m (hopefully) going to start grad school in the fall, so things will change soon! I don’t feel like I’m needed/wanted there. I don’t feel challenged. I feel that everything would be just fine if I wasn’t there.

With my friends, I just want to feel that they think about me when they hang out and want me to join them so they call me and invite me. Even if it is last minute. I just want to know that I crossed somebody’s mind.

Even in my dating life…I want to feel wanted. I was recently at one of my friends house and her boyfriend was there. Throughout the night, he referred to her as beautiful, pretty, sexy, and maybe a couple other words describing how good looking she is. I love that she’s with somebody like that. She deserves it. I’ve never had that though. I’ve never had a man I’m seeing say that to me. Is that weird? I think it is. It’s no wonder why I don’t ever feel sexy, nobody has ever made me feel attractive. I know I’m not super mega attractive but I know I’m not ugly.

Every now and again, I’ll get an occasional “you have such a gorgeous smile!” Yeah, I know. Thanks. 

I want a guy to look at me and for me to feel he wants to rip off my clothes. Obviously not all of the time, but every now and again…at least. Is that for real? Or is that something that’s just in books I read or movies I watch?

Maybe I need to learn how to feel sexy before I expect somebody else to find me sexy. I don’t know how exactly I can do that. I’ll do some research.

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17 responses to “i just want to feel wanted

  1. movingon says:

    I’m right there with you. I had that once a long time ago but we literally went separate ways, I moved to another state and he moved to another country. I would really LOVE to feel that way again. To have that again. Sucks to start over.

  2. Carolina says:

    Lindona!!!
    First, my compliments for all you are doing here. Nice writing and interesting following you and your posts.
    Then, uau!!! you are such a brave girl about exposing your feelings and fears, so opened as you are doing… You, besides helping yourself, is helping others!!!
    Congrats!

    Now, your post….
    I´ve been there already. And the good thing I can tell you, nothing is forever!

    And what really helped me is accepting what I am able to handle by myself and… what I am not, I call for help (friends, doctors, therapy, yoga, chinese massages, foods and teas, religion) … what ever is your way and your mood…but get helped!

    Some tips I got during my inside change, from uglyduck to the swan…. yes, I felt this way many years. Its a part of life. You can handle! Im pretty sure you are getting there, because you already wanted it!
    We are what we dream of!!!

    Now, girls talk….Sexy look and feeling sexy is part of yourself. Otherwise, its something that doesn’t leasts long…
    Inside of yourself, I mean!
    You are not, you dont show things you dont feel… It sounds false!

    Being strait to the point:

    The hottest girl is the one who feels that from inside., not just a pose. And, still (really) is nice to everyone, not upnose, nice to talk to and have some more than a pair of nice legs, or whatever pair of, to show off: Brain!!

    The affrodisiac in a woman is the inteligence, the smart way of facing life, …
    That is the crash for a man!

    Believe me, beauty is good to look at … but, what about 1 or 2 weeks, hangind out together, the minute the guy needs some talk, some warm and smart talk, some company to go to a theater or facing his friends and manager from work…

    And, what is beauty for u maybe is not for me… the same for guys!

    They want and get hot about the brain, the heart and of course, a nice smile, the way you enjoy being alive!… and that means, how you feel about your self…

    And the guy really pays attention to the way you put your self hot, using your 2 or 3 nice parts of your body in the best way matching it with your style, your brain, your heart!

    It’s kind of difficult to tell you how to improve and get there. Its a mix of try the right or wronge, day after day, and having fun with that experience …

    But, part of it, I think you have already begun.
    Getting the understand that something(s) is (are) not exactly the way you wanted it (them) to be!
    So, my special tip, take a (small) risk on the different, like you told us somedays ago your sister is doing in 2013.
    I don’t recommend you to do things very radical or exotic.

    But,
    . why not, trying some clothes someone suggest you to?

    .why not, start saying your feelings before you get tired of something or someone not going/ not doing the way you expected?

    . And, what about giving the “right” guys (we say in brazil, “os certinhos”, not the bad boys, you know what I mean) the chance he has always trying to, and you just don’t…because some many reasons you labeled him?

    And, here is something you should take a minute…
    Besides your nice smile, there are many details in your look and, specially, inside of you, really are very attractive to Man (Capital Letter)… in brazil… Homem com H maiusculo… that meaning, nice, human and gentle… not the one who only wants spend time with a girl…but that is included… 😉

    Here 4 u, whenever u need!
    Beijos no teu coracao

  3. Carolina says:

    Lindona!!!
    First, my compliments for all you are doing here. Nice writing and interesting following you and your posts.
    Then, uau!!! you are such a brave girl about exposing your feelings and fears, so opened as you are doing… You, besides helping yourself, are helping others!!!
    Congrats!

    Now, your post….
    I´ve been there already. And the good thing I can tell you, nothing is forever!

    And what really helped me is accepting what I am able to handle by myself and… what I am not, I call for help (friends, doctors, therapy, yoga, chinese massages, foods and teas, religion) … what ever is your way and your mood…but get helped!

    Some tips I got during my inside change, from uglyduck to the swan…. yes, I felt this way many years. Its a part of life. You can handle! Im pretty sure you are getting there, because you already wanted it!
    We are what we dream of!!!

    Now, girls talk….Sexy look and feeling sexy is part of yourself. Otherwise, its something that doesn’t leasts long…
    Inside of yourself, I mean!
    You are not, you dont show things you dont feel… It sounds false!

    Being strait to the point:

    The hottest girl is the one who feels that from inside., not just a pose. And, still (really) is nice to everyone, not upnose, nice to talk to and have some more than a pair of nice legs, or whatever pair of, to show off: Brain!!

    The affrodisiac in a woman is the inteligence, the smart way of facing life, …
    That is the crash for a man!

    Believe me, beauty is good to look at … but, what about 1 or 2 weeks, hangind out together, the minute the guy needs some talk, some warm and smart talk, some company to go to a theater or facing his friends and manager from work…

    And, what is beauty for u maybe is not for me… the same for guys!

    They want and get hot about the brain, the heart and of course, a nice smile, the way you enjoy being alive!… and that means, how you feel about your self…

    And the guy really pays attention to the way you put your self hot, using your 2 or 3 nice parts of your body in the best way matching it with your style, your brain, your heart!

    It’s kind of difficult to tell you how to improve and get there. Its a mix of try the right or wronge, day after day, and having fun with that experience …

    But, part of it, I think you have already begun.
    Getting the understand that something(s) is (are) not exactly the way you wanted it (them) to be!
    So, my special tip, take a (small) risk on the different, like you told us somedays ago your sister is doing in 2013.
    I don’t recommend you to do things very radical or exotic.

    But,
    . why not, trying some clothes someone suggest you to?

    .why not, start saying your feelings before you get tired of something or someone not going/ not doing the way you expected?

    . And, what about giving the “right” guys (we say in brazil, “os certinhos”, not the bad boys, you know what I mean) the chance he has always trying to, and you just don’t…because some many reasons you labeled him?

    And, here is something you should take a minute…
    Besides your nice smile, there are many details in your look and, specially, inside of you, really are very attractive to Man (Capital Letter)… in brazil… Homem com H maiusculo… that meaning, nice, human and gentle… not the one who only wants spend time with a girl…but that is included… 😉

    Here 4 u, whenever u need!
    Beijos no teu coracao

  4. impossibletodate says:

    I always tell myself that I need to love me before anyone else can. Sometimes if I am in a slump I sexy it for me and men just read that. I go buy beautiful lingerie that makes me feel amazing or I put on a pretty dress. Sometimes making yourself feel amazing first is the key. Men read that confidence and jump on board! Go shopping GF!!

    • dsantos85 says:

      I definitely agree with the whole “i need to love me before anybody else can.” That’s something I’ve been working on for the past year or so. That’s when I started my weight loss journey. I’ve lost some weight which is wonderful! But I need to update my wardrobe! Both clothing and lingerie. I know that what I’m wearing is a big part as to how sexy I feel.

      You’re right, I think a shopping trip is in order 🙂

  5. Men do like that confidence and we all want to feel wanted-right? You’re not alone. You need to bring out your inner goddess and get your sexy back 🙂 Go shopping, start a new routine/exercise class. I recommend some type of empowering class like martial arts or kickboxing (yes I’m partial) but it builds confidence and gets you in shape!

    • dsantos85 says:

      oh.my.gosh. that’s so funny you brought up kickboxing! i took my first class this last saturday!!! i got an awesome groupon deal so my friend and I couldn’t pass it up. I LOVED it. I started playing soccer once a week a couple weeks back which has been wonderful as well.

      I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been through a bit of a weight loss this past year. I’m trying to find new ways for me to stay active and continue losing weight (I still have a bit to go).

  6. Audrey says:

    You’ve touched on something every woman can relate to. I feel the same way. Sometimes us women have to go out and find love, and other times we’re supposed to wait patiently and let love find us, but hey, “Prince might be stuck in a tree; you better go save the poor guy.”

    • dsantos85 says:

      Honestly, I never imagined so many people feeling the same way. I hate sitting and waiting patiently LOL. That’s when people say “once you stop looking, it’ll come to you.” that’s my least favorite piece of advice haha

      • Audrey says:

        I cannot stand waiting on the sidelines hoping that some amazing guy is going to sweep me off my feet! I have books to help me live out those fantasies! Haha! I think it’s silly advice. I think it’s perfectly acceptable for women to make the first move once in a while.

      • dsantos85 says:

        i’m not really the type of person to side on the side lines in general! LOL. I’m a very proactive and over-efficient type of woman. Sometimes we just have to make things happen

  7. Lady, we’re in the same boat. I think it’s very normal to feel this way. Everyone wants to feel wanted, loved, admired, etc. You’ll get it, I promise. 🙂

  8. Start grad school, you’ll have no time to indulge in such thoughts. If you study something you love, you’ll feel wanted and desired and sexy. 6 more months! Good luck!

  9. Dawn says:

    It certainly starts with you. If you feel confident and sexy then guys pick up on that. But be careful, it doesn’t always come from the guys you want…but it will come. I actually got so sick and tired of being told how beautiful I was or how sexy or what a nice ass I have…or whatever. Trouble is, it rarely came from someone I felt the same way about.

    Being sexy is about how you feel about yourself…trust me. No matter what you look like you must feel like a hot sexy woman…then watch out!

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