thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

dating myself

I’m generally not a fan of making New Years resolutions but I will be making a couple this year. One of which is: I promise to date myself.

This topic is something I’ve talked a lot about with a couple of friends of mine.

One question I always get asked by guys is “So what do you like to do for fun?” And I surprisingly never really know how to answer it! What do I like doing for fun? I mean, I know I love watching movies. What else? Ummm…I love going to concerts but I don’t go very often because it gets expensive. I also like going to sporting events but don’t go to those as often as I’d like for the same reason as concerts. 

I have an incredible group of friends that I hang out with almost every weekend. What do we do? Generally just hang out doing whatever comes up that weekend. Or I’ll go to some sort of family event or hang out with my parents. One thing I know for sure is: I have a good time no matter what I do.

I think it’s time I start doing things to get a better sense of myself. I’d love to be able to answer such a simple question with ease. Dating myself will also help me get in touch with what I really want in a significant other. I need to get a sense of what exactly makes me happy. It’s time for me to feel comfortable enough doing things on my own before I can expect to share some of those experiences with somebody else.

I think it’s really important to continue dating yourself regardless of your relationship status. So many people lose a sense of who they are because they become so overly involved with their significant other and then BAM all of a sudden you realize how unhappy you are and how you’ve somehow lost a part of who you are.

My younger sister has started a year long challenge: every week she’s going to try something different. I think it’s a brilliant idea! I’m not going to completely copy her but I am going to follow her footsteps and say I really want to step out of my comfort zone more often! I want to do more with my life. Stay tuned for updates on how awesome it is dating myself.

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5 Comments »

do I dare?

I’ve been speaking to this pretty awesome guy for about 3 weeks. I’m going to nickname him Mr. Calm and Collected. He’s very poised, calm, proper, and all around fantastic! He has a good job, he’s good looking, family oriented, and other great stuff!

We’ve exchanged a lot of messages and even though we haven’t met yet, I have a major crush on him. Every time I get a message from him I feel like a little school girl because I get all giddy (ridiculous, I know).  We’ve briefly talked about us hanging out in the future but no plans have been made. I did tell him initially that I like taking my time getting to know a person so is he respecting that? I’m sure he is. How long is too long?

I’m beginning to get very anxious! I want to meet him already.

Which brings me to the point of my post…do I ask him out if he doesn’t do it? How long should I wait? I mean, he’s got to be interested if he’s invested so much time in getting to know me, right???

On one side, I’m very traditional in the sense that I feel a guy should be the one to initiate the asking out (I know I may get some uproar about this) but on the flip side I’m a feminist and I believe there shouldn’t be an expectation of one person like that.

I’d love to hear what you all think!

18 Comments »

yet another award….

The award this week is: DOUCHE BAG OF THE WEEK. In my very first post, I wrote about that guy that wanted to jump into a relationship after a couple of dates and how I shouldn’t have been so damn surprised about him being controlling and possessive. 

I’m the one that broke up with him because he was a little nuts. So anyways, I got a message from him on OkCupid. Him messaging me isn’t even the worst part…HE DIDN’T EVEN REMEMBER ME!

Our conversation was as follows (my commentary included):

Him: “good evening, hi how are you? I liked your profile very much and know we would get along great. we share allot in common and enough differences to make it fun. let’s take the time and get to know one another.”

Me: (I’m thinking this dude HASSSSSS to be playing some sort of joke on me, obviously I have to respond to make sure). “wow. is this a joke? or do you really not remember me?” 

Him: “I just moved back here from NY … did we meet?”

Me: (He must’ve moved there after him and I had our fling as it was just about a year ago) “yeah…about a year ago.”

Him: “Lol really no way. What happened?”

Me: (WOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!) “wow…lol. clearly i made a wonderful impression. just didn’t work out.”

Him: “Why didn’t it work out?”

At this point I don’t want to respond because clearly he’s a dipshit and it’s a waste of my time. After not responding for nearly 30 minutes, he says: 

Him: “lol ok maybe you just didn’t find me attractive interesting or stimulating 🙂
In any case I wish you the best since your still on the dating site.”

WHAT THE HELL! Hey jerkoff, you’re controlling…and possessive…and non-gentleman like…and just plain weird. And just a reminder, YOU’RE still on the dating site too!

Ugh. How could he not remember?!?!?

11 Comments »

eager beaver

I’ve been exchanging messages with this young fellow I’ve nicknamed eager beaver since December 23rd. We’ve been texting for about 4-5 days now. He’s very attentive, he compliments me (which unfortunately doesn’t happen very often in general…so it’s really nice!), he has a good job, lives with roommates, all in all…he’s a pretty cool guy. We were supposed to go out on Sunday but I wasn’t feel well.

We decided we were going to go out today but now he isn’t feeling well.  I don’t really know what’s going to happen.

I’m afraid the physical attraction just isn’t going to be there so I really want to meet him already and get it over with. I’m afraid he likes me a lot more than I like him. He’s constantly telling me how excited he is to meet me and how awesome I am. Don’t get me wrong, I like hearing these things…but geez! He needs to calm down.

I’m nervous about meeting him. It needs to happen ASAP.

8 Comments »

fixing my picker

I take college classes for “fun” because I feel it’s extremely important to keep learning. I came across one of the most incredible professors I’ve ever come across. This post is because of him. I did NOT come up with the title nor this idea, it’s all him. I give him all the credit.

He gave us many life lessons and I loved every minute of it. One day he blew my mind with one simple statement: “most people put more effort into buying a car than picking a mate.” I didn’t believe it at first and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. IT’S SO TRUE!

If it wasn’t…I wouldn’t have an endless amount of friends, acquaintances, and whoever else I’ve come across…continuously get themselves in really shitty relationships. There’s usually a trend: why do girls keep going back to guys that keep breaking their hearts? It’s usually because they hope they’re going to change. But let’s face it…most of time they don’t (this really goes for men and women). I’m not by any means saying nobody is capable of change. I’m just saying the majority of people don’t. Yet…we all fall into these traps and/or trends, wishing and hoping they’re going to be different from the last time.

My professor said we need to have a list of things we want in a mate. Just as we would when we buy a car, there are things that are must-haves (whatever is non-negotiable), optional (would be nice but not absolutely necessary), and lastly deal-breakers (no way, no how. It’s not happening!) That way we can evaluate who the person is and avoid any future breakups or heartaches.

Now it’s time to put my list out in the open.

Must-Haves

  • wants children/family oriented
  • appreciates/encourages education
  • ambitious
  • appreciates/encourages humanitarian efforts
  • honest
  • ability to compromise
  • sense of humor
  • loyal
  • lives a somewhat healthy/active lifestyle
  • loves sex
  • supportive
  • faithful

Optional: 

  • never married
  • no kids
  • college degree
  • loves amusement parks
  • loves to travel

Deal-Breakers 

  • unwilling to live a somewhat healthy lifestyle
  • unable to talk about emotions
  • doesn’t want children
  • controlling
  • doesn’t want to get married
  • rude and inconsiderate
  • uses drugs of any kind including marijuana

These are the things that I thought of off the top of my head. There may or may not be more.

If only everybody took the time to make a list and follow it.

1 Comment »

real beauty?

Not too long ago, a good friend of mine (who follows this blog, so I know he’ll read this) made me really think because of a comment he made. He said “so, you and I wouldn’t be able to date because I’m not tall enough for you?” (see https://vivaciousdeb.com/2012/12/17/lowering-my-standards/) I know he wasn’t coming onto me, he was just making a point. We talked about it a bit and he continued to tell me “I always look passed the looks before anything else.” Granted, he’s also a very good looking guy and I’m pretty sure he can get any girl he wants. But that’s besides the point.

I mean, don’t get me wrong…I’m not 100% concerned about looks but as I mentioned before, height is a very important factor for me when choosing a guy. He asked me why. I actually hesitated to answer (because I guess I wasn’t even too sure why) and said “well, it’ll just look awkward and it makes me feel better.” As soon as I said that, I came to the immediate realization that it’s ALL in my head! I’m a big girl so I just feel that it’ll make me feel better if I was with somebody taller and bigger than me. 

am I that insecure? 

Apparently, I am! I dunno, I’m really starting to reevaluate my standards. Being the size that I am…I automatically get disqualified because let’s face it…nobody wants to date a fatty. Unless you’re a chubby chaser, but that’s a different story.

Anyways, I’ve lost weight. I’m starting to feel much better about myself physically, which is wonderfully! I know I’m an awesome person, I’ve always been told I have a great personality. But how will a guy know that if he doesn’t give me a chance? He’s missing out on being with somebody that could potentially make him really happy.

My point to all this rambling is: who am I to judge somebody by their height? Or weight? Or anything like that because I know I’m not the best looking person in the world (also not the worst looking). But I know for a fact that I am a genuinely good person with a good heart and could make somebody really happy, I just need a chance to show it.

How can I expect somebody to give me that chance, if I don’t give other guys that chance? I need to give somebody else that courtesy. I need to look passed these superficial qualities and focus on what’s important.

I’m going to really sit down and make a list of things I’m looking for and post it on here for everybody to see. I’m going to put a lot of effort into it so stay tuned, folks!

With all that being said….I’d also like to point out….that I don’t ONLY look for tall/big guys lol. There are other things that are very important to me, such us: being family oriented, love learning, somewhat healthy, honest, blah blah. I just wanted to throw that out there before anybody says there are more important things than being tall and what not. I’m very aware of that.

6 Comments »

and the award goes to…..

When I first started this blog, I was a little worried that I wouldn’t have enough to write about. But awesome things keep happening!

I’ve decided I’m going to give “awards” to guys I come across. I don’t know what all of the awards are going to be, but my first one will be LIAR OF THE WEEK! 

Now, I know body description is a hard one to answer. I have a hard time answer that because I don’t even know what my body is considered. Yeah, I’m overweight but I’m not obese. I’m listed as curvy but I constantly doubt myself and feel I should maybe put full figured just so guys don’t think I’m misrepresenting myself.

I’ve mentioned before I’m on a weight loss journey so on my profile I state that I’d like to find somebody that’ll be there next to me, while we support each other.

Anyways, this guy messages me and within that message he says “…playing softball which I do pretty regularly to socialize and get some exercise in.” Mind you, his profile says his body type is a little extra. This dude has a ginormous belly. I’m pretty sure my arms wouldn’t be able to wrap around it. I’m not judging, I’m a big girl. It’s not easy losing weight, but don’t lie about it. 

SO…without further ado, I’d like to present this weeks “liar of the week” award to:

Image

Trying to be careful with how much I show. But do you all see what I’m talking about?

Dude, you aren’t fooling anybody. That is NOT “a little extra.”

4 Comments »

What am I doing here? Selling myself??

Writing a profile has been my least favorite part about online dating. A part of me feels like I’m just whoring myself. I mean…how can I accurately describe myself without revealing too much? When is it considered too much? What are my “selling” points? How do I get somebody interested in me? Because let’s face it…I am interesting. 

Being that I have a mild case of OCD, I did some research on writing a successful profile. What did I come up with? 

  • “show, don’t tell” meaning doing just list shit. Show people examples. Wait…What?!? LOL. 
  • “don’t wear provocative clothing in your pictures.” Alright…I’m totally okay with that. Gotta keep the goodies to myself! 
  • “post pictures of yourself smiling and having a great time.” done and done! Have you seen my big ass smile? 

Anyways…there were so many articles I read…I did my best. I think? I tried reading and re-reading my profile a bunch of times before submitting it for approval. 

Do I feel it really shows who I am as a person? No…not really. I have to try and hook somebody into my profile within seconds of reading. Otherwise, it’s onto the next! LOL It’s a brutal life out there, people. How many adjectives do I use to describe myself?? How much do they want to know upfront? 

Do I tell them I love being freakishly organized but my room is often messy? Or about my compulsive need to finish a TV series if I start one on Netflix? Or the fact that I love singing obnoxiously loud with the music turned up really loud in my car? Or maybeeee…that I have a little bit of a compulsive nail polish buying habit? 

All we’re doing on these dating sites is trying to sell ourselves. Figuratively, of course. Not trying to send the wrong message out there. I’m a classy lady. 

Image

15 Comments »

to friend request or not to friend request?

I wasn’t planning on my second post being about this, but something happened yesterday so I figured I’d seize the opportunity!

So I’m texting this guy yesterday (we haven’t in met in person yet) and it’s really only been less than a week since we first started talking and he asked me if I use instagram. I froze! I didn’t know how to respond. Do I tell him? If not, how do I let him down? I mean, he had the balls to ask me…I didn’t want to shoot him down and risk him never asking me again.

So my question is: when is it appropriate to bring in social media? is it ever appropriate?

I’ve been on a weight loss journey this entire year so for halloween I used the same costume and took a comparison picture from last year and present. Did I want him to see that? Do I want him to know about my true fat girl problems?

Man, my head filled with so many questions and scenarios about what could potentially happen. Do I want him to see my post promoting my blog? Would it intimidate him? I don’t want him to think “oh shit! I don’t want her blogging about me!”

Well, I did it. I told him my user name for IG. I went for it. BUT I did it after deleting my post about my blog. I felt it was the right thing to do.

After exchanging IG user names, our texting conversation got a lot better! We had more to talk about, conversation flowed better, and I think we got to see a little more about each others personality.

So far, so good I suppose. I wonder if it’ll cause problems in the future.

I’d like to think my IG is less personal than my facebook. Is there one social media that’s more appropriate than others to share?

I wonder what other people think about this. Thoughts?

18 Comments »

Hello world!

Here i am…*cough*twenty *cough* seven and I’m having this love/hate relationship with the single life. Sure, it’s nice most of the time. But, when do we feel it the most? Holidays? Birthdays? Weddings? I’m sure we all have a moment at some point where we feel it would be nice to share with that “special somebody.”

What do we do about it? Some people try speed dating, blind dates, keep hitting up those bars and clubs in the hopes that you’ll find somebody, etc etc. But wait! There’s also ONLINE DATING. Yeah, I said it. Not only did i say it…I’ve been living the life of an online dater. dun dun dunnnn. It’s so taboo, isn’t it?

Some days it’s a joke (I mean…how are some people even allowed to make a profile) and other days, there’s a little glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel.

What am i going to blog about? Well…the answer is easy: my adventures that come with being an online dater. Some of the situations I find myself in are absolutely incredible and blog-worthy. I can’t just keep telling my friends about it, I’m sure it’ll get old at some point. Now is the time for me to shout it out from a mountain top!!!

I’m not going to talk about all the situations I’ve come across so far because that’ll take the fun out of my future blogs, duh. But I will give you a little preview:

How about a guy that showed up to our first date (at a movie theater, mind you…that should already be strike one!) wearing a freaking old school windbreaker jacket. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fashionista, but a windbreaker?!? Seriously dude, those are so 7th grade. Also didn’t bother to comb his hair and awkwardly put his arm around me when the PREVIEWS started! When I came back from sneaking away,  I put the arm rest down thinking he would get the hint. DID HE? No….no he didn’t. He put his arm around yet again. With the arm rest down. Yes, it’s very uncomfortable. I felt so bad for the dude, that I let it happen. I could only take it for about half the movie, and I finally had to move his arm. Was that it? No…there was also a very long, very awkward hug at the end of the night. This is for real, folks.

Or what about the guy that wanted to jump into a relationship after a couple of dates? How was I even surprised he turned out to be a possessive and controlling man? LOL. Come on, Deb…keep an eye out for those red flags waiving right in your face.

Or what about the dude that got so damn defensive about me not wanting to talk about “naughtiness” with him. This was our FIRST time talking via instant chat. So excuse me if I’d like to keep that stuff to a minimum. He started saying how I was judging him and was forming negative opinions about him already. No sir…those are issues you have in your own head because I politely tried to change the subject by not even making it a big deal.

Anyways, I’m looking forward to this blog. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! Future posts probably won’t be as long though, so don’t worry! 🙂

Much love,

Deb

13 Comments »

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