dating | thirty-somethings

Mr. Calm and Collected – Part 2

by vivaciousdeb

The time has come for me to meet Mr. Calm and Collected. It’s been exactly one month and a day since we started talking. I’ve never been so nervous meeting somebody. I really like him.

Butterflies are a little out of control. I kind of feel like an asshole because I may or may not have forced him to meet me. Maybe not forced but I definitely made it very clear I wanted to meet him this week. He knows how much I love disney, so we’re going to downtown disney.

So, it’s happening. So many questions are going through my head…what if he doesn’t like me? What if I don’t like him? What if he doesn’t find me attractive? What if there’s no chemistry? GAH!

This is how I feel right now (this isn’t me btw):

I’m off to get ready. Let’s hope for an awesome date!

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dreaded questions

by vivaciousdeb

Obviously when you’re getting to know somebody…you ask many questions. Sometimes you don’t really know what to ask or say and you end up asking something ridiculous. Here’s a list of questions I absolutely despise:

1. What do you look for in a guy? Okay, so I understand the meaning behind this question but I really don’t know how to answer it. Sometimes I just want to say: “I don’t know, somebody decent enough to be in a relationship.” I don’t want to sit there and list all of the things I’m looking for in a guy. I also have a short little paragraph written in my profile about some things I’m looking for.

2. When was the last time you were in a relationship? Honestly, why does that even matter? I’m sure it’s because you want to see if I’m not over an ex or something. But it’s super awkward answering that question. Why? Because I’ve never really had a long term relationship. I’ve had very short relationships (and not many at that). Does that make me weird? I don’t know. I had a guy ask me that and then later referred back to me never being in a relationship as if I was some kind of freak.

3. What do you do for fun? I know I wrote about this in my last post. This one is awkward for me because I do all sorts of random things. I do whatever comes up.

4. Why are you single? Now, this is by far my LEAST favorite question. I hate it. This question is usually following some sort of compliment: “Wow, you’re so awesome. Why are you single?” Listen dude, if I knew WHY I was single, I wouldn’t be single! Are you expecting me to say some crazy ass reason? Like…”Oh I’m actually a psychopath and I enjoy killing small animals.” (This isn’t true just FYI). Why does there have to be a reason, anyways? I’m single and that’s that. Get off my case.

I’d love to hear what other questions you all don’t like being ask! I’m sure I’m missing quite a few.

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dating myself

by vivaciousdeb

I’m generally not a fan of making New Years resolutions but I will be making a couple this year. One of which is: I promise to date myself.

This topic is something I’ve talked a lot about with a couple of friends of mine.

One question I always get asked by guys is “So what do you like to do for fun?” And I surprisingly never really know how to answer it! What do I like doing for fun? I mean, I know I love watching movies. What else? Ummm…I love going to concerts but I don’t go very often because it gets expensive. I also like going to sporting events but don’t go to those as often as I’d like for the same reason as concerts.

I have an incredible group of friends that I hang out with almost every weekend. What do we do? Generally just hang out doing whatever comes up that weekend. Or I’ll go to some sort of family event or hang out with my parents. One thing I know for sure is: I have a good time no matter what I do.

I think it’s time I start doing things to get a better sense of myself. I’d love to be able to answer such a simple question with ease. Dating myself will also help me get in touch with what I really want in a significant other. I need to get a sense of what exactly makes me happy. It’s time for me to feel comfortable enough doing things on my own before I can expect to share some of those experiences with somebody else.

I think it’s really important to continue dating yourself regardless of your relationship status. So many people lose a sense of who they are because they become so overly involved with their significant other and then BAM all of a sudden you realize how unhappy you are and how you’ve somehow lost a part of who you are.

My younger sister has started a year long challenge: every week she’s going to try something different. I think it’s a brilliant idea! I’m not going to completely copy her but I am going to follow her footsteps and say I really want to step out of my comfort zone more often! I want to do more with my life. Stay tuned for updates on how awesome it is dating myself.

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do I dare?

by vivaciousdeb

I’ve been speaking to this pretty awesome guy for about 3 weeks. I’m going to nickname him Mr. Calm and Collected. He’s very poised, calm, proper, and all around fantastic! He has a good job, he’s good looking, family oriented, and other great stuff!

We’ve exchanged a lot of messages and even though we haven’t met yet, I have a major crush on him. Every time I get a message from him I feel like a little school girl because I get all giddy (ridiculous, I know). We’ve briefly talked about us hanging out in the future but no plans have been made. I did tell him initially that I like taking my time getting to know a person so is he respecting that? I’m sure he is. How long is too long?

I’m beginning to get very anxious! I want to meet him already.

Which brings me to the point of my post…do I ask him out if he doesn’t do it? How long should I wait? I mean, he’s got to be interested if he’s invested so much time in getting to know me, right???

On one side, I’m very traditional in the sense that I feel a guy should be the one to initiate the asking out (I know I may get some uproar about this) but on the flip side I’m a feminist and I believe there shouldn’t be an expectation of one person like that.

I’d love to hear what you all think!

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yet another award….

by vivaciousdeb

The award this week is: DOUCHE BAG OF THE WEEK. In my very first post, I wrote about that guy that wanted to jump into a relationship after a couple of dates and how I shouldn’t have been so damn surprised about him being controlling and possessive.

I’m the one that broke up with him because he was a little nuts. So anyways, I got a message from him on OkCupid. Him messaging me isn’t even the worst part…HE DIDN’T EVEN REMEMBER ME!

Our conversation was as follows (my commentary included):

Him: “good evening, hi how are you? I liked your profile very much and know we would get along great. we share allot in common and enough differences to make it fun. let’s take the time and get to know one another.”

Me: (I’m thinking this dude HASSSSSS to be playing some sort of joke on me, obviously I have to respond to make sure). “wow. is this a joke? or do you really not remember me?”

Him: “I just moved back here from NY … did we meet?”

Me: (He must’ve moved there after him and I had our fling as it was just about a year ago) “yeah…about a year ago.”

Him: “Lol really no way. What happened?”

Me: (WOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!) “wow…lol. clearly i made a wonderful impression. just didn’t work out.”

Him: “Why didn’t it work out?”

At this point I don’t want to respond because clearly he’s a dipshit and it’s a waste of my time. After not responding for nearly 30 minutes, he says:

Him: “lol ok maybe you just didn’t find me attractive interesting or stimulating 🙂
In any case I wish you the best since your still on the dating site.”

WHAT THE HELL! Hey jerkoff, you’re controlling…and possessive…and non-gentleman like…and just plain weird. And just a reminder, YOU’RE still on the dating site too!

Ugh. How could he not remember?!?!?

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eager beaver

by vivaciousdeb

I’ve been exchanging messages with this young fellow I’ve nicknamed eager beaver since December 23rd. We’ve been texting for about 4-5 days now. He’s very attentive, he compliments me (which unfortunately doesn’t happen very often in general…so it’s really nice!), he has a good job, lives with roommates, all in all…he’s a pretty cool guy. We were supposed to go out on Sunday but I wasn’t feel well.

We decided we were going to go out today but now he isn’t feeling well. I don’t really know what’s going to happen.

I’m afraid the physical attraction just isn’t going to be there so I really want to meet him already and get it over with. I’m afraid he likes me a lot more than I like him. He’s constantly telling me how excited he is to meet me and how awesome I am. Don’t get me wrong, I like hearing these things…but geez! He needs to calm down.

I’m nervous about meeting him. It needs to happen ASAP.

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Pictures, pictures, pictures!

by vivaciousdeb

So WordPress gave us bloggers a challenge. DPchallenge When the year is coming to an end, you usually come across some sort of top 10/20/100 (whatever the number is).

I’m taking WordPress up on this challenge! Here are the top 10 picture no-no’s, for online dating profiles:
1. Is it really that bright? There is no need to post multiple pictures of you with sunglasses on. Are you the type of person to wear glasses inside? If so, you’re a douche. It is never THAT bright inside. Take them off. What the hell are you hiding?
2. How do you not have multiple pictures? You know the guy/girl that took multiple mirror shots but are slightly different. I mean, really? Do you not have any friends that’ll take pictures if you? Ridiculous. Or how do you have ONE picture? What are you hiding?
3. Clean your bathroom! I hate bathroom pictures. I don’t want to see your dirty ass mirror or sink. If you’re gonna do it, at least make sure it’s clean.
4. Is that your girlfriend? I don’t want to see pictures of you and some other broad. If its your sister….caption it!
5. Shirtless pictures are so two years ago. Okay, really though…not even two years ago. They were never “in.” I don’t want to see you half naked. That should be left to the imagination. You don’t see me flashing my titties.
6. Where the hell are your pictures?!? Why would you have a dating profile and not post pictures. What are you hiding? Are you married? In jail?
7. Why are you so far away??? Posting a bunch of pictures of you that are at least 50 feet away does NOT give me an idea as to what you look like
8. I just like to smile, smiling’s my favorite. I love to smile…I love taking pictures. I get it, I know not everybody is like that. But shit! Do you not smile AT ALL?!?! I don’t want to see a line up of mug shots. Liven up your pictures. I’d love to see your personality through your pictures.
9. I get it, you love your pet. I love my dog…I take a bunch of pictures of him, but I keep them on my phone! Occasionally changing my background images to my lil pup. With that beig said…is it REALLY that necessary to post so many pictures of your pet? I don’t even think one is necessary, but if you’re going to do it. Let it be ONE. It’s creepy when you have so many pictures of your pet. It’s not cute…just stop.
10. Alcoholic much? If you have an alcoholic beverage in EVERY single one of your pictures…it kinda looks like you may or may not be an alcoholic.

Thanks for the challenge, Daily Post.

Have any other no-no’s that I missed?!? I’d love to hear them!!

Also, Merry Christmas! Big thanks to everyone who follows my blog. It’s much appreciated.

Much love ❤

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first date jitters

by vivaciousdeb

We all get the feeling in the pit of our stomach when we’re about to go on a first date. We start thinking: I wonder if he’s going to like me? Is he going to find me attractive? Is he going to be as attractive as his photos? What’s he going to be like?

So many questions, so little time! I had a first date yesterday and boy was I nervous!!! We were getting along really well so far via emails/phone calls/texting. So it seemed as though there was high potential for B (can’t use his full name, obviously).

At first he was just as awesome as I was hoping he would be. But then the subtleties started coming out. We went Christmas shopping together because he needed help buying presents for his family and I still had a few people to shop for. Here’s (kinda) how one of your conversations went down:

Me: okay, let’s figure out what you’re going to buy. Who do you need to buy for?
B: everybody
Me: *laughs* can we narrow that down?
B: okay, my mom is one
Me: perfect! what does she do?
B: she sews
Me: hmmm…okay. What does she do for fun?
B: she sews
Me: what does she like to do?
B: I don’t know
Me: Don’y you live with her?
B: yeah
Me: okay, so you don’t know what she likes to do?
B: no
Me: *laughs* you’re making it really difficult for me to able to help you buy christmas presents!

This conversation happened about 3 other times about other family members. GEEZ! Talk about pulling teeth.

I realized at that point we’re probably not going to work out. Why? Because he’s not very close to his family. My family (and friends) are very VERY important to me, we’re all very close. I deal breaker of mine is somebody that isn’t family oriented. I was bummed…I thought he had potential!

I mean, there are a couple other reasons why I think we won’t work out…one of which is his awkwardness but we don’t have to get into that right now. Or even the fact that he kept touching my arm. Dude, first date. Get off.

My question is: How far do we go before we break things off? Am I supposed to give it at least one more date? Am I jumping to conclusions? (sorry, I realize that’s more than one question).

dating life in all its glory single life

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