dating | thirty-somethings

inconsistency

by vivaciousdeb

I don’t know if this is just a guy thing or what…but…what is it with them being inconsistent?!? Do they think it’s okay to just disappear for a week or maybe two? There’s this guy I was texting…I haven’t heard from him in 8 days (I only know this from the time stamps on our texts). After a couple texts he has the NERVE to ask me for a picture. WHAT.THE.FUCK! I say “I haven’t heard from you in a week and then you ask for my picture?!” His response? “lol yes” WOW!! What in his mind makes that an okay thing to do?

There’s this other guy that I’ve been messaging back and forth on OkC and it’s been a little over a month. Of occasional messages that really have no meaning behind them. Just small talk “oh hows your day?” “it’s going well, just at work right now…” blah-di-blah.

I mean, why don’t these guys put some real effort in getting to know me?! I’m trying not to take it personally. I’m trying not to think “oh it must be me they don’t want to get to know” or “i’m not worthy enough for guys to get to know” but it’s getting really hard.

I know I have to be patient. The right guy will make the effort but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck in the meantime.

dating OkCupid single life

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flirting…or lack there of…

by vivaciousdeb

I can’t remember if I have written a post about my lack of flirting skills. I was too lazy to check, so here I am.

I suck at flirting. It’s one of those things I didn’t pick up on. Don’t get me wrong…I’m a very social person, I get along really well with others, and I can carry on a normal conversation with others. So what is it about flirting that makes me act like a socially awkward person?!? I have no idea. For example, this messaged me on OkC just the other day saying I have an adorable smile. My response back to him?? “You have some pretty cute dogs!!” I tried to save it by later saying something about him being good looking. He handled it well and said among the lines of they get it from him.

Is there a way I can learn how to flirt? I’m nearing thirty…does that mean I’m a lost cause?

There’s another funny story: (I’ve told this to a few of my friends, so if y’all are reading this…sorry!)

I go to staples (which is my favorite store…I have a freakish obsession with office supplies) and as I leave the store there’s a cute guy just a few feet in front of me leaving the store as well. Both of our cars are parked on the right side of the lot but in order for it not to be awkward, I move over to the left side so I’m not directly behind him. I soon realized that was a bad idea because I had to get to my car…I slowly moved back over to the right side. Only to my disbelief the cute guy is parked NEXT TO ME! EEEK! So, as I kinda get behind him again…he says in a jokingly/flirty way…”oh are you following me?!” And my response?? First, I make an weirdddd noise…followed by…”uhhhhh…sorrryyyyy….” all while hurrying to get to my car.

I sat in the car for a minute thinking: OUT OF ALL THE THINGS I COULD’VE SAID?! I SAID SORRY!?!??!? Ugh. I really gotta step up my flirting game.

Anyways, that’s that. One day some guy will learn to appreciate my social awkwardness.

there are so many good memes on bad flirting!

dating life in all its glory Real Life single life

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are you the one?

by vivaciousdeb

Has anybody seen the new mtv show called “are you the one?” It aires Tuesday nights and they’ve only had one episode so far. I would love to say I’m above mtv reality shows…but clearly I’m not. They’re my guilty pleasure. It is what it is and I’m not going to be embarrassed about it.

Anyways, the idea of this show is pretty awesome. Here’s what MTVs website summarized the show as: In the most ambitious dating experiment ever attempted, 10 single women were selected and put through an extensive matchmaking process to find 10 single guys who are their perfect match. Now all 20 are living together trying to figure out who is their match. If they do, they’ll split the largest cash prize in MTV history – ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Couples have to participate in challenges and when they win, whoever hasn’t won gets to choose a couple to go into the “truth booth.” There, the couples will get to see whether they are a match or not.

Within the first episode, there was a couple that immediately clicked. They were ALL about each other and said they had such good chemistry. This was the moment I got hooked into the show. WHY? Because, my friend ALWAYSSSSSS puts major importance on the chemistry she has with a guy. If she doesn’t feel that “spark” or the chemistry or whatever she calls it…she will practically disregard the guy. We’ve had so many conversations about this so called spark because she’s felt it with all of her boyfriends. I tell her not to put so much importance on it.

Anyways, the couple that were all about each other turn out not to be a perfect match. Watch the episode tonight and tell me what you think of it!

Should we put so much importance on that connection? Should we sit and wait for it to happen? What if it doesn’t? Is it a waste of time?

Valid questions, I believe. I would love to hear your thoughts!

dating single life

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Relationship titles

by vivaciousdeb

Having that titles talk is the most awkward talk ever. I made a pretty conscious decision to not have “that” talk with Mr. Incredible because I knew we weren’t dating anybody else and that was all I needed to know.

One day when we’re hanging out…he introduces me as “his lady.” I liked it. I feel like the title of girlfriend or boyfriend sounds weird lol. Is that just me??

Anyways a few days later, he makes a pit stop at his old job but I waited in the car. Apparently he tells his old co-workers (when they asked about me) that I was his lady and one dude asked what that meant LOL. At the end of the conversation Mr. Incredible explains that I’m his girlfriend.

Whoa. Girlfriend? Yeah, that just happened y’all.

After he told me about that conversation…we talked about the awkwardness of relationship titles. I have such a pet peeve when people have the constant need to refer to their significant other as their boyfriend or girlfriend. THEY HAVE A NAME!

Also, I feel that as I get older…having a “boyfriend” just sounds weird. I remember reading an article once…I really wish I saved it! About alternative names for your boyfriend.

Man friend? My dude? I’ve actually referred to him as both.

I guess it depends on who I’m talking to about him.

I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my blog. I’m no longer an online dater…and I don’t believe in putting my relationship on blast.

What will I do?!?? Suggestions? Write about other aspects of my life? I mean, I have a relatively interesting life! Haha.

Speaking of, I got accepted into grad school at USC. Crazy, huh?

Shit just got real, folks.

dating Real Life

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the many men in my life (part 2)

by vivaciousdeb

didn’t get a chance to read part one? Click here.

Mr. Linguist and I were supposed to go out yesterday but that didn’t happen. When we planned it happened sorta like this: “Hey, let’s meet up next monday” “yeah, that’ll be wonderful!” That was it. Nothing else was decided. All of last week (until Friday) we were talking every day, throughout the day. Then come Friday morning, I stop hearing from him. We had only been emailing up until then, no phone numbers were exchanged. When Monday rolls around and I hadn’t heard from him practically all day…I kinda assume we’re not meeting up anymore. Right around 4pm he emails me saying “did you ever give me your phone number?” uhhh…no, no i didn’t. You never asked me for it. I gave it to him and he texts me like 10 minutes later and asks if I was ready for tonight. WAIT, WHAT?!

Was it wrong of me to assume we were no longer going out?? I told him since I hadn’t heard from him, I thought we weren’t going out and I had made plans. I lied, I totally didn’t. I mean, we were talking EVERY DAY….and I don’t hear from him from Friday morning all the way until Monday evening. Anyways, he said he understood but that he still wanted to see me. He handled it well. We’re meeting up tomorrow night instead.

Mr. Lazy Ass: as expected….that didn’t go anywhere. He said we should talk on the phone later on that night. I didn’t call so obviously it didn’t happen. Haven’t heard from him since.

Mr. Sexual: Oh Mr. Sexual, I kinda want to dedicate a whole post to him….but I’ll just get it all out there now. I broke it off it him. He was actually kinda nice to talk to but he’s just so oblivious to how to talk to women (at least that’s my theory, I could be totally wrong). Turns out, his last relationship ended in 2007. Yes, 6 years ago. Some people have stated that if it’s been too long since his last relationship…it’s a red flag. I don’t know if I agree with that…but it is what it is. Also, it’s been a year since he’s had sex. Our conversation went like this last night:

Him: is that where you’re going? Brazilian BBQ? (I told him I was going out to dinner)

Me: Oh no. those places are expensive!

Him: Oh hahaha. Ok I’ll remember not to take a date there.

Me: wow lol

Him: lol. what? too soon? (p.s. I don’t know what he was referring to here. I don’t know what too soon lol)

Me: No comment.

Him: lol. ok. yeah, I’m thrifty. [Pause] Besides why would I go all out on a woman I just met?

Me: so how long do you keep that sort of mentality? Is 3 dates considered somebody you just met? 5 dates? At what point do you splurge on your date?

Him: Depends on how she’s treating me. But I would say 5 to 7 dates and we better have an amazing night of sex.

Yes. Let that sink in. He said: we BETTER have an amazing night of sex. So he feels entitled to sex when he just so happens to splurge on his girl. Also, I’d like to just add a comment that I’m not a gold digger, I don’t choose guys based on their profession. I mean, remember the guy from speed dating? He was a doctor and I didn’t want to pursue anything with him. Anyways, I needed to get to the bottom of this conversation lol. Let me continue:

Me: So what are some places you’d take your date on those first 5 dates?

Him: Jeez, idk. probably a bar or coffee shop on the first. a nice but inexpensive restaurant on the second, shoot pool on the third, museum or wine tasting fourth. but there’s some room for deviation, I’m sure. [long pause] why does it matter anyway where i take a woman or how much i spend on her? Is she going out with me for me or for what she can get outta me? Or is where I take her or the amount I spend on her somehow an entitlement to her love and body?

Me: Whoa. There’s no need to get defensive. I was just curious to know where you’d take somebody on dates

Him: I’m not defensive. I’ve just always wondered. Women get so worked up about where a guy takes them on a date.

Me: I can’t explain why women do what they do. I can only explain why I do what I do.

Him: Dam, I was hping you’d give me some insight.

Me: You seem to think you have it all figured out. Since you think women get all worked up over dates.

Him: well, I just observe general trends based on my experience. I think If i really understood women, I wouldn’t be so sexually frustrated.

And there you have it. He thinks if he understood women he wouldn’t be so sexually frustrated and he would be getting some ass. Yes, that may be true but DAMN! Why is he so focused on sex?!? I mean, I know this is a huge thing for men….but keep it to yourself!! A woman you can potentially see yourself dating should not know this information.

So yeah, I broke things off with him. He’s way too concerned about having sex. Also, he said the only thing he missed about relationships is “sex and the occasional night out.” We then got into a conversation about the good qualities of a relationship and turns out all of his relationships have been all sorts of fucked up. His fault? I don’t know. But something is definitely off with this dude.

dating life in all its glory OkCupid

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speed dating in all its glory

by vivaciousdeb

Speed dating was very interesting to say the least. I’m so happy I went because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do so now I can cross it off of my bucket list! Yes, speed dating was on my bucket list. Don’t judge me. I don’t think I met anybody that I’m interesting in dating but I met a couple of interesting people. I hope that makes sense. This event was put on through Match.com and I’m a little confused as to how it’s supposed to work after it’s all done. Apparently we’re supposed to get a list of all the members that attended and we message them on there. We can only read and message members if they’ve subscribed to match. How is somebody supposed to read a message if they aren’t a subscribed member? I should’ve asked but once I got there, everything happened so fast!

So, to change up how I usually write…I decided to take pictures that’ll walk you through my thought process. I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I did taking them. Some of the pictures aren’t attractive and it’s facial expressions like those that probably make me single but hey…it’s who I am and I have a damn good time being me.

YAY!!! SPEED DATING!!!
oh wait, I live in LA. I should’ve left two hours before the start time. It took me 1.5 hours to drive what should have been a 40 minute drive.
Okay, I’m here! Totally late but I haven’t missed anything just yet.
WAAAAIIIITTTTTT!! Mr. Awesome. You’re funny, attractive, smart, and all around super awesome. You just walked away from me! Rejection sucks.
Back from break. Let’s show those pearly whites!
You said whaaaa?!?!!? An ice breaker question was “what are you most proud of?” The dude answered: NOTHING! How are you proud of nothing? I wouldn’t even say I’ve accomplished all that much in my life but I know I’m a damn good sister, daughter, employee, and student. I’m proud of being alive.
What time is it?!?!?! It’s just about that time for me to go home.
We’ve gone full circle folks. The first guy I spoke to is the guy I got along with the most. I stand up….and I realize the dude is literally the shortest guy there. WHAT THE HELL?!?! Not only the shortest guy there but shorter than me 😦 Fuck. He messaged me at 1:49 this morning, eager much?!? Also, picture this: you know how a girl puts hair behind her ear. He did that, constantly! Except…he has short hair. It was very distracting.

Hope you’ve enjoyed the story! All in all, I don’t think I’ll ever go speed dating again because being rejected to your face multiple times in such a short period of time is pretty disheartening BUT I’m still so glad I went. I’m so incredibly proud of myself for doing something out of my comfort zone and I did it ALL BY MYSELF! yeah! So awesome.

dating life in all its glory single life

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feeling content

by vivaciousdeb

As we all know, it’s valentine’s day and I’m surprisingly okay with it. No, I don’t have a guy in my life. No, I don’t have a hot date tonight.

Every year…I’m usually hating life on valentine’s day. I get into a major funk and become a ball of emotion with a “bitter betty” stamp on my forehead. I also always tell myself…maybe next year I’ll actually be with somebody and when that next year rolls around I’m disappointed in myself for spending another valentine’s day as a single woman. I’ve never had a valentine. I mean, a real valentine. I’ve hung out with my girl friends or gone out with one of my gay guy friends but never a real date.

The past year (or so) has come with a lot of transformation. I’ve battled depression for a very long time but I made the commitment that I would make a very conscious decision to be more positive and to live a positive lifestyle. I cut a lot of people out of my life that needed to be cut out. It hasn’t been easy and I still have my “down in the dumps” kind of days but my general outlook on life is now pretty damn positive.

Anyways, being single sucks sometimes but I’m not hating life today and that feels SO good to say.

I feel like I’m going back to how I used to be. Just happy, bubbly and outgoing. Also, speed dating is happening tonight maybe that’s contributing to my non-depressing outlook on v-day. I’m not expecting to meet the man of my dreams but I’m looking forward to doing something out of my comfort zone.

With that being said….HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! Hope everyone has a fantastic day! 😀

all about me dating Real Life single life

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disappearing acts and my two-date curse

by vivaciousdeb

I suppose it’s time for me to give an update on Mr. C&C. I’ve been postponing my update because I’m a little irritated by it. Whatever, it’s time to get it out. We ended up going out on a second “date.” We had coffee and we paid for our own drinks. Is that even considered a date? I guess. It went well though. No awkward silences, conversation flowed, and we laughed at each others jokes. However, I still felt he wasn’t into me.

The date ended in a hug. We texted a bit later on that night and he said he wanted to go out a third time. That was when I started getting a little excited. I thought maybe he actually was into me and I’d finally break my two date curse. We talked for another day or so but the ever-so-dreaded disappearing act happened (other online daters know exactly what I’m talking about). I had stopped messaging him as much as I had been and he stopped messaging me all together.

Why did he mention hanging out a third time if he had no intention of following through? Now I keep thinking about what I did wrong. What could I have done differently? We ran into one of my guy friends and I introduced Mr. C&C as my friend. It was an accident, it totally slipped but when I asked my friend if I should address it he said no. If it was an issue, I guess Mr. C&C wouldn’t have asked me out for a third time. Or maybe it was the fact that I stopped putting in the effort, but if he was legitimately interested, he would put in the effort. Right? I’m not a very flirty person….maybe I could have been more flirtatious.

I’m frustrated and feeling discouraged. I’m having one of those “I’m really tired of being single” moments. It doesn’t happen all the time but that feeling creeps up every so often. Go away icky feeling, you are no longer wanted.

dating life in all its glory OkCupid single life

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i just want to feel wanted

by vivaciousdeb

I’ve been in a little bit of a funk lately. I think it’s about time I try and sort through these thoughts of mine.

Wanting to feel wanted applies to many aspects of my life. Not just dating; although, the point of my post is about the dating aspect, I think.

I’m not a fan of my job; actually…I kind of hate it. But, it is what it is. I’m (hopefully) going to start grad school in the fall, so things will change soon! I don’t feel like I’m needed/wanted there. I don’t feel challenged. I feel that everything would be just fine if I wasn’t there.

With my friends, I just want to feel that they think about me when they hang out and want me to join them so they call me and invite me. Even if it is last minute. I just want to know that I crossed somebody’s mind.

Even in my dating life…I want to feel wanted. I was recently at one of my friends house and her boyfriend was there. Throughout the night, he referred to her as beautiful, pretty, sexy, and maybe a couple other words describing how good looking she is. I love that she’s with somebody like that. She deserves it. I’ve never had that though. I’ve never had a man I’m seeing say that to me. Is that weird? I think it is. It’s no wonder why I don’t ever feel sexy, nobody has ever made me feel attractive. I know I’m not super mega attractive but I know I’m not ugly.

Every now and again, I’ll get an occasional “you have such a gorgeous smile!” Yeah, I know. Thanks.

I want a guy to look at me and for me to feel he wants to rip off my clothes. Obviously not all of the time, but every now and again…at least. Is that for real? Or is that something that’s just in books I read or movies I watch?

Maybe I need to learn how to feel sexy before I expect somebody else to find me sexy. I don’t know how exactly I can do that. I’ll do some research.

dating Real Life single life

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Mr. Calm and Collected – part 3

by vivaciousdeb

First date went well with Mr. CC, I think. I still like him! I think he’s just as attractive as his photos. I thought him being 5’8″ was going to bother me…but it didn’t! Surprise, surprise. This just goes to show that I should really be open minded.

He’s super nice. He’s polite. He’s funny. He continues to be calm and collected. Random: I realized that he remembered my birthday! I told him about a week ago and he remembered! Crazy. I didn’t remember his. Clearly, I’m an asshole. Jk. Or not?

There was a bit of an awkward moment when an overly obnoxious lovey-dovey couple sat next to our table. They barely ate their food and kept making out. I hope I never become like that. It’s gross. Get a room people! Luckily, it didn’t last long. They left relatively soon after sitting down.

The date ended with a hug. I would’ve totally kissed him though. Not a full on make out session (there were way too many people around) but for sure a peck or something.

Anyways, I still can’t tell if he’s into me. I’m assuming if I can’t tell…then he isn’t? Maybe he doesn’t even know. Maybe he’s still trying to get to know me and figure it out? Or maybe he isn’t and I’m making excuses.

What am I supposed to do now? Do I initiate conversation with him if he doesn’t? Or do I just wait? How long should I wait? I don’t know what the “rules” are anymore. Or even if there are any. Questions are still zooming through my head.

Help?

dating life in all its glory OkCupid

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