thirty-somethings

life in all its glory

Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day to all you daddy’s out there. You’re all awesome!

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned the fact that Mr. Incredible has a daughter or not. But…he does. He’s an awesome dad. Just hearing him talk to his daughter melts my heart because its so damn adorable.

Anyways…the point of my blog today is…am I supposed to buy him a gift? I mean, he’s a dad. He’s my boyfriend. No, we don’t have a kid together but that doesn’t take away the fact that he deserves presents on Father’s Day.

We were at the mall looking for a gift for my dad and while looking around, I jokingly asked “what’s the protocol on this Father’s Day ordeal? Am I supposed to get you something, too?” We laughed. Because let’s face it…neither him nor I have been in this situation so we have NO idea! He said he didn’t know. I told him I’d get him a little something. I ended up getting him a shirt (which he chose) I didn’t make the present itself a big deal. I didn’t even wrap it. He seemed to really like the fact that I did something. He really does deserve it.

Did I do the right thing? I hope so! Should I have made it a bigger deal? Well, It’s already done and over with at this point. But, I’d like to hear your thoughts. What would you have done in my situation? Have you been in this situation as well?!? I’d love to hear your stories!

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Modern Dating: A Field Guide

So, as you all may (or may not) know I’ve been reading this book called “Modern Dating: A Field Guide.” A company contacted me because they wanted to read the book and write a review on it. I was super stoked! What an honor!

I’ve never written a book review so this is a learning experience for me. I promise I will try my best! Here it goes, y’all:

 Modern Dating: A Field Guide (Harlequin Nonfiction, May 2013) From Chiara Atick, blogger and staff writer on HowAboutWe.com. [The back of the book gives a great explanation of the book, so I’m just going to copy it on here] “Modern Dating offers advice on modern challenges, like how to send relatively unembarrassing sext, how to create a fail proof first date idea, and how to make sure you’re getting into a relationship for the right reasons. Instead of telling you How to Win a Husband n Just 3 Easy Steps!, it will gently guide you through all the triumphs and pitfalls of what dating is actually like, from one-night stands, to confusing texts and emails, to your first online date.” Here in the U.S. the book runs for $19.95 and comes with a free three month trial for HowAboutWe.com (a $54 value). Does this price seem like it’s a little high? If it does, don’t worry…It’s totally worth the price!

 The book is incredibly relatable and talks about topics that I’ve seen all over the blogging world (yes, including my very own blog). What I love the most about this book is that it goes from a woman embracing her single life to the dating process and finally the actually relationship.  So even though the book is geared toward the single woman; I think every woman can relate to it regardless of her relationship status.

I’d like to talk about my favorite points of the book:

  • It teaches us that it is perfectly okay to be single! I really want to say that this is my favorite thing about this book. It teaches us that once we truly accept being single and actually enjoy being single, then finding a guy becomes much easier.
  • When it comes to online dating, the online profile is THE most important aspect of being successful. This book really goes through the do’s and don’t of dating profiles.
  • Being successful with online dating is also messaging many guys all at once! We can’t get hung up on one guy and put everything else on hold.
  • Paying for dates is such an awkward moment and I really love how the book breaks it down
  • After the date, we can all get a little awkward and don’t really know how to deal with certain situations (i.e. the guy texting you but you aren’t interested).
  • 75 out-of-the-box date ideas!
  • Statistics and facts make me happy so I absolutely loved all of that in the book.
  • I really liked the way reading the book felt. Meaning, it felt like I was chatting with one of my girl friends.

What I didn’t like:

  • It’s basically a non-stop advertisement for HowAboutWe.com

Yes, that’s all I didn’t like!

The rest of the back cover says “Frank, funny, and totally relatable, this is a book that really gets at how women are dating today – the ideal travel companion for your dating life. The only rule is that there are no rules, but this book will be there for guidance, or just for laughs, every step of the way.” I couldn’t agree more!

So what does all this mean? It means, I really enjoyed reading this book and I believe any single woman (especially women going through online dating) should read this book. I’m pretty sure I’ve said in previous posts that I wish there was a book people could read that could help them with the online dating process, this book is it! 

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happiness

I’ve talked about how being happy is an actual skill. It isn’t easy and it is definitely a process. I came across an awesome article titled “22 things happy people do differently” and I found that I actually live by mostly everything that was written on there. It was a pretty awesome feeling. Here’s what it says: 

1. Don’t hold grudges.

Happy people understand that it’s better to forgive and forget than to let their negative feelings crowd out their positive feelings. Holding a grudge has a lot of detrimental effects on your wellbeing, including increased depression, anxiety, and stress. Why let anyone who has wronged you have power over you? If you let go of all your grudges, you’ll gain a clear conscience and enough energy to enjoy the good things in life.

2. Treat everyone with kindness.

Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that being kind makes you happier? Every time you perform a selfless act, your brain produces serotonin, a hormone that eases tension and lifts your spirits. Not only that, but treating people with love, dignity, and respect also allows you to build stronger relationships.

3. See problems as challenges.

The word “problem” is never part of a happy person’s vocabulary. A problem is viewed as a drawback, a struggle, or an unstable situation while a challenge is viewed as something positive like an opportunity, a task, or a dare. Whenever you face an obstacle, try looking at it as a challenge.

4. Express gratitude for what they already have.

There’s a popular saying that goes something like this: “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.” You will have a deeper sense of contentment if you count your blessings instead of yearning for what you don’t have.

5. Dream big.

People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Happy people ask themselves, “Will this problem matter a year from now?” They understand that life’s too short to get worked up over trivial situations. Letting things roll off your back will definitely put you at ease to enjoy the more important things in life.

7. Speak well of others.

Being nice feels better than being mean. As fun as gossiping is, it usually leaves you feeling guilty and resentful. Saying nice things about other people encourages you to think positive, non-judgmental thoughts.

8. Never make excuses.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Happy people don’t make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better.

9. Get absorbed into the present.

Happy people don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. They savor the present. They let themselves get immersed in whatever they’re doing at the moment. Stop and smell the roses.

10. Wake up at the same time every morning.

Have you noticed that a lot of successful people tend to be early risers? Waking up at the same time every morning stabilizes your circadian rhythm, increases productivity, and puts you in a calm and centered state.

11. Avoid social comparison.

Everyone works at his own pace, so why compare yourself to others? If you think you’re better than someone else, you gain an unhealthy sense of superiority. If you think someone else is better than you, you end up feeling bad about yourself. You’ll be happier if you focus on your own progress and praise others on theirs.

12. Choose friends wisely.

Misery loves company. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with optimistic people who will encourage you to achieve your goals. The more positive energy you have around you, the better you will feel about yourself.

13. Never seek approval from others.

Happy people don’t care what others think of them. They follow their own hearts without letting naysayers discourage them. They understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. Listen to what people have to say, but never seek anyone’s approval but your own.

14. Take the time to listen.

Talk less; listen more. Listening keeps your mind open to others’ wisdoms and outlooks on the world. The more intensely you listen, the quieter your mind gets, and the more content you feel.

15. Nurture social relationships.

A lonely person is a miserable person. Happy people understand how important it is to have strong, healthy relationships. Always take the time to see and talk to your family, friends, or significant other.

16. Meditate.

Meditating silences your mind and helps you find inner peace. You don’t have to be a zen master to pull it off. Happy people know how to silence their minds anywhere and anytime they need to calm their nerves.

17. Eat well.

Junk food makes you sluggish, and it’s difficult to be happy when you’re in that kind of state. Everything you eat directly affects your body’s ability to produce hormones, which will dictate your moods, energy, and mental focus. Be sure to eat foods that will keep your mind and body in good shape.

18. Exercise.

Studies have shown that exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft does. Exercising also boosts your self-esteem and gives you a higher sense of self-accomplishment.

19. Live minimally.

Happy people rarely keep clutter around the house because they know that extra belongings weigh them down and make them feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Some studies have concluded that Europeans are a lot happier than Americans are, which is interesting because they live in smaller homes, drive simpler cars, and own fewer items.

20. Tell the truth.

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21. Establish personal control.

Happy people have the ability to choose their own destinies. They don’t let others tell them how they should live their lives. Being in complete control of one’s own life brings positive feelings and a great sense of self-worth.

22. Accept what cannot be changed.

Once you accept the fact that life is not fair, you’ll be more at peace with yourself. Instead of obsessing over how unfair life is, just focus on what you can control and change it for the better.

6 Comments »

yes, i’m alive.

It’s been quite some time since my last post. Just wanted to let everybody know I am still alive! Life has been all sorts of crazy lately. On top of working my regular job, school has made me incredibly busy. Only three more weeks! (Not like I’m counting down or anything…ha) I’m also getting things in order for grad school (EEK!) for the fall semester. I’m so nervous and scared but so excited. 

Adjusting to being in a relationship has been quite an experience for both Mr. Incredible and I. It’s been a really long time since either of us has been in a relationship. It’s been a wonderful experience though. 

I also wanted to update my blog because I’m reading a very interesting book at the moment for a book review. It’s called Modern Dating: A Field Guide. So far, it’s very interesting and basically anybody who’s dating now-a-days should take a gander at it. I will be posting a formal book review by the end of next week. 

Hope all is well with everybody! 

Let’s hope I don’t go this long without a post again. 

Much Love ❤ 

4 Comments »

Mr. CC – The saga continues

On my birthday, I got a late night text wishing me a happy birthday from a random number. I replied by saying thank you and asked who it was. 

It was Mr. Calm and Collected!! Can you all believe it?! 

We sent a grand total of two texts to each other. A day or so later I said: 

Okay, random question and I’m only asking you because it’s totally irrelevant now lol. I’m just curious. Were you even into me? 


I had already told him that I was seeing somebody which was why it was completely irrelevant. I reallyyyy wanted to know though because I could never really tell. His response: 

Mentally yes, physically 50/50. I liked your background, love for soccer, your smile and how it easy it was to talk with you. But I didn’t feel it from your end, which is why I never tried to pursue you.

Wait…WHAT?! He couldn’t feel it from my end? I was the one that reached out to him a couple of times about us going out a third time. 

He’s the one that didn’t show anything towards me. That fucker. LOL 

And how is somebody attracted to somebody else 50/50? Like, oh…i’m kinda sorta attracted to you. 

Anyways, it doesn’t matter anymore. He’s out of my life. 

 

In other news, Mr. Incredible and I deleted our online dating profiles. Pretty big deal, eh?!? 

4 Comments »

mr. incredible

Well, I think I’ve made you all wait long enough. It’s time I write about my current guy. I originally met him nearly two years ago. The first time we met, we went out a couple of times then he disappeared. Then a few months later be hit me back up and we started seeing each other again for a couple of months…soon after, he disappeared. The first time he disappeared because he got sick and we had just started seeing each other so he didn’t want to burden me with anything. The second time…it’s because he was so obsessed with work he couldn’t really handle a relationship. After he lost his job a few months ago, he had a bit of a life changing experience. He reevaluated his priorities and has come to the realization that everything doesn’t need to revolve around work.

After that second time (which was around December of 2011) I obviously wasn’t going to make any effort. Last week, I get a message from him on okc. I responded of course. It’s been wonderful ever since.

We hung out on my birthday last Friday and he told me about all his feelings for me. It was quite intense but I loved every minute of it. He made it very clear that he wants to be with me and won’t be disappearing on me. He’s here to stay this time around.

He’s so attentive, he’s always telling me how beautiful I am. When we’re together he makes it a point to always touch me whether its my leg when we’re sitting or holding my hand or putting his hand on my back. He also makes it known that he wants to see me.

I’m a pretty high strung person. I get anxiety over stupid shit and my OCD kicks in pretty often but when I’m with him…he calms me and it’s such an incredible feeling.

I had really strong feelings for him when we were seeing each other last time and as soon as I saw him again those feelings rushed back as if he never left.

Yes, he doesn’t have a great track record but I don’t care. I’m not going to live in fear that something bad may happen. He apologized for all that happened and said he wasn’t going to leave again. As of right now, I believe it. I’m going to go along with it and see where this path leads me. I’m looking forward to every minute of it.

18 Comments »

wtf moment of the week and birthday festivities

I’d like to start this post with a picture: 

Image

Let that sink in for a moment. 

Yes, that picture was actually sent to me by a guy on OkC. Within a few messages he ends up telling me he has a “very strong feminine side” and that he’s looking for somebody to be okay with that. 

What am I supposed to say? I mean, what do I do with that information? 

Turns out, this dude is a [confused] transgender lesbian.

I’d like to say that I’m all about supporting the LGBTQ community so I have absolutely nothing against the fact that he’s a transgender lesbian. 

It’s the fact that I felt lied to. Granted, it was only a few messages but I still felt it should be something that’s said in the first message. He apologized for not having it on his profile because he has a couple of coworkers on OkC and he doesn’t want to out himself. 

I say he’s confused because at first he was saying how he feels like he’s in the wrong body (which obviously makes him transgender) but then he was saying how he wants to have a “normal heterosexual relationship” just one where he’s a “shemale.” Wait, WHAT?!   

At that point I felt like I needed a clarification…because if he feels like he’s in the wrong body…and he wants a heterosexual relationship…then that would mean he wants to be with a man? Right? 

I mean, I’m no pro on the subject so I could be totally wrong. He ends up replying: 

Lol. Nope to men. I meant more about the husband / boyfriend dominate role. If I ever had the sex reassessment surgery. I still prefer women.

Pause. 

“I might try heterosexual sex with a guy just once. But would be just sex. And I could still get the same thing with a gf/wife with a strap on.”

HOW ABOUT THEM APPLES?! 

I didn’t even know how to respond. I wished him luck on his search and boom…conversation was over. 

I know this is going to sound a little harsh but should he even be on OkC when he can’t put all of this information out there? He would save a lot of time (mine and his) by just putting the truth out there. Have any of my readers experience something similar to this? I’d love to hear stories!

In other news, it’s my birthday today! The big 2-8! haha. No really, it’s been a wonderful birthday so far and I’m so lucky to be surrounded by such an incredible family and my friends. 

There’s also another guy in the picture. I’m not ready to talk about him yet though. I need to think of a clever name for him. 

22 Comments »

did i say you can call me Debbie?

First of all, I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated. I’ve been super duper busy. I’ll have a much better post later on this week.

So, we all know my name is Debora. If you didn’t know that by now….Hi, my name is Debora, it’s a pleasure to meet you.

Now, I know with certain names there are standard nicknames. Obviously…the standard nicknames for my name are Debbie and Deb.

Let’s get something straight: I HATE being called Debbie. I don’t mind calling other people Debbie or hearing other people call somebody Debbie. I just can’t stand it when somebody calls me Debbie. Deb is usually my nickname of choice or Dabbs. 

There’s probably a total of 3 people who are “allowed” to call me Debbie and they’re people I grew up with in my neighborhood. 

There are a couple of reasons why I don’t like it. One of which is way too personal to write about on here and the other is because it makes me feel like a 50-year-old cat lady. (To the other Debbie’s: please don’t be offended by that. It’s only when it’s directed towards me). 

There’s this Italian dude (as in…he lives in Italy) that keeps hitting me up on OkC. He’s weird and I’ve been trying to shake him off. This weekend…he sends me a message calling me Debbie. 

This made me think, is it even appropriate to call somebody as a nickname when you don’t even know them? When is it appropriate? 

 

12 Comments »

why match.com sucks

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m on two dating sites. Why? Because all of the excitement I get from one just isn’t enough. I hope you picked up on my sarcasm there.

I’m on OkCupid and Match.com. Honestly, I just wanted to see how a paid site is vs. a free one. I get more guys messaging me on okc than match.

On Match, I did the 6-month guarantee thingie. Basically, you pay for six months and if you don’t find anybody in those six months, you get another six months for free. There are rules though:

  1. Contact at least 5 new members per month (I usually contact much more than the required 5)
  2. Have photo “visibility” (there isn’t a numbers you should have up but as long as we have something up there)
  3. Profile visibility (this one seems obvious, if it isn’t visible…nobody can contact you. duh)

Last month I realized I wasn’t really getting ANY responses so at the beginning of the month, I reset the visitor number so I can see how many guys visit my profile and compare it to how many messages I was getting. So far, I’ve had 130 visits to my profile and out of those 130, I’ve gotten THREE different men contact me. Two of which I initially contacted. One was Mr. Linguist and the other just fell off the face of the planet. We exchanged numbers and a few texts but boom! He was gone.

The problem with Match is that only people who have paid subscriptions can have conversations. I noticed that some of the messages I was sending out weren’t even being read. Does that mean the “matches” coming up for me to check out aren’t even subscribed members? WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO ME MATCH?! My options should be people I can actually talk to.

Out of those 130 views, only three people were interested in me?! WTF?

Some of those view could have been the same guy looking again, I usually do that when I first start talking to somebody so I can reference certain things in his profile. BUT STILL! I’m not going to lie, this is a little discouraging.

I’m about to finish up my sixth month on Match. Let’s hope I have more luck in the future.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m starting a 7 day detox/weight loss plan today. Today is day 1: fruits. It’s going to be an interesting week!

44 Comments »

religion or lack there of

Disclaimer: I will be talking about my stance on religion. I will always respect whatever religion (or not) you follow, I ask that you do the same for me. Please do not attack my beliefs in any sort of way (which essentially means, don’t try and convince me that I’m wrong). 

So, I had my date with Mr. Linguist on Friday. We had a bit of a rough start. We were supposed to meet at 6 but I had some crazy work shit to deal with so I got held back later than expected. I sent him a text half an hour before we were supposed to meet to let him know I was going to be about 10 minutes late. I hate being late but I tried my best to be there as quick as possible and apologizing to him as well. When I was about 10 minutes away, he asked me how far away I was and I told him my GPS said 12 minutes. He said he had to make a pit stop somewhere but he would be there soon. That “pit stop” lasted what seemed like forever. He didn’t get there until practically 7pm. We were supposed to meet for drinks, that was WAY past my dinner time. I was hungry. But whatever, he apologized for being so late. Something about his dad holding him up (why he decided to pay his dad a visit when he was about to meet me is just mind boggling). 

When he finally got there, we hit it off really well. Not sure if the physical attraction was there but he was really nice! His sarcasm was reallyyyyy intense. I consider myself to be a sarcastic person but DAMN! I even had a hard time keeping up at times. 

The date was going really well until that ever-so-dreaded topic of religion came up. I told him I’d rather not talk about it but he insisted that we do. He wasn’t being a dick about it…just playfully brought it up. 

That’s when the things just went a little sour. Not in a “we’re just going to give attitude to each other” but more so in a “we know it’s not going to work out between us.”

I guess I need to learn how to better explain myself when it comes to religion. I grew up catholic and I told him I identify myself as Catholic but I’m not practicing (it wasn’t always this way, I’ve changed my views on religion within the past few years). Maybe that was misleading on my part? I don’t know. I believe in some sort of higher being but I don’t believe in prayer. Because, in my experiences…it doesn’t work. I believe that if God had soooo much control over everything…certain things wouldn’t be the way that they are. He corrected me and said I’m “culturally catholic.” I’m not too sure what that means…but whatevs. I know I have some issues with religion that I need to get sorted out but I’m not ready to deal with all of that just yet. 

When I tried explaining this to Mr. Linguist, he started defending his side. Basically started to tell me how I was wrong. I mean, I get it…he’s very into his religion. I used to be the same way.

I tried telling him again that I really felt we shouldn’t be talking about religion but he insisted, once again. 

For the remainder of the date, he would “joke” by saying things like “oh let’s pray about it.” I mean, I think he was joking…cause he’d laugh about it. But if I just told you I don’t believe in prayer or anything like that…why continue bringing it up? Even if it’s just a “joke.” After we talked about my stance on religion, I told him that it would be completely understandable if it was a deal breaker for him and wouldn’t hold it against him. He said something along the lines of: it would make him a judgmental person if that was a deal breaker for him.

I didn’t reach out to him and he didn’t reach out to me after the date. I think that’s done and over with. I guess in a sense it’s good that we talked about it because it could have eventually caused drama in the future. 

I went from talking to three men to zero. Back to square one. 

12 Comments »

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