thirty-somethings

are you single? here are some rules to live by!

by vivaciousdeb

One of my friends posted a super cool article on facebook today and I had to repost it. The original article can be found here.

7 Must-Do’s While You’re Single…

1. Live alone. As hard as it is to live alone, you get to know yourself in an extreme, intense, and deeply satisfying way. It teaches us to live happily in solitude. It provides quiet to think. It allows us to become self reliant. I lived alone for 6 years before we got married and I believe, if nothing else, that time provided me a great deal of confidence in my ability to survive.

2. Quit your job. It feels so good to take a job and shove it (and not be affecting anyone else’s livelihood). It doesn’t seem as irresponsible to up and quit when it’s just your mouth you’re feeding. So if the job isn’t right for you, get out of there. Don’t waste another minute – this is your life we’re talking about.

3. Fly to a foreign country by yourself. I was nervous on my first solo trip to Mexico, even though now I almost always have to travel alone. You learn so much about who you are in how you handle foreign currency, foreign accents, and foreign chaos. It’s a cultural adventure and doing it alone, without worrying of checking in, when to call, and when to be back, is quite exhilarating.

4. Spend a weekend with a married couple your age. Listen to how they speak to one another. Notice their non-verbals. Ask about the rhythms of their daily life. Make a mental note: marriage is not perfect, nor is it the solution to what ails you. Be happy for your married friends and satisfied in where you’re at today. Know that many of us stay single forever, and that’s great. Life is about community, food, faith , travel, relationships, and love. Not just marriage.

5. Take a long trip with your best friend. Plan a trip you won’t be able to take once you are married because your spouse will either: a) want to join or b) not be able to survive the time without you. You can backpack through Southeast Asia, staying at random hostels, or couch surf your way through Western Europe. I have a friend Jeddidiah Jenkins who over 18 months (right now) is riding his bike from Oregon to Patagonia with a few of his close friends. Get out there and go.

6. Be completely, utterly, wholly single for at least three months. Stop trying to date someone constantly. Fast from the hunt, from the hope, of another person coming into your life. Sit fully into your singleness and see what you find. Hopping wildly from one relationship to the next can do you a disservice. You’re never more ripe for self-reflection than when you’re on your own — and the more you know yourself, the more likely you are to find someone who’s right for the real you.

7. Be a good wingwoman or wingman (and watch Top Gun).It’s not always about you. Sometimes your best friends need your full-on support in their pursuit of risk and romance. Finding someone to love and putting yourself out there is not easy, but with a good friend at your side who eloquently drops the high points of your resume during a conversation with an exciting suitor, it can become much less complicated.

life in all its glory

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are you the one?

by vivaciousdeb

Has anybody seen the new mtv show called “are you the one?” It aires Tuesday nights and they’ve only had one episode so far. I would love to say I’m above mtv reality shows…but clearly I’m not. They’re my guilty pleasure. It is what it is and I’m not going to be embarrassed about it.

Anyways, the idea of this show is pretty awesome. Here’s what MTVs website summarized the show as: In the most ambitious dating experiment ever attempted, 10 single women were selected and put through an extensive matchmaking process to find 10 single guys who are their perfect match. Now all 20 are living together trying to figure out who is their match. If they do, they’ll split the largest cash prize in MTV history – ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Couples have to participate in challenges and when they win, whoever hasn’t won gets to choose a couple to go into the “truth booth.” There, the couples will get to see whether they are a match or not.

Within the first episode, there was a couple that immediately clicked. They were ALL about each other and said they had such good chemistry. This was the moment I got hooked into the show. WHY? Because, my friend ALWAYSSSSSS puts major importance on the chemistry she has with a guy. If she doesn’t feel that “spark” or the chemistry or whatever she calls it…she will practically disregard the guy. We’ve had so many conversations about this so called spark because she’s felt it with all of her boyfriends. I tell her not to put so much importance on it.

Anyways, the couple that were all about each other turn out not to be a perfect match. Watch the episode tonight and tell me what you think of it!

Should we put so much importance on that connection? Should we sit and wait for it to happen? What if it doesn’t? Is it a waste of time?

Valid questions, I believe. I would love to hear your thoughts!

dating single life

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challenge: week 2

by vivaciousdeb

So, this week I decided to meal prep as my something new! I asked my bff what I should do and she gave me the idea. It’s something that we’ve both wanted to do for a while now. Most because we’re trying to be more healthy and make better decisions in regards to our food intake and exercise. I’ve lost about 10 lbs in the last month or so…I’m on the right track y’all! Meal prepping is a step in the right direction.

I wish I had all matching tupperwear to show off my meals for the week but I think some have gone missing.

I will say that meal prepping does require research and patience.

I’m looking forward to my week and my deliciously prepared meals!

Stay tuned for next week.

❤

life in all its glory

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challenge: week 1

by vivaciousdeb

My challenge is already off to a rocky start. Soon after my post on the first, I got the flu. Apparently it’s going around. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve ever been that sick. It started with problems with my asthma, then the flu, then it turned into some respiratory infection. It took me nearly two weeks to become a functioning human being again. Soon after, I started school and my internship again.

With that being said, I’m a little behind and trying to play catch up! I’ll get there eventually. For week 1, I visited a champagne brunch restaurant in downtown LA with my friend to meet some guy she had been talking to. A friend of his was supposed to meet us there, was it a double date? I’m not sure. But it sure made me feel a little uncomfortable going. The friend ended up not showing up which was awesome for me! Meeting a couple random dudes and a new champagne brunch restaurant, does that count as two things??

Anyways, I hope this year started off a bit better for everybody else! I’m looking forward to the new things I’ll be trying out. There’s already one in progress! But it’s a surprise.

life in all its glory

new year and new beginnings

by vivaciousdeb

Hello everyone!

It has been a very long time since my last post. So sorry I’ve been lagging. I officially finished my first semester of graduate school. I finished with a 3.66 GPA. It’s not perfect but I’m still so proud of myself for not only getting accepted into one of the top graduate schools in the nation but also SURVIVE! I’ve made great new friends and I’ve learned so much about myself along this journey so far. Being in this program has been so incredibly challenging but I have loved every moment of it. Well maybe not the all nighters I had to pull a couple of times.

One of my new years resolution is to start blogging on a regular basis again. With that being said, I’m going to be taking part of a 52 week challenge. It was my sisters idea last year so I can’t take credit for it. I will be trying something new every week. So by the end of the year…I’ll have tried 52 new things!! Pretty cool, right? I’m excited.

I will attempt to document my journey with pictures and stories. I’m really looking forward to this.

Anyways, I hope everyone’s year is off to a good start. Mine was pretty shitty but I’m not going to let that stop me in keeping my head up. This year will be a great year and I will keep reminding myself of that.

HAPPY NEW YEARS! May this year bring you lots of love, happiness, and success.

life in all its glory

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7 Ways To Make Your Man Feel Appreciated

by vivaciousdeb

girls have to put in work too! it’s not just the man that has to do all the work.

James Michael Sama

Contrary to popular belief, there are still good men out there. You might even be dating one. He might even follow the 10 Ways To Make Your Girl Feel Special.

If he is a true gentleman, he will do all of these things, and more, without expectation of anything in return. Your happiness is his reward. That being said, though – a basic human need for all people is to feel wanted and appreciated, especially in relationships, and especially when they perform selfless acts for others.

If you do have a good man, it’s important to let him know that what he does for you, matters. Even if it’s just in small ways. Here are some suggestions, in no particular order.

1. Pick up the tab.

Anyone who reads my articles knows that I believe a man should always pay for dates. Not just the first date, but all…

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life in all its glory

10 Dating Commandments For The Modern Man

by vivaciousdeb

It’s been so long since I’ve written something. I figured I would post something I found interesting!

life in all its glory

heartache

by vivaciousdeb

I looked up the definition of heartache on urban dictionary, and these were my favorite (and most accurate) finds:

Emotional pain; the horrible feeling of a black hole sitting in your chest where your heart should be. Other feelings one may experience include a inability to catch one’s breath and getting all choked up.
That gnawing feeling that tells you that you will never love any other as much as you loved the asswipe responsible for your broken heart.
When there is some kind of giant, spiked ball locked inside your body, stabbing at your insides whenever you move. Sometimes you find yourself crouching over or clutching at your chest because this immense feeling seems to be taking your breath away.
A feeling of helplessness or rejection

All of these are a pretty accurate description to how I’m feeling right about now. I broke things off with Mr. I on Saturday. All week long I kept replaying our last conversation on how he couldn’t even answer whether or not he was happy with me and how he needed a break and basically how I suck as a human being. Okay, maybe not that last one….but that’s how I felt. So I thought, why would I force somebody to be with me if that’s how he felt? I needed to break it off. I cried. I couldn’t concentrate on my work so I left early. I had a friends birthday thing that day that I had decided I wasn’t going to go to but I figured I should go because I’m sure that would be better than me sitting on my ass at home and crying myself to sleep. It was a good feeling to be around friends. I came home a little tipsy and fell asleep relatively quickly.

The next morning I woke up with an empty feeling and a knot in my chest. Mr. I and I talked on the phone soon after that but never in a million years did i think I was going to feel worse than how I did when I woke up. Naive thinking? Probably. I asked him if breaking up is what he really wanted and he responded with “No, I didn’t want it but I need it.” I basically made a fool of myself by begging him to get back with me while I’m bawling my eyes out.

I didn’t work. He said he wasn’t happy and even if we made the promise that we would be better to each other, it still wouldn’t work out in the end. I mean, a part of me agrees. There were many things that I settled on. I turned a blind eye to. I thought it would be okay because we loved each other. Is it probably for the best that this happened? Probably. Does this mean it hurts any less? Absolutely not.

Luckily, I have an incredible support system that has been wonderful and has really helped me with getting through this awful transition.

And this, ladies and gentleman is my first heart break. My first love has come and gone and it’s quite the shitty situation. The man I wanted to marry, the man I wanted to have babies with. He’s gone.

I apologize for such a depressing post, I really needed to get my feelings out in the open.

Yes, I know it will get better. Yes, I know this feeling will go away. But, all I know is that what I’m feeling right now is a feeling I would never wish upon my worst enemy.

life in all its glory

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Hmph.

by vivaciousdeb

This pretty much sums me up right now.

life in all its glory

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break time

by vivaciousdeb

so it seems as though Mr. “Incredible” wants to take a break from our relationship. Why, you ask? Well, because he wants to be able to focus on his work more. Cop-out? Yes, I think so. Only because I asked him if him losing focus on his work was because of me and he said no. So why does he need to take a break from me then? He says it’ll be good for us. I corrected him and said, no…don’t include me in that equation…if you’re the one that wants a break then say it’s good for YOU not US.

I’m so incredibly frustrated and hurt that I can’t even begin to describe all of my thoughts.

I know in my last post I mentioned that my next post was going to be about not being in the honeymoon phase anymore. It’s been some time now that Mr. “Incredible” and I have been having our disagreements. He sees them as arguments, I totally don’t. He’s just unable to have any sort of serious conversation because he feels like we’re fighting. Annoying? Yes.

For quite some time now, I’ve been feeling that maybe my feelings for him were stronger than the feelings he has for me. I totally believe that’s a recipe for disaster. To me that basically means, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. Him? Not so much, obviously…since he’s the one that wants to take a break.

A part of me wants to break it off because why would I want to be with somebody that wants to take a break? He couldn’t even answer the question “Do I make you happy?” Talk about a slap in the face, huh? He said he didn’t know but I told him it’s a simple answer. Apparently, he disagrees.

I tried getting more clarification as to what “taking a break” means, I mean…we’ve all seen that Friends episode where Ross and Rachel take a break and he hooks up with somebody and she gets upset. He just kept saying he didn’t know what he wanted. WHAT THE FUCK! talk about frustrating.

I know not all breaks lead to break ups but, I think it’s heading in that direction.

He said he was going to call me “later.” Whatever the fuck that means.

I’m could be writing this prematurely…as I’m basically writing this out of anger.

life in all its glory relationships

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